Huh?
by Norwalker
Summary: A story set post " Chosen ". Really rather defies summarization, but it's about the Chosen Two, Buffy and Faith. Do we ever really know someone else until we know ourselves? BF
1. Chapter 1

Huh?

By Norwalker

Huh?

Part I

Pairings: Primarily Buffy and Faith, but that doesn't preclude other stuff.

Summary: A story set post " Chosen ". Really rather defies summarization, but it's about the Chosen Two, Buffy and Faith. Do we ever really know someone else until we know ourselves?

Timeline/ Spoilers: Set post Season 7, so it will probably include references from the prior 7 seasons. Hope you've seen them by now( all out on DVD).

Legal stuff : You betcha. The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. I'm just borrowing them. Trust me, I'm not making anything on writing this.

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Not good for you…ok, well except maybe the last. Everything is fair game, so if something offends you, sorry. I'm not perfect, and I'm not PC. If you don't like the idea of women being in love with each other, this is NOT the story for you. Also, not the story for you if you're birth date is after 1986. Oh, and if you're heavily religious? This story probably won't appeal to you either. Ooops.

To Pasha: For all the inspiration, ideas, help and everything, thanks just isn't enough. But Thanks.

-1-

She stands overlooking the giant sinkhole that only an hour or so before was the town of Sunnydale. It's over, and they've won. The First is defeated, sealed in the hellmouth for … well, at least for long after she'd be dead. It wasn't without a price. Anya, Spike… both dead. Some of the new slayers, injured badly, along with Robin Wood. But it was over now, the rules had changed. She was no longer _THE _chosen one. There was no longer just one…

"… the first is scrunched, " Willow grinning, looks at Buffy. " So, Buffy, what do you think we should do?"

" Yeah. You're not the one and only chosen one. Just gotta live like a person now. How's that feel?"

" Yeah Buffy, " Dawn interrupts, " What're we gonna do now?"

Buffy stands staring into the abyss in front of them, arms crossed over her chest. She smiles a Mona Lisa smile.

_What? Do I look like the answer lady? How 'bout someone else figuring out what to do? Sheesh! Didn't someone just say I ' gotta live like a person now' ?_

Buffy sighs, and turns around. She shrugs.

" I dunno, guys. For now, I'm guessing we should get outta here, find a place to get the injured girls some looking after, and somewhere to crash."

" Yeah, 'k Buff, " Willow says, looking a little concerned. _She looks awfully pale._

Faith heads towards the bus, followed by the others, Buffy bringing up the rear.

Buffy stops for a second, closing her eyes. A sharp pain shoots through her, making her feel feverish and clammy at the same time. She opens her eyes, and notices the others are a farther ahead.

_Gosh, I didn't know we'd gone so far from the bus. It looks like a mile away! _Buffy starts trudging towards the bus, but it's slow going. The air feels heavy and moist, like she's walking through water._ Geeze, it got hot all of a sudden._ She wipes her brow, and then notices the others… they look so far away. _Hey, wait for me, 'k guys?_ She thinks to herself as she pushes herself faster. But they keep getting farther and farther away.

She takes another few steps, then stops, panting. She feels like she's been walking for miles. _God, it's so humid!_ She stops to rest, then notices something funny. Her brow furrows, and she looks at her watch. _2 p.m. That's weird!_

" Hey guys!" She calls out, weakly. She feels all out of breath. " Isn't it kind of early to be getting dark?"

She looks around, and notices the world starting to spin.

_Well, that can't be good!_

It's the last thing she remembers before passing out.

-2-

" So, ummm… who's got money?" Faith asks, as they walk, " I mean, don't know of any 'free' motels around. Gotta get up some scratch to pay for it."

" Let's see…" Willow digs in her purse, " I got 10 bucks… how 'bout you , Dawn?"

" I got 30 dollars," Dawn said.

" 30 bucks? You been holding out on us, brat!" Faith makes as if she's going to grab the money from Dawn.

" Hey, I saved this! It's mine!" Dawn squeals, running away from Faith. Faith laughs.

" Chill out, Dawn, not gonna take your money."

" How much you got, Faith?" Willow asks, feeling Dawn hide behind her.

" Me? Oh yeah, I'm rolling in it. You know how much they pay in prison…" She digs in her jeans, and pulls out a few crumpled bills and some change. " I dunno, couple of bucks maybe."

" Hey, Buffy! How 'bout you? Got any…" Willow turns around, and stops cold.

Buffy's lying face down in the road.

" Oh, shit!" Faith takes off down the road towards the prone slayer.

" Buffy!" Willow follows her, her face anxious.

"What's going on?" Dawn, behind Willow, didn't see her sister. Now she does. " BUFFEEE!" She cries. She starts running back down the road.

Giles, already on the bus, hears the commotion. He comes to the door and sees the cluster of women down the road.

"What's going on?" He yells. Then he spots what they're looking at. " Oh, good lord!" He runs down to the group.

Faith is kneeling by Buffy. She's turned her over. The bottom of her blouse is covered in blood. She reaches out and touches Buffy's neck.

Willow is standing next to Dawn. Both have that wide eyed look of seeing something utterly horrible, but unable to scream.

" Is… is she…?" Giles, panting a little, runs up to the group. He looks at Faith. " Is she…?"

" She's alive. She's got a pulse, but it's kind of weak." Faith stands up. " Giles, help me carry her to the bus. " She turns to Willow and Dawn. " You two, go back and clear a space for her to lie down on the bus!" She turns to Giles, who's gone to Buffy's feet.

" Who made you boss?" Dawn asks, a little snippily.

" Brat, not a good time to argue. Go, DO!" Faith snaps at her. She turns and bends to lift Buffy's shoulders.

" But…" Willow begins.

" No Buts, Red. Get going!" Faith orders. She lifts Buffy by the shoulders, while Giles lifts her feet.

Willow and Dawn hesitate, not wanting to leave Buffy.

" MOVE IT!" Faith barks, " God, if you want to get her to a hospital in time, we don't got time to screw around. Get going!"

Chastised, the pair turn and run as Giles and Faith carry Buffy, unconscious, towards the bus.

-3-

Faith and Giles carry Buffy to the bus. She's half come around, and struggles a little against them.

Andrew, sitting next to Xander, turns as they enter the bus.

" The slayer… Buffy….she's …"

"What?"

The former potentials, the baby slayers, watch as Faith and Giles carry Buffy to the back of the bus.

" What's wrong with her?"

" What happened?"

" What'd you do, Faith? Hit her?"

" Is she going to be ok?"

" Oh god, look, she's bleeding!"

Xander stands up. He steps into the aisle, blocking the way.

" What's going on? What happened to her?" Xander has a slightly hostile expression on his face." Did you…?"

" Back off, would ya?" Faith says, as they try to make the back of the bus. Clearing some space, they put her with the other wounded girls. Willow comes around, kneeling by Buffy and pulling back on her shirt. She blanches when she sees the wound. For a second, she hesitates, then grabs a cloth and some water, and starts to wash the wound.

Xander comes up behind Faith, pulling her around to face him.

" So, did you like go evil again, and get some payback on Buffy?"

" What the hell are you talking about, Xander?" Faith says, obviously offended.

" Oh, I dunno. Just that Buffy _was _alright, and now she's not. So, who here is strong enough and fast enough to…"

" Xander, for Pete's sake! Faith had nothing to do with it. Buffy was lying on the road. She has a stab wound," Willow pipes up, while tending to Buffy's wound. She looks at him. " Well?"

Xander is loathe to give up the idea Faith had something to do with this. " Oh. Sorry, " He says, not sounding all the sorry. He whispers sotto voce to Faith. " I'm watching you!" He goes to sit down.

" And I'm trembling, " Faith says to herself, nearly laughing. She starts towards the front of the bus.

" Buffy, the slayer of the vampires. Struck down young, in her prime…" Andrew starts off on one of his narrations.

" Would you shut up?" Xander punches his arm.

" OW!" Andrew rubs his arm, looking petulant. But he does shut up.

" If Buffy's down, who's in charge then?" One of the girls voices what everyone's thinking.

" Mr. Giles, of course," anther replies, without hesitation.

Everyone looks at Giles.

" Faith is in charge," he says quietly.

" Huh? Wait a minute, Giles, I'm so not in charge here. These are your girls…" Faith makes a big negatory gesture.

" I've got to drive the bus, Faith. I can't do that, and watch the girls at the same time," Giles takes off his glasses, cleaning them.

" We're not babies. We don't need watching!"

" Oh , cripey. We're screwed if she's back in charge."

" That's it. I'm getting off the bus now. I'll take my chances walking, " one of the slayers rises to leave.

" Sit down," Giles glares at her. She sits.

" I think you're outvoted, Giles, " Faith smirks, covering her hurt.

" This isn't a democracy. Faith is in charge. That's final. Now sit down and be quiet, so we can get underway."

" What about a vote? I mean, it's not like she's the only slayer here."

" I nominate Willow!"

" Willow's not a slayer!"

" No way. Uh-uh" Willow speaks up from the back of the bus. " No way I'm in charge. I've got too much to do taking care of the wounded. I respectfully say…forget it!" She thinks a second. " And you can't have Vi. She's helping me." She turns her to Vi. " Sweetie, do me a favor? Check on Robin up front. Make sure he's doing ok?""

Vi nods, and starts up front.

One of the potentials pops out of her seat.

" Kennedy, I nominate Kennedy!"

" Yeah, Kennedy. Let her have a shot at it."

The girls start to chant. " Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy!" Giles looking frustrated, meets Faith's eyes. Faith shrugs.

" Looks like the girls want Kennedy." Faith turns away, walking towards Robin, who's in front behind the driver's seat.

Kennedy stands up, and the girls cheer. She waves her hands as if to quiet them.

" I think Giles is right, " Kennedy says quietly, " Faith should be in charge." She sits down.

A groan goes up. Everybody is chattering at once. Faith, taken by surprise, looks at Kennedy, who is sitting there, looking at her calmly with a small smile on her face.

_Why do I think this aint the end of it?_ Faith watches as the girls gradually settle down. Kennedy is surrounded by her 'admirers', who seem to be giving her a hard time. She just smiles and laughs and chats._ Clever girl. Things are hinky right now, and she knows it. If she takes it up now, and fails, she's screwed. Now all she's gotta do is wait ' til I fall on my ass, which'll probably not be too long, and then take over. She's the hero, and I'm the dog. Whatta surprise. Gotta give her props; she's smart, if a sneaky evil bitch. Gotta watch her like a hawk. Crap, now I'm playing this fucking game!_

Faith walks to the front of the bus, where Giles is settling into the driver's seat.

" Hey, Giles. Thanks, but no thanks. Not jonesing to be babysitter to a bunch of baby slayers. This is your gig; I'm sittin' this one out."

Giles leans on the wheel. He looks tired. He turns his head towards Faith.

" Faith, do you know what your biggest weakness is?" Giles asks mildly.

" Other than tequila shooters, you mean?" Faith teases.

" I'm serious Faith. You don't believe in yourself. You think you're not capable of leading, and you sabotage any opportunity you get." His look softens, " it's not like you're not qualified. You're smart, you're good on your feet and you can make the hard decisions. I've seen you do it."

" Yeah, and we know how well that turned out." Faith mutters.

" Stop! Anyone could make a mistake, you did the best with what you had. It's not your fault that Caleb set a trap."

" I got some girls killed. You tell them that, ok? Then we'll talk."

"It's hard to accept death, I know that. Especially when you care. You feel guilt, and you question yourself. That's good; it keeps you from becoming complacent. But you can't let it stop you from going forward, Faith." He observes her doubting expression. " how many times do you think Buffy's felt what you're feeling?"

" Dunno, Giles. Not psychic, remember?"

" All the time, Faith. Every time she's faced something new, there's been doubt in her heart. She doesn't admit it, but if you know her, you know that's true. That's the mark of a true leader, Faith. You don't overestimate your abilities, and you question, to a point, your actions. In the end, however, you've got to trust what you know. Trust yourself. You can do this Faith."

" Lots of the girls would disagree with you, Giles, " Faith says, looking back over the bus.

" It isn't a popularity contest, Faith. They don't need someone who can be their buddy; they need someone they can count on."

" Oh yeah, that's me. Ms. Dependable."

" You're not that girl anymore, Faith. The teenager with an attitude of " Get in, get some, get gone." I don't know if it's prison, or Angel, or just you, growing up. but you're different now, and you're capable… no, more than that, you're necessary. These girls, even if their lives aren't threatened right now, still are at odds with who they are, and what this new power of theirs means. They need someone who's been at it awhile to look up to. I'm afraid that's you, Faith."

" This is a huge mistake, Giles…" Faith is cut off by a commotion at the back of the bus.

Buffy, delirious, has woken up, pushing Dawn and Willow out of the way. She stands , her gaze unfocused, her body weaving a little.

" Buffy?" Dawn says, getting up and starting to go to Buffy. Buffy turns towards her.

" Dawn? Stay back!" She pushes Dawn down. " She's here, stay hidden. I won't… I won't let her get you!"

Willow moves towards her. " Buffy, you're ill. You've got to lie down!" She puts an arm on Buffy's arm. Buffy shakes her off violently.

"NO!" Buffy cries out, " I told you, Will. I love you, but if anyone, ANYONE, tries to hurt her, I'll kill them!"

The slayers bunch up as a group, staring at the tableau. They don't move to interfere.

" What's going on? What's she talking about?"

" Don't know… acting crazy… always thought she was a bit daft."

Buffy looks around. " Minions. God, there's so many of them. Get back, I'll keep them away."

A light goes on in Willow's head. She turns to Dawn, who's next to her.

" Glory, she thinks … she's back fighting Glory!" Willow and Dawn almost say simultaneously.

Faith tries to move to the back, but is blocked by the knot of slayers.

" Hey…" She tries to squeeze in, but no one moves. " Hey…move it! Let me through!"

Still getting no response, she shoves a couple of slayers to the side, and moves to the front. Buffy sees her break through, and her eyes go wide. She's sweating profusely, her eyes having a glazed cast.

" You… I'll kill you!" She yells at Faith. " You can't have her! "

" Buffy? What's going on?" Faith stops, seeing Buffy's confused. She turns to Willow, who's gotten back up. "What's going on? What the hell is she talking about?"

Willow gets to Buffy first, pulling on her arm. Dawn flanks her on the other side.

" Buffy, honey, that's not Glory. She's dead, Buffy, it's over."

" Yeah, Buffy, she's dead. She's been dead since you di…." Dawn trails off.

" Will someone tell me what the hell is going on here?" Faith says growing more confused and angry by the minute.

" Glory, Faith. She thinks you're Glory. A Hell bitch Goddess she fought a couple of years back." Willow explains, while trying to restrain Buffy.

" Yeah, I was the key… what Glory wanted!" Dawn chimes in. " Not the key anymore."

" Huh?" Faith asks, everything as clear as a muddy pond.

Buffy breaks free of Willow.

" Willow, don't try to stop me. I've gotta fight her. Kill her. She'll kill Dawn!" Buffy moves to Faith, looking ready to fight. " You can't have her… I … I…" Buffy stops, confused. She looks carefully at Faith. She shakes her head, and looks closer.

" Faith?"

" Buffy, what's going on?" Faith looks at her, puzzled.

" Are you here to kill me? Did you bring the knife?" Buffy starts to weave on her feet. " You… you killed him, you bitch! You want to kill me now, too?" She takes a step towards Faith, stops, grabs a seat back and stands there. " God, you poisoned me too, didn't you? I'll… I'll kill… I gotta kill…" She takes another step, then pushes off, lunging at Faith. The momentum of Buffy crashing into her causes Faith to take a step back. The blond slayer is out cold, having gone unconscious during the lunge. Faith holds the limp girl in her arms.

" A little help here? Would be nice." Willow comes and helps Faith with Buffy. Together, they get her back on the seat, lying down. The other slayers stand around, in little groups, talking quietly. Willow puts a cold cloth on Buffy's head.

Faith turns back on the girls still standing around.

"What were you doing, just standing there? Were you all asleep?" She looks at the girls, her face angrily blotched. " She could've hurt somebody. Why didn't one of you try to restrain her?" There are some murmurs and mutterings, but no one answers. " You're slayers, for god's sake. Surely a couple of you could've restrained a feverish, sick girl!"

The sound of the engine starting up startles everyone.

" Well, I guess that means we're outta here, " she looks around at the bunch, disappointed. " Just sit down. Or something. Except …." She points at one of the slayers. " You… and…" she points at another. " You!" She waves at them. " Come here, please. The rest of you…" she shakes her head. " Just stay out of the way. "

The two picked slayers make their way towards Faith as the bus lurches forward.

" Ok, I want you both to stay back here, with Willow and Dawn. Keep an eye on Buffy. IF she starts to act out again, restrain her. Don't let her get up. Understood?" They nod. " Good, do whatever Red here asks of you."

_God, I hope these morons are a little faster off the mark when fighting demons. What the hell were they thinking, anyway?_ Faith thinks to herself as she makes her way back up to the front. She plops down on the bus seat across from where Robin is lying. She keeps an eye on Vi, who's tending to Robin's wounds.

They ride along in silence for awhile, Faith mulling over what happened. She finally speaks up.

" Giles! Who the hell is Glory?" Faith asks, trying to understand what happened.

" Glory? Where did you hear that name?"

" Back there… in the commotion. B thought I was someone named Glory."

" Oh dear lord, " Giles says shaking his head.

"What? Who is she? What…?"

Giles briefly narrates the story of Glory to Faith. As the story goes on, Faith's face takes on a look of wonder. She looks back, staring particularly at Dawn.

" You mean Dawn… isn't real?"

" Oh, she's real enough. She's human. Just the memories… our memories of her… aren't real."

" That's totally… can't be. I remember her from when I first came to Sunnydale. She was such a brat, always getting into things, following me and Buffy around, asking me what it's like to be a slayer… all that stuff…" Faith can't buy into it.

" All made up, Faith, by the Monks of Dagon"

" So what happened?" Faith still isn't buying it 100 percent.

Giles continues, finishing the story with Buffy's death.

Faith's eyes go wide.

" She died?"

" You didn't know?" Giles sounds surprised.

" No! No one told me… that … that explains it…"

" Explains what?"

" When I was in prison, Angel came to visit me regularly… except for a couple of years ago. He stopped coming for awhile. Cordelia finally came by, and explained that Angel was away… on a retreat. But she never explained why. When he got back, I asked him about it, but he always changed the subject." Faith looks at the back of the bus, again. " Now I get it."

" I'm sorry , Faith, I really thought you knew…"

" I felt something around that time. Like … something was lost… but I didn't know what. Now …"

She looks back at the prone slayer. Her brow furrows.

" So, if she died… how is it she's here now?"

" Willow brought her back. Resurrected her…" Giles expression is grim.

" Willow? She…did that? How?"

" Dark arts, " Giles almost spits it out.

Faith looks at him.

" What… oh… is that… is that…?"

" I think that's what started Willow's journey to what happened last year."

" Her going all evil and nearly destroying the world?"

" You know about that?" Giles again sounds surprised.

" She told me… on the way to Sunnydale. But she never explained why." Faith pauses. " I mean, she told me about Tara, and her dying… but …"

" She's still recovering, Faith. I don't know if she'll ever be who she was. Not entirely."

" Giles, prison was crappy. I'm not going to say it was a picnic, " Faith looks at the back again, then back to Giles, " but it seems that in comparison, not sure I got the worst deal out of it."

" It's been pretty hard, the last few years." Giles agrees.

Faith shakes her head, at the chaos of it all. _At least, in prison, all I had to worry about was who was gonna come at me to make their creds. This sounds totally loony. _

She moves over to where Robin is laying.

" How's he doing?" She asks Vi quietly.

" Good enough that I plan to hold you to what we talked about, Faith" Robin opens one eye, staring at Faith.

" I'm going to check on Willow. See if she needs some help with the other girls," Vi says, sensing they want some alone time.

Faith smiles at her, and watches her go.

" So, there you are. How're you feeling?"

" As well as can be expected, having a sword take a slice out of me." Robin grimaces a smile. His expression goes serious. " How're you holding up?"

" I'm fine, " Faith shrugs, " not on the critical list like some of you."

" You know something, Faith?" Robin looks at her pointedly," you're really not a very good liar."

" Huh?"

" C'mon, Faith. What's bugging you?"

" Nothing!" Faith exclaims, but sees Robin's not buying it. " Nothing really. Just, Giles expects me to play babysitter to the bunch of girls, and I'm not so looking forward to it."

" Faith, you'll do fine. I know you will. You've proven you can lead, and Giles was right. You just need to believe in yourself. You've got the knack for it."

" You heard? Me and Giles?"

" Most of it. Kinda drifting in and out since we left…"

" You're kind of devious, you know that?" Faith smirks. " Just how I like 'em"

" You don't know the half of it, " Robin smiles enigmatically.

Somehow, I believe you. " Faith moves up, and gingerly lays her head on his shoulder. " Don't mean I won't nose around 'til I do."

" Somehow , I believe you." Robin repeats her words. Carefully, he manages to put an arm around her shoulders.

And for a moment, Faith feels a little less confused. She sighs. She raises her head slightly and calls out.

" So, Giles, where the hell are we going?"

-4-

Buffy feels like she's in a sauna. Her face and body feel hot. She opens her eyes, and everything around her is dark.

_Where the hell am I? _

As her eyes adjust to the darkness, she realizes where she is. Back in the cave below the school. She stands up, and groans. Her whole body feels like it's been run through the spin cycle about 5 times. She walks slowly to the edge of the grotto, down where the Turok-han were. She looks down. It's empty.

This is nuts! I can't be here. I got outta here. This doesn't even exist anymore. It's just one big hole in the …

" So, slayer, I'm guessing you think you won, " A voice behind her startles her, and Buffy whirls around, to be confronted by Caleb.

" What the…?" She puts her hand out, and it goes through him.

" Whoops. Yeah, it's not me… well, at least, not corporeal me. You sliced and diced me real good back there in the temple. Gotta give you your props," Caleb smiles.

" Wait a minute, this can't be happening," Buffy says, confused. " You're gone, I…"

" Defeated me? Hmmm…well, that is interesting, slayer, but not entirely accurate…" The first, as Caleb, smiles. " Oh, I give you kudos for slapping me down a little. Nice trick, that jewel. Where'd you get that anyway? Oh yeah, Angel came by and dropped it off. Got to thank him personally for that one… and the punch in the jaw. Pissed me off, I gotta say. Nearly had you then, didn't I?"

" Til you split, " Buffy mocks, " but anyway, since you're not ' you', drop the act. I know you're the First. Thing is, I don't know how…"

" What? I'm here, talking to you?" Caleb shakes his head, " and after all the little chats we had. Didn't you listen? Can't kill me, Buffy, nor make me go away. I'm the first Evil. I've always been and will always be. Sure, right now, it's a bit tough moving around, seeing I'm rather sealed behind the hellmouth and all…" the First morphs into Spike, " but you can't keep a good man down, can you, luv?"

Buffy, startled by the transformation, moves a bit away. " Well, you're hardly a man."

" Yes, as you were so fond of reminding me, pet. And here, I go and get a soul for you… and still, I'm a thing…"

" You're not Spike, any more than you're Caleb. So how 'bout we cut the crap?" Buffy mutters something to herself.

" Didn't quite catch that, Buffy. Would you mind saying it again?" Spike-First says.

" I said, I loved Spike."

" No you don't, but thanks for saying it"

As he stands there, Spike starts to catch fire, his body slowly being engulfed in flames. " Oh, well, look at this then. I guess I'm really carrying a torch for you, pet." He grins as the fire and light consumes him.

" I had feelings for him! I did!" Buffy cries out, rushing to the spot where Spike stood. But whatever was there, is gone. She stands there, looking puzzled.

" Feelings, nothing more than feelings… " Another voice comes from behind her. She turns , and Angel is behind her, singing. " … trying to forget my feelings of love…" He stops, and stands before her, looking grim. " Guess I never did, though, did I? Forget… but you seemed ready to."

" Angel?" Buffy's voice is low and soft, " What? I told you, I'm just not ready…"

An exasperated expression comes to his face, " Oh yeah. The famous ' cookie dough ' speech. Nice one, Buff, real nice." He turns away, throwing up his hands, " I mean, really, Buffy. Do you really believe that load you fed me?"

" Angel, it was the truth…" Buffy stops, almost slapping herself, " What the hell am I doing? You're the First, or some echo of it… why'm I sitting here talking about my love life, or lack of it, to you?"

" Because I'm such a good listener?" Angel morphs into Joyce Summers, " Who listens better than a mom? Of course, any second I'm going to hear, ' but mom, you just don't get it, do you?' "

" YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!" Buffy yells, covering her ears. " Not listening… la, la, la, la, la! "

" Well, you never did listen to me when I was alive, Buffy, " Joyce Summers says calmly, " I guess now shouldn't be any different, " she shrugs, " though, it might actually help you if you did."

" That's just not true… I listened…" Buffy says, to Joyce's doubtful expression, " I did!"

" Of course you did, honey, " Joyce says, " when I agreed with you… or when it didn't really matter. But on the important stuff? No, sorry, you didn't."

" This is nuts. I'm debating with a loser about what I did or didn't do. That's right, LOSER. I kicked your incorporeal ass, and now you're trying to confuse me, but it won't work, get it?"

Joyce leans back, looking at Buffy with a sad expression.

" You're not getting it, are you dear?"

" Getting what?"

" Buffy, pinch yourself."

" Huh?"

" Pinch yourself, Buffy." Joyce repeats.

" Not making much sense, are you?"

" For once, Buffy, don't argue, just do it."

Buffy shrugs, and pinches herself. Her brow furrows. She does it again.

"That's weird, I don't feel anything!"

" Not all that weird, honey, when you realize you're dreaming, " Joyce shakes her head.

" Dreaming? What in… why would I dream about this place?" Buffy gestures around at the dim cavern.

" Beats me!"

Joyce snaps her fingers, and the setting changes to a palatial mansion.

" When we could be here" She snaps them again, and the they're in meadow, in full sunshine, " or here," she snaps again, and they're on a snowy mountain top, " or here" she snaps her fingers again, and they're floating on a white, fluffy cloud, " or here…" She snaps again, and they're on a tropical island beach near sunset" … or here." The scene fades, and they're back in the cave. " Instead, you choose here."

" Ok, this is bogus. None of this is making any sense, " Buffy turns and starts to walk away. " Frankly, I don't see …"

" Well, there you go, Summers. That was always your problem. You didn't want to see what was right in front of your face…" Billy Fordham appears in front of Buffy, blocking her way. " So, instead, you turned your back on it, hoping it'd go away."

" I never turned my back on you… seems, instead, you turned away from me, as I recall…"

" Really? So, why did it take Angel and Willow to figure out things were kind of wonky with me? I mean, you did know me a lot better, right Summers? Wasn't it odd I just ' showed up' in Sunnydale. That I conveniently knew you were the ' Slayer'. Not like Slayer lore is particularly public knowledge. Oh, and …why wasn't I in any classes? Strange…" he gives her a sidelong glance, "… but not so when you think about it. You wanted to see what you wanted to see… and ignored what you didn't want to know."

" I see. So, I'm the screw up because I trusted you as being… oh, my oldest friend… and not seeing that you turned evil, were going to betray me to Spike, and get me killed, all so you could become a vampire. Key phrase? Betrayed me, Billy, stabbed me in the back… get it?"

The scene suddenly shifts, and Buffy's on a rooftop. In Sunnydale. She's a little disoriented, and somewhat shocked to feel a cold wind blowing on her. She starts to shiver. She looks around. _Something's awfully familiar here…_

" Is that what you thought, B? I betrayed you? Stabbed you in the back? Is that why you did this?"

Buffy whirls around, and finds herself near the edge of the roof. Standing on the rise above her is Faith. She's clutching her gut, the place where Buffy put the knife so many years before. She sees blood oozing through Faith's fingers.

"What? How? This doesn't make sense… you're not dead…" Buffy stares at the bloom of blood on Faith's blouse.

" Nope, I'm not, am I?" Faith looks down at her, " but not for you're not doing your damnedest to make me dead!"

" But the First can't…"

" B, get real. This isn't the First. That was just at the top of your mind, is all. This is your head, your images, your thoughts."

" But why here… at this time?" Buffy's voice is almost a whisper.

" Dunno, B ?" Faith shrugs, " I mean, not my fave time or place, but you brought it here… so, why?"

" I… I…" Buffy stares at her wound, seeming not able to turn away. She reaches out, as Faith drops her hand, touching the blouse. She pulls back her fingers, which have Faith's blood on them. She looks up at Faith. " I'm sorry."

" You're sorry? What? It was an accident? You didn't mean to stab me with the knife?" Faith climbs down off the edge, and sits on it, looking at Buffy. " Wasn't that why you were there? To kill me? Because I was the evil bitch that shot your boyfriend with the poison, and the only cure was like… my blood? As I recall you telling me that evening."

" Yes."

" But you're sorry? Not getting it, B. I mean, you were just doing what you had to do. Nothing personal, right?" Faith's tone is mocking.

" Of course it was personal. Major personal…."

" Why? I mean, sure, I turned evil… or at least, that's how YOU see it, I think. Never mind you were gonna rat me out with the cops about you know who…"

The scene shifts again, and their in the alley, next to the dumpster where Alan Finch died. He's lying there, in a pool of blood.

" Never mind that you were as guilty as I was, B. You threw him there… didn't you? How was I supposed to know he wasn't a vamp? How could I tell in the heat of the moment? But that didn't matter to you, did it, B? I mean, it was always, ' YOU killed a man, Faith. YOU gotta face the music, Faith. YOU'RE the screw up, Faith. YOU betrayed us, Faith." Faith chuckles, " funny how ' we ' never entered into it, wasn't it? Nope, it was YOU… or it was ' I want to help you Faith. Trust ME, Faith. Stop acting like that, Faith. Be more like ME, Faith."

" That's a lie, and … unfair to boot! I DID want to help you, I would've stuck by you, if you gave me the chance…"

" Until it came to going to prison. Then I would've been in jail for the rest of my life, and you maybe would've come see me once in awhile. Yup, I liked that option real fine."

" You might not have gone to prison at all. It was an accident, Faith. Something would've been worked out…"

" Mmm-hmmm, " Faith seems to stare through her. " So, Buffy, when exactly are you going to stop lying?"

" I.am.not.lying!" Buffy enunciates each syllable carefully.

" At least, stop lying to yourself, " Faith rejoins. " Face it, Buffy. You wanted me gone from Day one. I wasn't like Kendra, willing to play second fiddle to you. I wanted my own , and you didn't like that. You didn't like that I got along good with your friends, your mom or your watcher. It bugged you. You were jealous. You thought I was gonna take it all from you, leaving you with squat. Isn't that so?"

" You got it so wrong! "

" Really? Funny, seemed to me you were scared I was gonna take your life from you. You hated me from day one, and wanted me oh so gone."

" I didn't hate you. I didn't! That's just a lie. Sure, at first I was wary of you. And yeah, I had some jealousy issues… at the very beginning. But I never wanted you gone. I never wanted what happened."

" Yeah. So isn't it strange, then? That Alan Finch happens to be in that alley that night? In the very alley you tell me we have to be, to defeat this Balthazar dude. By the packing warehouse. How do I know it wasn't like a set up? You lured him there, with some excuse, then threw him in the mix, so to speak, before I could…"

"No, how can you say that? That's so wrong! I didn't know he was there. I didn't… why're you doing this? It's …wrong. I didn't… wouldn't do that… you gotta believe me!"

" Sure, sure, B. I believe you. like, I believe you weren't going in to tell Giles on me, right? Blowing off school? Kinda lame-o, Buffy." She leans into Buffy. " Admit it Buffy. The truth now. You hated me, and you wanted me gone."

" No, you're wrong. I didn't hate you. I didn't want you gone!"

" Please, Buffy. I'm tired. It's way past now, you can be honest now. You set me up, because you hated me!"

" I didn't hate you!"

" Yes, you did. You hated me!" Faith moves in closer

" NO, I didn't hate you!"

" You hated me!" and closer

" NO, I DIDN'T . I LOVED YOU!"

Buffy's eyes go wide. She clamps her hands over her mouth, vainly hoping to stop the words that already escaped. She backs away, mortified.

Faith doesn't give her an inch. She keeps in Buffy's face, not letting her escape.

" Izzat a fact?" Faith says, " strange way to show it." She looks down at the blood on her blouse.

Buffy takes this opportunity to break away, turn away, and find some way to hide away, again. She's startled when she hears Faith chuckle.

" What's so funny?" She cries, turning around. Faith is standing there, smirking at her.

" You're funny, B. You've always been funny, ya know?" Faith's expression changes, goes cold and grim. " Too bad, though. You're a lousy liar."

" What? What do you mean? I'm not lying!"

Faith stands distant, everything about her distant. " Really? You love me? That's gotta be the biggest joke I've ever heard. Think about it, B. Think about everything you've done to me. How you treated me, how you made me suffer… Yeah, Buffy, suffer. I tried my damnedest to be what was expected of me, but it wasn't enough, was it? Never was. You treated me like the brat, I was an annoyance to you. The idiot sister you got stuck with, because your mom told you to take me with. It always gets back to ' Why can't you be more like Buffy', when you couldn't give a little, and be more like me. For a brief second there, it looked like you might FINALLY be coming around. Finally letting me in, defrosting that ice cube you call a heart. But hell no, that couldn't happen, could it?"

As she stands there, Faith changes, and Buffy is confronted with an image of herself. " When it got bad, you just had to let her swing, didn't you? You make all the nice noises how you'd stick by her, etc. and crappola forever, but really, even I don't buy that, and Hey, I'm you!" Alt Buffy moves closer in on her twin. " So, when it got rough, when the shit came down, you let her twist in the wind, didn't you, Buffy? And when she rebelled, after being treated like crap by you, you got all offended, didn't you Buffy. Turned everybody against her, didn't YOU Buffy? She was the bitch, the villain of the piece, right? And the poor sap? She bought it. She acted just as you wanted her to act, did the outrageous things she did, because you made her crazy. Yeah, YOU Buffy." Her alter ego looks at her with contempt.

" That's not true!" Buffy tries to defend herself, " I didn't mean…"

" What? You didn't mean it? You didn't mean to go there that night, to kill her? What, what did you think was gonna happen? Hugs and kisses, tea and cookies?" Alt Buffy laughs at her, at the idea of it. As she does, she changes back into Faith.

" Faith?" Buffy asks, feeling confused. Her anger is rising, however. " You bitch! You killed him. You want to kill me now too, don't you?" Something's wrong here, terribly wrong. _This isn't right. Nothing's right. What's happening to me?_

For a moment, everything goes black.

Buffy wakes up, and sees Glory standing a little away from her. She jumps to her feet, scared. She looks around and sees Willow and Dawn.

" Buffy?" Dawn says, getting up and starting to go to Buffy. Buffy turns towards her.

" Dawn? Stay back!" She pushes Dawn down. " She's here, stay hidden. I won't… I won't let her get you!"

Willow moves towards her. " Buffy, you're ill. You've got to lie down!" She puts an arm on Buffy's arm. Buffy shakes her off violently.

"NO!" Buffy cries out, " I told you, Will. I love you, but if anyone, ANYONE, tries to hurt her, I'll kill them!"

" Hello, Buffy. My, all the fam's here. How sweet."

Buffy whirls back around on Glory, facing her.

" You… I'll kill you!" She yells at Glory. " You can't have her! "

" Buffy, honey, that's not Glory. She's dead, Buffy, it's over."

" Yeah, Buffy, she's dead. She's been dead since you di…." Dawn trails off.

Buffy stops, looking intently at Glory. " Faith?"

Glory has morphed into Faith.

" Buffy? What's going on?"

" Are you here to kill me? Did you bring the knife?" Buffy feels strangely weak. " You… you killed him, you bitch! You want to kill me now, too?" She takes a step towards Faith and stops. _What's wrong with me?_. " God, you poisoned me too, didn't you? I'll… I'll kill… I gotta kill…" Buffy falls to her knees, grabbing her gut. The pain is like fire. " What did you do to me?"

Everything goes black.

Buffy wakes up. Everything around is black. In shadow. All she can see is right around her, because she's lying in a pool of light.

" Well, it's about time you woke up!" Glory, squatting by Buffy, slaps her. " Tell ya, you gotta have a hard head. Been slapping you for god, at least minutes. Geeze, think I like sitting here watching you sleep?"

Buffy, startled, tries to move away. She finds she's chained to the floor.

"What the hell?" She struggles against her bonds.

" Oh, get real. Think I need you chained up? It's just your mind, interpreting again. You mortals are so fragile, you can't deal with the truth. You're bound to your bed in the hospital, moron. You just in this dream of yours, think of them as chains."

"What? Why?"

" Because, you've been like… loony? Geeze I thought I was crazy, but you… you've been attacking everybody. They had to bind you up, or they couldn't treat you. Me, if they'd asked me, I say, let you die." Glory shrugs. " You've got septicemia, moron. It's making you delusional, oh and YAY, killing you. But they might actually pull it off and save you. Too bad."

"What do you want? Why're you here?" Buffy, realizing it's useless, stops struggling.

"Want? You know what I wanted. My key. But you and your idiot gang of flesh bags pretty much screwed that one up, didn't you? Oh well, anyway, that's not why I'm here. It's still about Faith. Another human. God, you humans, you're priceless." Glory thinks about that a second. " No, wait, make that worthless. All these stupid emotions. Who wants them? Who needs them? God, their pointless. But hey, I guess this isn't about me, dammit. It's about her. Faith. How you made her suffer, all those years. Now, that's a piece of work. I could almost respect you for that!"

" Suffer? I didn't make her…"

" Oh, please. Get real. You screwed with her mind so badly, you made her the bad guy. For years, she worried about what she 'did' to you. God, she's almost as stupid as you are!" Glory leans over, smiling at Buffy. " All that guilt you made her feel. God, I know how that feels. Ben did that to me. What a waste!" Glory laughs. " But she sat there, in prison, repenting her wrongs. Sure, she killed some people. She's no innocent. But you!" Glory pats Buffy on the shoulder. " God, what you did to her, no wonder she went all wonky. How you treated her. You're a prime bitch, you know that? and hey, don't get frowny, I mean that as a compliment!"

Buffy squeezes her eyes shut, turning her head away.

" Aw, now don't be like that." Glory reaches over, and forces her head back, squeezing her face with her fingers. " I mean it, stop it. It's rude. I'm talking here!"

Buffy's eyes pop open. She glares at Glory.

" Better. Well, anyway, we girls know, it wasn't her, don't we? It was YOU, Buffy. You lie to yourself, telling yourself that she wanted to take over your job, take over your life. But we know better, don't we? Yeah we do. All she wanted was to be part of it, to fit in. To be your friend. God, how she tried to be your friend, and you… what did you do? Blew her off, made sure she knew you didn't want her around. Why was that, Buffy? You were jealous. Oh, no, not because of the competition thing. You could deal with that. Kendra didn't do that to you. No, you were jealous, because soon as you saw her, soon as she blew into your life like a force of nature, she made you realize something. Something you couldn't deal with. That you wanted her more than ANYTHING in this world. That she was the one for you. Yup. That's it. When she tried to be a friend, when she didn't see what you felt, didn't want what you felt, when she didn't immediately want you like you wanted her. Well, there it is . You turned on her. You couldn't deal with it, and you made sure her life in Sunnydale? Would be one long misery. You always managed to make things when they went off, to seem to be her fault. You kept your friends from really getting to know her, isolated her. And you… god, you just made sure in very subtle ways to make her know that she wasn't welcome. Not saying she's innocent in this. She helped, by falling right in with what you did. Mrs. Post was right. Faith _was _an idiot. For trusting you, anyway." Glory shakes her head in admiration. " I swear, I've gotta like what you did. It's sweet, really sweet, you know? Sure you don't want to be a hell goddess? You seem to have a knack for it."

Buffy lies there, eyes closed. Tears are streaming down her cheeks.

" Truth hurts, don't it kiddo?" Glory says, mocking her. " Facing how badly you messed it up. Her life, your life. You messed it up really badly, didn't you? Now, aren't you sorry the witch brought you back? I know I'm sorry. She messed up the one good thing that happened in that whole Sunnydale fiasco."

" Leave her alone!" A voice comes out of the darkness.

" Oh, oh. Looks like someone's comin' to your defense. Want me to crush her like a grape?" Glory stands up.

" Get lost, loser. She killed you and your ' meat sack' of a twin long ago. GO!"

Glory fades, and in her place, Faith is standing over Buffy. She kneels down.

" Hey"

Buffy turns away, ashamed. She cries harder, her body wracking with sobs. She struggles against her bonds, trying to get away.

" Stop it, Buffy! Stop struggling. You're pretty sick, you know. That gut shot hit some stuff… we're not sure you're gonna make it."

Buffy goes limp. " Maybe that's for the best. Better for you, for everyone."

" Now, that's just insane-o talk, Buffy, " Faith says, reaching out and touching her on the arm. " You're sounding like her, now. Glory. You know she hates you, and your mind, where we are? Is using her to punish you. What she said? Not right. Oh, sure, what happened between us? You're at fault… and so am I. We both fucked it up, B. Pretty good, I'd say. But even if… well, even if something could've happened … it wouldn't have been right. Not then. We weren't ready, Buffy. We were kids. Things were way too out of control, nothing but bad would've come of it. Ok, bad came of it anyway, but it would've been worse. In bed, we would've torn each other apart, and out? Even more so. It would've been a helluva ride, but in the end? Crash and burn."

" So it's hopeless, then?" Buffy's voice sound hopeless.

" Look, B. Not gonna lie to you. We're way different. Oil and water. Never easy to mix, trust me, I've tried. But doesn't mean we can't at least start as friends, I mean, really friends this time, you know."

" Not hopeless?" A note of hope in her voice.

" No, not hopeless. I've never stopped reachin' out to you, B. But thing is, you gotta start reachin' back. My arm's getting damned tired, and hey, why should I have to do all the work? You've got to remember. No promises. You can't expect anything but friendship right now. If anything else is gonna happen, it'll happen. Don't try to force it. Got it?"

" Got it, " Buffy nods. " But…"

Faith gives her a look.

" Got it." Buffy sighs.

" Ok, well, now the final thing. It's time to wake up, you know? I mean, if you die, all this? Kinda pointless. So, sorry 'bout this…" Faith thinks about it a second. " No, wait. After all the times you hit me in the face? Not sorry!"

Faith slaps her, hard, across the face.

" WAKE UP!"

-5-

Buffy's eyes fly open. She immediately regrets it, because the lights are bright and a little on the harsh side, after her sleep. She squeezes them shut, then opens them slowly.

She's staring into the overhanging face of ….

Willow.

" Hey, there you are!" Willow says, softly. She reaches out and touches Buffy's face. " Welcome back, sweetie!"

Buffy tries to reach back, but her arm won't move._ What the hell? I'm paralyzed? Oh shit! Oh god oh no!_

"What…?" Buffy squeaks out, panicked. She tries to struggle against the restraints holding her.

" Buffy, Buffy. It's ok. They just had to restrain you…for your own safety, " Willow sighs, " Yours and the staffs. You kept fighting against something. 3 nurses refuse to even attend to you, now."

" Sorry," Buffy looks contrite." Are they ok?"

" They'll live," Willow smiles. " We were a little worried about you, though."

" So… ummm… can you?" She wiggles her fingers, indicating her restraints. " Maybe let me out of this now?"

" Sorry, Buffy," Another voice comes out of the air. Rupert Giles leans over the bed. " Not until a doctor approves it. They're still a little upset with you trashing the ER."

"WHAT? Giles, you're kidding, right?"

" No, I'm afraid not. When they wheeled you in on the gurney, you were unrestrained. You'd been so quiet, we thought it'd be ok. But as soon as you got in, you hopped off the gurney, and started fighting. Took a few slayers to get you back down. They won't let you out of restraints until they're sure you've…well, in your right mind." Giles looks a bit sheepish." Sorry."

" Oh, god." Buffy blushes. " What else did I do?"

" Well, for one thing, B. I really wish you'd find some other place to hit me, " Faith leans over. Even with concealer, Buffy can see the bruise on Faith's face. " ' Course, once you hit me, I knew you were gonna be ok. Buffy punches Faith in face, and the Universe is in align." She chuckles.

" Shit!" Buffy curses, closing her eyes. Her blush deepens.

" Buffy, language," Faith teases her. " Not in front of Red. She's got delicate ears."

" Hey! Not like I haven't heard it before!" Red flushes. " I mean, I swear too. I'm not little girl you've got to protect from the 'adult' language, you know. I mean, I'm in the big bad club, too, Faith! I can swear with the best of them. I can swear you under the table. Boy, if you think I can't swear, mister…" she stops when she realizes both Buffy and Faith are laughing.

" And, there she goes!" Faith hoots.

" Better watch it, Faith. One thing I've learned in my years with Will?" Buffy smiles, even though she feels like a dozen diesel trucks have run over her, repeatedly. " Don't piss off the witch!"

" Hey!" Willow glares at Buffy, and then glares at Faith. " HEY!"

" Chill, Red." Faith pokes her, gently. " Just kidding!"

"Sorry, Will. Forgive me?" Buffy looks at her with puppy eyes. She wiggles her fingers. Willow tries to keep looking stern, but a half grin breaks on her face.

" I guess," Willow says, sounding reluctant. She laces her fingers with Buffy's. She grins." I guess you're feeling better, huh, if you can make fun of me?"

" Just playing with you, Will." Buffy smiles at her, eyes half shut.

" Anyway, Red. You're just so adorable when you get all indignant and pouty," Faith reaches over and pinches Willow's butt.

" HEY! HANDS! WATCH THE HANDS!" Willow shouts, to another chorus of laughs. She shakes her head, disgusted.

" I'm outta here, before Faith thinks up anymore torture for me. She's so good at that" Throwing the barb back at Faith." I'll be back later, when she's crawled back under her rock." She leans over, gives Buffy a kiss on the head, and then hurriedly leaves.

" I better see if she's ok." Giles gets up, and shoots Faith a look." Sometimes, some people can overplay their hand." He leaves.

" Well, good one. Guess I kinda pissed them off, huh?" Faith looks at Buffy, expecting a glare. Instead, she finds her smiling. " What?"

" Don't sweat it, Faith. Sometimes they can be a little… full of themselves," Buffy chuckles.

Faith looks at her like she's insane.

" I guess you still must be feverish, or somethin. You're so not acting normal. By now I was expecting the " don't mess with my friends" lecture, " Faith teases her.

" Yeah, well…" Buffy deadpans." I think while they were fixing me up? They removed that cork wedged up my ass."

" BUFFEE!" Faith eyes almost goggle out of her head. Then her eyes narrow. " Who are you? And where the hell did you put B?"

Buffy grins briefly.

" Who am I?" Buffy sighs, feeling suddenly worse. " That's a good question." She turns her head to Faith, her expression serious. " I guess I'm gonna have some time to think about that. But one thing I know now. I'm somebody who wants to try to start over. With you, that is. I wanna try and… is there any way we can start again? Try to be friends?"

" We're friends, B. Sorta. Well, when we're not trying to pound each other in the ground, anyway."

" Yeah, I guess. But I want more. I want to be real friends. Friends who can trust each other?"

" I dunno, B, " Faith sighs, and stands up. " We… well, let's face it, B. We're too different…like oil …"

" … and water. Yeah, I know, not really good in the mix-y part."

Faith shoots a look at Buffy. _How the hell did she know what I was gonna say?_ " Maybe, Buffy, we just weren't supposed to be friends… like I said before, we weren't supposed to be slayers…not at the same time… maybe…"

" Oh crap, please stop it!" Buffy cries out. " Look, Faith, I know… I know I haven't really been a friend to you, like ever. I've …I've done lots of things that I regret, would take back if I could. I'm not feeling really proud of myself, ok? I've screwed up big time, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm begging here, Faith. Don't make me go on my knees. First of all, restraints," She pulls against them, then lies back. " And secondly, I'd probably fall over, anyway. Please, what can I do to convince you?"

Faith can't believe what she's hearing. More, she can't believe what she's seeing. Buffy's near tears, she can see them starting to leak from her eyes.

" You really want this, don't you?" Faith replies, her tone still wary.

Buffy closes her eyes, and nods. " Yesss…" she breathes softly.

_I'm gonna regret this. I'm gonna get home, and kick myself in the ass for this. Like, it'd be the first time?_

" Well, I guess… I suppose we could try it out, " Faith says, her tone reflecting her reluctance. " No promises. First time you piss me off, I'm kicking that bony ass of yours."

" Deal," Buffy breathes, not realizing she was holding her breath. She grins.

" We don't have to like, hug, do we?" Faith looks horrified at the thought.

" Oh yeah, so gonna hug you like this!" Buffy pulls at the restraints to demonstrate.

" Right, right." Faith stands there, relieved._ Oh, what the fuck!_

She walks over, and leans over, kissing Buffy on the forehead.

" Thanks," Buffy smiles softly.

" Don't get mushy on me, B. It doesn't mean crap!" Faith growls, playfully. " Remember, no promises."

" Right, got it. No promises."

" Excuse me, ladies. I don't mean to interrupt this love fest, but …" Robin wood comes into the hospital room. " Had to see how my favorite student counselor/ cum slayer was doing ." He grins, and walks to the bedside.

Faith goes over to him, and slips an arm around his waist. He puts his arm around her shoulders.

" Hi, baby." Faith looks up at him, " We've been making nice." They exchange a brief kiss.

" So I see. Didn't think I'd live to see the day you two would be all chummy cozy" Robin grins.

" It's no big, trust me," Faith rolls her eyes to cover any embarrassment she's feeling.

" Hey, look at you!" Buffy says, a little weakly from her bed, " All up and about. You were pretty hurt, last I remember."

" Yeah, but it was a clean cut. Not like you. You're liver got nicked. It was kinda touch and go there for awhile. So, how're you feeling, anyway?"

" I so want the number to that truck that hit me, " Buffy deadpans. " gonna put the driver in the ground, I'm thinking."

Robin and Faith laugh.

" Yeah, well, B. I think you better worry 'bout getting well first. You're still not out of the woods yet. You're gonna be here a few more days, at least."

" Crap!"

" Now, now. Don't worry. I'll come by and visit you. Make your life totally miserable," Faith grins.

" Promise?" Buffy grins back.

" Yeah, sure, why not?" Faith says, noncommittally. " I mean, we've got a couple of weeks yet, don't we? Before you've got to be in New York?"

"Whoa, wait. What? You're leaving? When did this all happen?" Buffy looks confused, and upset.

" Well, you've been in here quite a while, Buffy." Faith says, " Robin got a job in New York. I figured, I go with. You know, east coast girl here… kinda jonesing for the whole thing."

"Wait a minute, what the heck?" Buffy looks around. " How long have I been in here?"

Robin exchanges a look with Faith.

" You didn't tell her?" Robin asks, surprised.

" Well, she just woke up. Didn't really have much time, you know."

" Tell me what? TELL ME WHAT?"

They both look uncomfortable.

" How long have I been in here?"

" Two months, Buffy. You've been in and out of a coma for the last two months."

Buffy feels like she's been hit in the stomach with a 20 pound sledgehammer.

" Two months… I've been… two months." She whispers.

" 'Fraid so, B, " Faith says, commiserating. " I know how it can feel…" She adds, lamely.

Buffy looks at the both of them all couple-y. _Two months. They've been together nearly 2 months. Shit. Well, you did say, no promises. You didn't mention, not a fucking chance in hell._

Buffy puts on her game face. " Well, guess that's two months of my life not gonna get back, huh?" She shrugs. " So, look at the two of you. All couple-y and … couple-y. So, when did this happen?" Buffy smiles.

" Well, kinda before we fought the first… then when Robin got out of the hospital… well, you know, B." Faith winks at her. Buffy smiles. " Anyway, we kind of… well, decided we'd give it a go. You know, the living together thing. And, since Robin's going back east, and I was gonna head there anyway…"

" Hey, this is great," Buffy says, maybe a shade too quickly, " I mean, really, this is … great. I'm like really happy… for both of you. You know? I mean… this is great…" Buffy fades off. She recovers quickly, " Hey, I'd hug you both, but…" She shrugs, indicating the restraints.

Robin and Faith come to the opposite sides of her bed, each taking one of her hands. She squeezes both.

" Hey, you be good to her, hear?" Buffy says to Robin.

" Do I dare not?" Robin teases. Faith blushes a little.

" True. Hey, Faith, " She turns to Faith, " no fair breaking any bones if he pisses you off, got it?"

" Got it, B, " Faith grins.

They stand there for a minute, in silence, Buffy grinning at each of them in turn. Finally, Robin senses that Buffy has more to say… just not in front of him.

" Umm… think I'll get something from the machine. Feeling a little dry" He says. He turns to Faith. " I'll wait for you outside."

" Yeah, sure, ok, "Faith, a little puzzled, says, " I'll be right out."

Robin smiles once at Buffy, then turns and leaves.

It's quiet in the room after Robin leaves, as both slayers find it hard to start the conversation.

" Well, guess I best be going too. You look wiped. I'll see you tomorrow, B." Faith starts to leave, but Buffy holds tight to her hand. Faith looks at her , puzzled.

" So, ummm… does he do it for you, Faith?" Buffy asks, hesitantly. Not really sure she wants to hear the answer.

" Yeah. I mean, he's sweet and all… and boy, can he last…" Faith smirks.

" So, uhhh … you're happy then?" Buffy asks.

Faith cocks her head, and smiles. " Yeah, I guess I'm happy, B."

" That's wonderful!" Buffy exclaims, again, a shade too quickly. Faith looks at her a little puzzled.

" You ok, B?" Faith asks.

" Yeah, just tired I guess. "

" Well, guess I better go then. I'll catch you later, ok?"

" Sure… wait, Faith!"

" What?"

" We're friends, right?"

" Yeah, sure, B." Faith looks at her suspiciously.

" Well, I just gotta know…" Buffy trails off, a little embarrassed.

" What?"

" About Robin…" Buffy stalls for a second. " Well, we didn't get all… wriggly like you did. So, I'm just wondering…well…I mean…"

A light goes on in Faith's head.

" You wanna know… how big?"

" Yeah," Buffy turns red, blushing.

_So cute… but still a little cork left up in there, huh, B?_

Faith leans over and whispers into Buffy's ear. Buffy's eyes go wide.

" You're shitting me, right?"

" No shit B"

" … and he like, lasts a long time?"

" Oh yeah," Faith gets a happy little grin on her face.

" Wow… I mean…wow…" Buffy seems amazed. Then she smirks. " don't suppose you'd consider a threesome?"

" BUFFEE!" Faith blushes this time, but is grinning ear from ear. " Get your own stud!"

" Right… right…" Buffy winks at her. " Still… " She cocks her head a little.

" Just who ARE you anyway?" Faith laughs. " I gotta go. Man, you must be feeling better… or maybe, you're brain's fried. Dunno." Faith turns to leave.

" Hey…HEY!"

" What?"

" Don't I get a kiss?"

"What the heck has gotten into you, Buffy?" Faith shrugs. She comes over, and leans over to kiss Buffy's cheek. At the last moment, Buffy turns her face, so their lips graze instead. Faith backs up, a little surprised.

"Sorry. Sorry. Turned my cheek to get a kiss and …oooops," Buffy shrugs.

" Yeah, ok, Buffy, " Faith seems a little at a loss. " I'll catch you later, 'K?"

" Sure. I'm bushed," Buffy sighs, snuggling down. " Later Faith."

Faith turns and leaves, with a puzzled expression.

As soon as Faith leaves, Buffy's face falls. Her whole body slumps.

_Two months? I been here two fucking months? And they've been together that whole time? Getting all hot and sweaty? Damn! What did she say? They're leaving in two weeks? Not good, not good! Not enough time. Well, certainly not if I'm stuck in this place. God._

_No promises, right? No promises!_

_Damn!_

_

* * *

_

To Be Continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Huh?

Part II

Pairings: Primarily Buffy and Faith, but that doesn't preclude other stuff.

Summary: A story set post " Chosen ". Really rather defies summarization, but it's about the Chosen Two, Buffy and Faith. Do we ever really know someone else until we know ourselves?

Timeline/ Spoilers: Set post Season 7, so it will probably include references from the prior 7 seasons. Hope you've seen them by now( all out on DVD).

Legal stuff : You betcha. The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. I'm just borrowing them. Trust me, I'm not making anything on writing this.

Disclaimer: Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Not good for you…ok, well except maybe the last. Everything is fair game, so if something offends you, sorry. I'm not perfect, and I'm not PC. If you don't like the idea of women being in love with each other, this is NOT the story for you. Also, not the story for you if you're birth date is after 1986. Oh, and if you're heavily religious? This story probably won't appeal to you either. Ooops.

-1-

She stood high above the sea, looking down on the restless waves as they crashed against the rocks on the shore. Like the sea, she felt restless, searching for something missing in her life.

**_She drew the shawl closer around her shoulders. The wind was cold up here; its icy breath penetrated her garments. A thousand tiny needles prickled her skin, her cheeks were ruddy from exposure._**

**_She didn't even know why she was out here. She could be home right now, home by the fire, warm and safe. Home with Roderick. Ahhh, Roderick._**

**_Roderick was the love of her life. Tall, muscular, her heart beat a little faster when he entered the room. His cool dark eyes, his perfect smile, and the way his hair tousled on his forehead. He was beautiful beyond beautiful. When he held her, she felt warm, and safe. She felt loved to every inch of her being. He was perfect in every way._**

**_Yet she was here, out on the plain, in the cold. Something drew her here, made her come here at sunset. Waiting, waiting, always waiting. For what, she didn't know. Each morning she told herself, " Not again, I won't go again. It's foolish, it's madness!". Yet, as each day approached its end, she was here. Waiting._**

**_Even before she felt it, she saw it. The presence. She looked up and there it was. The figure. The stranger that appears at each sunset. Standing just far enough away that she can't make out who it is . Covered in a cloak, so far away, the stranger brings a shiver to her spine. A shiver of fear… and strangely, of excitement._**

**_She feels an intense curiosity. " Who is it?" She wonders. She's tried to approach, but always the stranger recedes back. She knows it's useless, yet she feels compelled to yet again approach the stranger. She has to know. She has to!_**

**_She starts to run, hoping this time she can catch the stranger before the figure can get away. As always, it recedes , seeming to know her every move. Before she can draw close, it has vanished in the early evening mist._**

****_ **Wait!" She cries out, still running after the elusive phantom. " Don't go! Who are you? What do you want?"**_

**_There is no answer to her cries. As always, silence reigns over the field. She stops running, realizing she's alone. Once again, all alone. She feels lost… and empty._**

" Ahhhhhh"

Faith sighs heavily as she closes the book. She lays it in her lap as she leans back, stretching out.

" What utter crap!" She murmurs, thinking about the fantastic plot of the novel. "Total trash."

She loves it. It's one of her guilty pleasures: Totally trashy romance novels.

She started reading them while in prison; there wasn't much choice in the couple of bookshelves that they laughingly called a 'library'. It was a way to pass time; the worst part about prison was the day to day boredom. She wasn't there to get involved with the day to day politics of prison life, and she was strong enough to keep the really baduns away from her. She wasn't much of a reader, never had been before going to prison. No time for reading; partying , fighting and just hanging out took all her time. But in there, all she had was time.

Angel encouraged her reading; philosophy, history, anything to stimulate her mind, to get her thinking about life. But it was … well, somewhat dry. She needed something else, something less taxing at times. Something that would let her relax, and let her think of things besides the walls of the prison.

At first, any reading was a chore. The words were all blurry, and she'd have to hold the book far away to make out the print. It was while in prison she had her eyes checked and found out she was farsighted. The doctor fitted her for a pair of reading glasses, and her life changed.

She read everything she could get her hands on. Everything Angel brought her, and whatever was in the 'library'. That's where she discovered romance novels, and she was hooked. Totally, utterly hooked. For awhile she could lose herself in the inane and complicated plots. She could see a world previously not open to her. But mostly, she just loved the silly world of heaving bosoms, throbbing members and all the soft core sex that the novels oozed.

She knew it was stupid and unrealistic and well, just too fluffy for words. She also knew if anyone knew of her addiction to this trash, she would be totally kidded like mad. But isn't that the definition of a guilty pleasure?

She didn't know, and didn't care. She just knew she was a junkie, and had to have her fix. Problem was, like all junkies, she had to keep her addiction a secret. She couldn't bear the shame of discovery…

Faith lay back, letting the rays of the afternoon sun splash over her.

She was by the pool at the guest house that Giles, with Angel's help, had found for them. They'd stayed in a motel the first few days, but money was tight, and finally, they'd turned to Angel for help.

It was then that they discovered that Angel's situation had changed. Radically changed. Instead of fighting Wolfram and Hart, he was working for them. Heading up the L.A. branch as CEO, along with Fred, Wes and Gunn. Cordelia was in a coma, squirreled away in some hospital. Waiting for her to awake.

It was all very, very weird. And somewhat disturbing. Not that Angel didn't help. He took care of accommodations for the group, arranged for the parents of the mini slayers to pick up their children. Found and paid for hospital stays for the injured, especially Buffy. He'd been really keen on the best for Buffy. _Any wonder about that one?_ All in all, they couldn't have gotten by very long without his help.

The whole ' heading up Wolfram and Hart' thing though. That really was unnerving. Giles, Willow and Xander had been particularly worried about the change; they wondered if Angel was slowly slipping back into being Angelus, heading up Evil, Inc. They became wary; while remaining polite, they started distancing themselves from Angel and Co.

Faith for her part, saw it differently. Maybe because her own experiences had been so different from the others, or because she felt a certain debt to Angel, because he never gave up on her. Or a combination of both. Whatever it was, she saw it closer to what Angel and Co. believed. That it was an opportunity, a way to use the resources of Wolfram and Hart against the evil they did here and in other dimensions. She, much better than the others, realized the value of compromise. Her time in prison had taught her the value of making the system work for you. Also, she didn't see life with the eyes of an idealist; she knew how harsh it could be. How there were no absolute whites or blacks, just shades of gray. Lots and lots of grays.

That still didn't change the fact she worried about him. Change that, worries about him. As time goes on, she sees changes in him. Subtle changes, not anything you can point a finger at and say " Ah HAH!" Just little things; things he did differently before. And it didn't take a seer to see that something deep inside had changed with him. Some heartache eats at him, as if he's lost something he can never get back.

She knows he's strong, capable of taking care of himself. But she wishes she could somehow discover what it is that is making him ache this way. _Maybe it's Buffy. Maybe he's just worried at how sick she's been. I know how much he loves her. God, he's never gotten over her. What is it about that little blond that just runs through people's lives like a hurricane, tossing everything into the wind?_

Faith chuckles to herself. Buffy has had a profound influence on her own life, whether she likes it the idea or not. Much as she wants to just leave the whole " Sunnydale gang" behind her, she really can't. to do that.She'd have to cut out the last 5 years of her life, pretending it never happened. It's beyond weird how much influence the blond one still has on her life. Even now, after it's over. Things are on the eve of change; she'll soon be shed of this ' slayer' crap and be in New York with Robin. But still, at the eleventh hour, there's Buffy, still turning her life upside down.

First co-workers. Then sorta friends. Then totally enemies. Then… what? Co-workers again? Now? Friends? What the hell is going on around here. What is with this ' New Buffy" anyway?

She finds that most disturbing of all. Because Buffy REALLY has changed. It's always been Buffy is wary of Faith, watching her, waiting for the explosion. Trust was never an issue between them, because frankly, there was none. They were sort of edgy around each other, not sure how to act, how to respond. They'd get on each others nerves, then apologize, and then get on each others nerves again. It wasn't always fun, but it was predictable. Faith could count on getting at least one face punch somewhere along the line, and she got her revenge by needling Buffy until she was crazy. Good times. Well, at least, understandable times

Now, it's all different. Buffy woke up from her coma, and there's a different look in her eyes. It was if Buffy was seeing her from new eyes, as if what happened in the past hadn't happened. Faith saw it that first day, and wasn't sure what it meant.

She still doesn't know what it means. Since she's been out of the hospital, Buffy's doing her best to make their relationship different. She's more relaxed around Faith, yet there's an element of urgency in her actions. Faith is at a loss to explain it. _Not that I'm complaining… really. I mean, she's warm and friendly, and god she tries to include me in EVERYTHING! To the point where sometimes I gotta hide in my room, hoping she won't find me! I mean, c'mon, just how many times can you go to a mall, and it mean something? Though, gotta admit, when she's doing the shopping thing, and she shows parades a new wardrobe in front of me, it's kinda cute. And she knows how to dress for full effect! No doubt the girl's got it goin' on. But then she tries to get me into the act, and I'm like, not feeling all fashion model-ish. Ok, sometimes I give into the girly side, and do it… but then she gets this look on her face, and she's… well, god, I'm feeling like I'm being checked out for dinner… with me as the fucking main course! Where's that comin' from? Oh … and hey, explain to me why one minute she's like in my face aggressively friendly, then she suddenly turns shy and withdraws? What's with that? I've known B off and on say for 5 years, and I've never seen her not have something to say about everything. Until now. I mean, like the other day we're talking and laughing, about the people we know. And I'm telling her about Robin, some of the weird stuff he does. I mean, c'mon, how many guys color co-ordinate their underwear drawer? And how many times in a day can anyone floss and live? I'm chattering away, and I look over, and I see this look on her face. It's… like she's jealous. Well, guess I can get that. I mean, she's been like dry forever on the romantic front. Guess I should be a little more careful on that stuff, but geeze. I saw this longing in her expression. It was… I got a big wiggins out of that one…_

" Hey. Want some company?"

-2-

Faith nearly starts out of her skin when she realizes she's not alone. Buffy is standing by her chair, her hand on Faith's shoulder._ Gimme a heart attack, why don't ya, B?_ She looks up, and does a double take.

Now, Faith is by no means the mistress of modesty. She's lying out on the deck in a two piece bathing suit that is certainly revealing, and works very much to her advantage.

However, what Buffy's wearing would get you arrested in a lot of states. Her top, if you can call it that, looks like a couple of band-aids sewn together. They barely cover her nipples. Her bottoms follow the trend, being barely existent. They cover her sex, barely, high French cut and a thong to boot. She is as close to naked as one can be outside without being arrested. But what draws Faith's attention the most is…_ the girl has no tan lines! That can only mean that she sunbathes… _Faith is not sure she wants to go there.

"Whatcha reading?" Before Faith can stop her, Buffy snatches her book. She reads the title, and a big grin comes to her face.

"Romance novels? You?" Buffy giggles. She opens the book and starts to read.

" **_She cuddled close to her lover, her intense passion for the moment sated. She slipped her shell like hand under the sheets, feeling the warm hardness of his chest. Laying her head down, she heard the steady rhythm of his heart. She couldn't remember when she'd been so happy._**"

**_" It was perfect, all perfect. Yet why, in the midst of their lovemaking, did the stranger intrude upon her? Why did she, as she felt Roderick's loving member within her, want to be with the stranger? What perversity infected her soul, to steal from the moment her love from…"_**

" Hey, gimme that back!" Faith shouted, jumping up to grab the book away from Buffy.

Buffy, giggling, dances away from Faith. She holds the book up and reads:

" **_How can I be so wanton? To want another, when I have my darling beautiful Roderick in my arms. I love him so much, yet my heart aches for… the other…_**"

" Damn you, Buffy, give it to me!" Faith says, chasing Buffy as she runs with the book in hand.

" Gotta catch me first, slowpoke!" Buffy laughs, running around the pool.

Faith is hot on her heels, not caring that Buffy is still recovering somewhat from her injury. She's royally pissed, not liking Buffy knows her secret, and not wanting Buffy to spread it around. And not admitting there might be a little more to this chase than just recovering her novel.

Buffy stops at the water's edge, holding the book back and away from Faith. Faith jumps at the book, trying to snag it from Buffy's outstretched hand. But it's just out of reach.

" Stop this, B. Stop acting like a child, and gimme my book back!"

" Or what? Whatcha gonna do, Faith?" Buffy giggles, waving the book tauntingly at her.

Faith stops . A wicked grin covers her face. She pushes lightly on Buffy's chest. Buffy, being already overbalanced, starts to fall backward into the pool. Faith makes a last grab at the book. Buffy grabs at Faith, trying not to fall in, and together both fall into the pool.

Faith realizes a few things when she resurfaces. First of all, she's still wearing her reading glasses, and now they are water spotted. Making half her vision very blurry. Secondly, her book is floating on the surface of the water, ruined. Finally, Buffy has popped up to the surface, and is splashing her with water, laughing like a loon. From relaxing in the sun, Faith has gone to soaking wet, pissed off and… looking at the quickly swelling paperback, sans novel.

Faith is not a happy camper. She swims over to retrieve her now soggy book.

" The look on your face? Priceless, " Buffy crows, following her, still splashing her.

Faith recovers her book, holding it above the water. A trickle of water streams from the waterlogged pages. Her face wears a half grin of irritation.

" Oh, oh. That's one book that's never coming back, " Buffy chortles, " guess we'll never find out what happens with Roderick now, huh?"

Faith just stares daggers at her. She doesn't even want to speak to Buffy. She heads toward the pool ladder, meaning to get out.

" Aw, c'mon Faith, don't be that way. I was just…"

" What? Just what? What the hell were you thinking, anyway? I was just fine til you barged in." Faith flings the book at Buffy, just missing her head. " Thanks bunches, B." She starts to climb out of the pool.

" Geeze, don't get so cranky, Faith. Just having some fun!" Buffy pouts. Spotting the book, she picks it up, and tosses it, hitting Faith in the back. Faith freezes.

" Oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you…" Buffy wilts a little.

" Yeah, you're sorry. Story of life, B...You're always dumping on me, then you're sorry. God, hasn't the last few months been enough? I mean, while you were snoozing the time away in the hospital, getting your beauty sleep, I was dealing with getting the girls back home, and all the attendant crap. Robin wanted me to go with him on this trip, but I told him no, so I could be here when you got out of the bloody hospital. You said you wanted to be friends, and hey, I fell for it, ya know? Thought we could spend a little time trying … hell, I don't know what. But you've made me some kind of special project, dragging me here and there. If I see one more fucking mall, I'm gonna hurl, you know? And you're always at me, never giving me like 10 seconds to myself. God, get a clue, B. Please, just back the fuck off!"

Buffy, dog paddling in the middle of the pool, looks crushed. " I was just wanting to … I saw you lying there, alone, and I thought…" her mouth slams shut, her expression goes tight." Fine, whatever. I get it. Sorry, really sorry I bothered you!" she turns to swim to the opposite edge of the pool, and yelps in pain. She looks down, and there's blood in the water. " Shit!"

Faith whirls, hearing the yelp, and sees Buffy floating there, looking down at the water. She sees the blood.

" Aw shit" She dives back in, swimming to Buffy. " What happened?" She starts to pull Buffy to the edge of the pool.

Buffy bats her arms at her, pushing her away. " Leave me alone, I'm fine, I'm fine" She swims to the edge, and starts to pull herself up… and falls back. " Crap!" She floats there, starting to looks a little scared. A pain shoots through her. " OW!"

Faith, worried, swims to her and sees her bleeding. " God, Buffy, what the hell…" She takes Buffy in her arms, and starts swimming towards the shallow end of the pool. As soon as her feet hit the bottom, she carries her quickly out of the pool.

" I'm an dope, is all" Buffy complains, looking a little pale. " Let me down, I'm fine!" She struggles in Faith's arms. " Let me down!"

Faith has a hard time holding a wriggly, wet slayer. She puts her down on her feet.

" Not helpless, I can walk." Buffy says, putting her hand over her wound. She takes a few steps, but her knees buckle, and she goes down on her knees. " Well, isn't this fun?" she growls. She rests for a minute, closing her eyes. Then she forces herself back on her feet.

Faith comes up to her, putting an arm around her waist. She takes Buffy's arm and drapes it over her shoulder. She lifts her.

" Leave me alone! I'm fine!" Buffy protests, loudly. " God, just let me go to my room, ok?" Again, she starts wriggling in Faith's arms.

" Don't be stubborn, B. God, You're bleeding. Just let me carry you back to your room, ok?"

"It's not serious… just pulled a stitch, I think" Buffy looks at her side. She notices Faith's scar, and gently touches it. " I did this to you." She frowns.

" Yeah, B. I kinda remember that. I was there." Faith carries her away from the pool, heading to the entrance.

" I'm sorry," Buffy says quietly.

" You've already kinda done that, B. Don't have to keep apologizin' for it"

" I meant today. I'm sorry." She looks up at Faith.

" Yeah…well, me too. I kinda got over bitchy. Not a big, really." Faith sees the blood and feels a little guilt._ Might not of come to all this if I hadn't pushed her in. Damn._

" I'm so stupid. I didn't mean…and now… crap"

" I just don't get it, " Faith shakes her head, " I mean… all of it, you know? Why the … never mind."

Faith climbs the stairs holding Buffy. When they reach the landing, Buffy puts a hand on her shoulder.

" Let me down now, ok?"

" Buffy… you're hurt. Just let me…"

" No. We're close, I can walk from here. If Willow sees you carrying me, she'll have a cow. Just let me down, 'k?"

Faith looks at Buffy like she's lost her mind, but complies. Gently, she sets her down on her feet. Buffy throws her arm over Faith's shoulder, and Faith puts and arm around her waist. They walk towards Buffy's room.

Willow pops her head out of her room.

" Hey guys, what's going on? Oh my…what happened?" Willow rushes over to Buffy." You're bleeding." She turns on Faith. " What did you do to her?"

" Hey!" Faith gets defensive, " I didn't do…"

" Will, it wasn't her. I was stupid. I just went swimming when I shouldn't have. Faith pulled me out of the pool. I think I just maybe pulled a stitch. Don't worry, I'll be fine." Buffy sees Willow's expression. " I will be. Honest!"

Willow looks as if she's not believing Buffy's prognosis. " Yeah, well, we'll go and have a doctor check it out." She looks at Faith apologetically. " Sorry, my bad." She smiles contritely.

"Whatever. Just open her door, ok?"

Willow rushes to Buffy's door and opens it. Faith, with Buffy leaning on her, enters and helps Buffy to the bed. Buffy lies down, with Willow and Faith flanking her.

Willow leans over, examining Buffy's wound." I think its scarier looking than scary. But I still want you to see a doctor." She looks up at Faith, and smiles." I've got it now. You can go if you want."

" Actually, Will? Could you wait outside for a bit? I want to talk to Faith."

Willow looks at Buffy, then at Faith, who shrugs. With a puzzled and worried expression, she leaves.

For a few moments, it's silent. Buffy lies on the bed, just staring up at Faith. Faith stands, expectantly. When nothing comes, she starts to get a little restless.

" What?" Faith finally breaks the silence.

" Hmmm?" Buffy replies, almost as if coming out of a daze. " Oh, sorry. Yeah, look, Faith… I'm really sorry about before. I didn't mean to upset you."

" Buffy, we did this already. You already did the sorry bit. Let's let it drop, ok? I overreacted too. You just kinda surprised me, is all." She mutters something.

" Huh? Didn't hear that last part." Buffy says.

" Not meant to, B. But, if you've gotta know, I said, you've been kind of surprising me for awhile."

Buffy looks at her puzzled.

" You've been like all gung ho on this togetherness thing, B. It's been drag me here, drag me there. I'm not saying it hasn't been fun, but it's kind of confusing, too. We're… well, lets face it, we've never been really good friends. I'm not getting why all of a sudden you're trying to pack years into days." Faith kneels down beside her. " I mean, I think you're just trying too hard, do you get it?"

Buffy closes her eyes. " Yeah. I just thought… it was better than not trying at all."

" Huh?" Faith isn't sure if Buffy means herself, or Faith. She's not sure what to think about that.

" For so many years, Faith, I didn't try at all. Not really, " Buffy keeps her eyes closed, not wanting to look at Faith. " I guess I just never figured we could be more than, well… enemies?" She squints through one eye to gauge Faith's reaction. " I meant what I said in the hospital, Faith. I want to be your friend. But your leaving so soon, that I guess, I just wanted to pack it all in before you left. " She shrugs, and turns away.

Faith looks at her for a moment, thinking. Her expression is unreadable. She gets up, and sits on the bed next to Buffy.

" Ok, I guess I kinda get that, " Faith's tone is neutral," but what was the deal today? I mean, were you trying to what? Piss me off?"

" No… no… I … it's stupid, " Buffy moves away on the bed.

" Buffy, don't do that. You're already injured, don't make it worse" Faith chides her gently, " now just out with it. What's the deal. First, you dress like this" Faith indicates her barely- there bathing suit, " not that it looks bad on you, or nothin. You can pull it off. But then, you get all … screwy and start stealing my book and getting me to chase you. What…?"

" I just wanted someone to play with, " Buffy blurts out.

" Ok, again. Huh? "

" Faith, ever since I've been a slayer, it's been like, all business. You know? I can't just … I haven't had time to just … goof around. And no one really I can goof with, do you get it?"

" No, actually, I don't. Because you've got Willow, who sticks like glue to you. Surely…"

" I love Willow, I do. And I hang with her, and we do stuff. But I can't really… well, get physical with her. I mean, I could hurt her, bad. Now you… you, if I get like rough, you're not gonna have broken bones after… well, unless we get really rough…" she laughs. Then yelps a little when she gets a small stab of pain.

" Easy. I'm thinking, getting rough right now? Not a good idea for you." Faith just can't make sense out of what Buffy's saying. " B. Be honest with me here, what's the deal. I mean, really?"

" I told you…" Buffy sees Faith's doubting expression. " What?"

" What your saying? It sounds good, but it doesn't add up. None of this does. You've been acting weird since the hospital. You sure you don't have like brain fever or something?"

Buffy frowns. " So, I guess you're saying I'm crazy for trying to be your friend? Is that it?"

" No, but that's not what your trying to do here. I mean, really, is it? Because, if so, it's really way out in left field."

" So, that's what you think, huh?" Buffy's tone takes on a chilly aspect.

" Buffy, did you ever think, maybe you're pounding a round peg in a square hole?"

" Not getting you," Buffy says as if she doesn't want to understand.

" Maybe you're trying to force something that shouldn't happen, you know? Maybe we just weren't meant to be friends, you know? I'm not saying I don't appreciate you trying and all, but maybe sometimes, you just gotta face facts. Some things? Just not gonna happen."

Buffy turns to her, looking into her face. " Is that what you want, then?" Her expression is grim.

" B, sometimes it's not about what you want. It's just what is."

" Whatever, " Buffy says in a deprecating tone. " Do me a favor… you know, one you'd do for a common stranger, ok?"

" Buff…don't …"

" On your way out, " Buffy ignores her, " send Willow in, ok?"

" B, maybe we should talk some more?"

" Pointless, don't you think? Just go, ok?" Buffy turns her face away.

" B?"

" What part of " Go" didn't you get?"

" Ok, ok. Goodbye." Faith, completely clueless, walks out of the room.

Buffy lies on the bed, biting her lip. _Won't do it. Won't cry. Stupid, pointless, dumb. Not a child. Not gonna do it._

Faith passes Willow standing in the hall.

" She wants to see you, " Faith says, as she passes.

" Thanks, " Willow notices Faith seems in a hurry to get away. " Where you going?"

" Out."

" Where?"

" Anywhere that isn't here."

" What If I need help with Buffy?" Willow calls out to the retreating Slayer's back.

" Call Giles. Call anybody. Just not me!" Faith calls over her shoulder as she retreats down the stairs.

-3-

Willow can feel the tension flowing off Buffy as soon as she enters her room. She pretends not to notice, and walks over to Buffy's bed. Sitting down on the bed, she takes a look at Buffy's wound.

" It doesn't look too bad, I guess. Still, like to have a doctor look at it."

" It's nothing, Will. Just a little blood. No big, it doesn't even hurt, " Buffy lies. " I've had worse. Just get some bandages, and we'll wrap it up."

" Buffy… I really think you should…"

" Will, get bandages, please? Don't argue, ok? Not needing it right now!" Buffy's tone is off.

Willow catches the odd note in her voice. " Ok, but we need to talk, Buffy."

" Actually, no we don't" Buffy says.

Willow stops in her tracks, and turns back to Buffy. Her hands are on her hips, and her face is set.

" Buffy Anne Summers. You can blow others off with that attitude, but this is me, Willow. I know something's wrong, and if you think you can just tell me we're not going to talk when you darn well know we're going to talk, well, you've got another think coming, mister!"

Buffy sits stunned for a second, as she does every time Mt. Willow goes off. Then she starts to laugh.

" I can't get away with nothing with you, can I Will?" Buffy chuckles. But the laugh doesn't sound at all amused.

" No, you really can't, " Willow agrees. " I know you way too well, Buffy Summers. You can't bluff you're way out of it with me, you know. Anyway, we tell each other everything, right?" Willow turns and heads to the bathroom.

" Uh-huh, " Buffy says, lightly, " like ummm… you told me about Kennedy."

" Hey! That's not fair. I mean, I wasn't really sure about Kenny, and then… well, it got complicated, me turning into Warren and all… and I didn't really want … wait a minute!" Willow's head pops out of the bathroom. " You stop that. This isn't about me. And anyway, look who's talking. Mrs. Almost Spike!" As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she regrets it, seeing the look on Buffy's face.

" Gosh, Buffy. I'm sorry… really!" Willow, bandages and antiseptic in hand, comes back into the room. " I'm such a dope sometimes."

" It's ok, Will. " Buffy reassures her, " I kinda had that coming. And… it was complicated with Spike. I know at the end, I cared about him. Maybe something would've come of it, if he hadn't died. But… well, playing ' what if '? Really pointless, you know? She's gone, and there's no changing that…"

Willow, who's been attending to Buffy's wound, looks up sharply. " What?"

Buffy grins at her, amused. " Going deaf, Will? I said, he's gone. There's no changing that."

" No, Buffy, actually you didn't."

" Excuse me, Will. But I know what I said."

" You said, ' She's gone, and there's no changing that '."

" You're crazy, Will. You know, I think you've got to stop Kennedy from nibbling on your ears. I think it's affecting your hearing…"

" No, Buffy. Don't even try this. I know what I heard!"

Buffy throws up her hands in mock surrender, " Ok, ok, whatever, Will. I give up. Just a slip of the tongue, you know?"

Willow just looks at her with a strange little smile on her face. She dabs some antiseptic on Buffy's wound, and Buffy winces. For the first time, she takes a good look at how Buffy's dressed.

" Buffy, just a question. Why're you wearing that?" Willow indicates Buffy's nearly nude bathing suit.

" You like?" Buffy grins, " I bought it the other day."

" Well, I admit, it's certainly an attention getter. A little over the top, don't you think?"

" What do you mean?"

" Well, frankly, Buffy, if you stretch too much in that suit, your boobies? Definitely gonna be coming over the top."

" WILL!" Buffy cries out, blushing deep red.

" Frankly, Buffy, I've seen strippers wear more… after their act is done!"

" Willow Rosenberg! You're terrible!" Buffy is blushing three shades of red. " You go to watch strippers?" She sounds surprised.

" Yeah, sometimes. With Kenny. She kinda digs it, " Willow says, blushing a little. " Hey, gay, remember?"

" Just… really … not what I was expecting… not from you?" Buffy ,feeling very naked suddenly, moves to cover up.

" Oh for goodness sakes, Buffy. Not interested in you that way, " Willow says, giggling. " Well, maybe a little, but not going to like move on you… anyway, I'm with Kenny…"

Buffy still moves to cover herself with the sheet, but Willow stops her.

" Buffy, can't bandage you if I can't reach you. Just chill. I'm gay, not a molester!"

Buffy chuckles nervously as Willow applies the bandage.

" You never did answer my question, Buffy."

"What?" Buffy seems distracted, " Oh, yeah, well. Gee, Will, wanted to get some sun, you know? Figured… sunning equals wearing bathing suit…so…"

" Buffy, I've been with you lots when you've gone tanning, ok? You've never worn anything so … diminutive before. Why now?"

Buffy doesn't answer for the longest time. Willow sighs, figuring she's not going to get an answer. She collects up the debris on the bed, and starts to get up when Buffy's hand on her arm restrains her.

" Willow, can I ask you something?"

" Sure Buffy, " Willow sits back down, " Ask away. "

Again, it takes awhile for Buffy to say anything. Willow can see her face working.

" Will, how do you know?" Buffy finally blurts it out.

" Know what?" Willow is puzzled.

" How do you know if you're gay?"

-4-

Faith steps out of her shower, drying off. Moving to the mirror, she combs out her hair, and gives herself a check.

" Well, Faith, gotta admit, that's gotta be the shortest 'friendship' on record. Even for you honey, it's pretty damned fast," Faith shakes her head.

What bothers her most is that she can't figure out why Buffy is acting like she's acting. _Acting crazy, that's how she's acting. What the hell is she pulling here? Back and forth, in and out… ok, even I know that sounds wrong, but she's all over the place. What is her problem? I can't be making myself crazy trying to figure out why SHE'S crazy. God, what I'd give to know what the hell is going on under that blond skull of hers. I don't get her. I don't get the lot of them, but especially her. Aw shit, what the hell am I doing here, anyway? I'm outta here in a week. Why'm I making myself crazy? Best thing is just getting through it, avoid her and then after a week, no more slayer, no more scoobies, no more of this crap. None. Zero zip nada._

Letting the towel drop where she stands, Faith walks over to dress. _Well, one nice thing about Robin not being here. If he were, he'd have a fit about that towel. Love the guy, he's a sweetie and boy, sweet in bed. But he makes me crazy with this neatness stuff of his. Guess I shoulda seen that coming with the way he dresses… every little bit's gotta be just so. Oh man, gonna have to break him of that real fast. So not becoming Martha Stewart for the guy._ Faith dresses quickly, to good effect. It's almost classic Faith: leather pants, bustier top, vest over it, and boots. She walks over to the mirror, and checks herself out. _Not too bad. Oughta turn a head or two. Go out, have a little fun, drink a little, dance a little… not cheating. Not like we're married or nothing. Hey, he's probably out in New York with some chickie, having a high old time…and I say, more to him. When we start living together for reals, we can work out the ' monogamy' thing. For now, I'm free and single, and hey, I'm liking it._

Walking over to the dresser, she applies her makeup. Unlike her old self, her colors these days are more muted, subtler… and highlight her best points._ Hey, they're all best points. Still got it, Faithy my girl, still knockin' em dead. You betcha!_ Walking over, she picks up her purse, and then opens a drawer, pulling out a stake and knife. She puts the knife in one boot, and the stake in a little leg sheath she has for it. _Girl's gotta be prepped. Never know what kinda bad you'll meet out there._

Walking to the door, she slings her purse over her shoulder. She opens the door just as Giles is bringing down his hand to knock. She grabs it, easing it away from her face, where it seemed it would land. _Well, aint this just my luck?_

" Giles… hey, what's up?" Faith says, maneuvering to make a quick exit.

" Faith, glad to catch you in. We need to talk." Giles, uninvited, enters her room.

" Well, come on in. Don't stand on ceremony, " Faith smirks. She stands leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed over her chest. " Actually though, I was just on my way out…" _Hint, hint._

" It's rather important, actually. Can't whatever you were going to do wait awhile?"

" Well, I was gonna patrol, Giles. I mean… slayer…world of vamps… doing my job, " Faith lies. " Maybe get a drink after…"

" Yes, well… I'm sure the vampires will be there later on. I really do need to talk to you, " Giles insists.

" Look, G, couldn't this like wait til tomorrow? I mean… it's not another apocalypse, is it?"

" Oh lord, no. However, trying to get a chance to speak with you has been, well, difficult, at best. What, with you spending all that time at the hospital with Buffy, then well… your personal life, it's been rather difficult to catch you."

Faith sighs to herself._ Swell, just what I need. A pep talk from my ex-watcher. Whatever. Lets just get this over with._ " Ok, Giles, whatever you want." Faith moves from the door, and walks to the bed. Sitting down, she starts to bounce on the mattress. " So, what's so earth shaking that we've gotta have this little tête-à-tête, huh?

" As you well know, Faith, things have been shaken up in the slayer community, so to speak. All the potentials in all the world have become slayers. This rather presents a problem for the council…"

" Ummm… Giles, as I remember you telling us… there is no ' council ' anymore. Caleb and his merry band of bringers managed to blow the place up. So, what's this about the council and slayers, anyway?"

" Well, that's the rub, Faith. There is no council… currently, but I need to bring it back together. That'll hardly leave time for me to do what needs to be done about the slayer situation."

" Giles, just a thought here, but why?" Faith gives him a look, " I mean, from my experience, the council? Just a bunch of stuffy old farts sitting around, making up rules to make life for the slayers impossible. Ummm… no offense."

" None taken," Giles smiles slightly, very slightly." Still, can you think of a better solution? Frankly, we're in a bit of a bind with what Willow and Buffy have done. There are all these… what? Untrained slayers worldwide, and no one to explain their heritage, recruit and train them. Frankly, we need a Watcher's council, if for nothing more than to try to keep track of all the slayers. And I hope, " Giles says quietly, " to institute some reforms, to make life for the slayers a bit easier."

" Oh sure. Cuz, I mean, I've always known the council to make my life easier. Wait, no… actually, they've tried to kill me a couple of times."

" You were a rogue slayer, Faith, killing people and causing general mayhem. What did you expect them to do? Give you a medal?"

" Nooo, " Faith mocks, " But I did expect at least my watcher to stick up for me, not try to turn me over to the goon squad for execution."

" Wesley doesn't and hasn't worked for the council for years, Faith!"

" I know that, Giles. Wes is working for Angel. I wasn't talking about him, " Faith looks pointedly at Giles.

" You know very well I'd been fired from the Council, Faith. There was nothing I could do…"

" Crap, and double crap Giles. You know very well, If it'd been B in that position, you would've moved heaven and earth to protect her." Faith gets up from the bed, and walks to the door, looking out. " Or at the very least, you believed her over me."

" I was rather justified in that view, I think, considering."

" Maybe so, but damn if you didn't just let me twist like the rest of them. All the crap that happened after, mighta been avoided if you'd just stuck by me, Giles. God, I was a kid, then. I needed someone to believe in me, too!"

" I know, Faith. I made mistakes, I can't deny it, " Giles walks to her, " but that's in the past. Don't you think we can try to start again? I really need an experienced…"

" What is it with you guys? All you scoobies, all the fucking same, " Faith turns to him, her face angry, her voice bitter. " Now you all wanna make nice… but frankly? I'm thinking we're past that point. So, I'm gonna tell you what I told Buffy. Maybe  
it's like pounding a square peg in a round hole, Giles. Maybe it just won't fit. Maybe it was never meant to fit. Shit, I probably never shoulda even been a slayer, except for B, then that Jamaican chick dying."

" Kendra."

" Yeah, whatever. Thing is, Giles, it's past too late to pick up the pieces, ya know? I'm outta here in a week with Robin. We're goin' to New York. See if we can make whatever it is we got work. Even if we don't, I'm kinda droppin' out of this life. Not interested in my " Destiny" , my " Calling" or whatever crap you throw at me. I plan on living a normal life , or as normal a life as I can get, not doin' the vamp thing. Tired of it, all of it. Done my ' Save the World' bit, time to move on."

" Faith, I need you. Please, reconsider."

" Like hell you need me, Giles," Faith shakes her head, " You've got all those new slayers. You've got Willow, you've got Buffy…"

" I'm going to recruit whoever I can. I won't deny that, Faith. But you're… you're a breed apart. Like Buffy. You're rare, because you're a natural leader."

" Oh, please. Giles. We've done this. Don't do the rah-rah bit. I did what I had to do. But that's done now, and so am I."

"Faith, please. Before you shut the door, at least hear me out. There's more, a lot more."

" What's the point, Giles? I'm just going to say no."

" Please, Faith?"

" Fine, ok, " Faith walks back towards Giles. This time however, she remains standing. " Do your worst."

" You and Buffy are key to making what I envision for the new world… and it's definitely a new world now… of slayers. You and she, beside myself, are the only ' field tested' troops left in the council. All the others died in the holocaust. There are some retired Council members I can probably persuade to come back, to help out, but frankly, they're worse than Quentin Travers in their views. I need you and Buffy on the council, to help me push through the reforms I'm planning."

" Reforms?" Faith looks at him warily, " like what?"

" Like, bringing the council kicking and screaming into the current Millennium. For instance, giving the slayers a significant voice in the decision making process; making their voice heard. Also, setting up a stipend to support the slayers. I'm not saying it'll make them rich, but at least it'll cover basic living expenses, so they don't have to work at crappy little jobs to support themselves in poverty while fighting evil."

"What else?"

" Well, frankly, with all the potentials being slayers, we can't do it in the old style. We simply are not going to have the one watcher/ one slayer dynamic anymore. There simply aren't enough watchers."

"Wait a sec. I had a watcher long before I was a slayer, Giles. How did that happen, if you couldn't cover the potentials along with the slayers?"

" We chose what we considered the most likely candidates for being the next slayer, and they all got watchers. You happened to be deemed very likely to become a slayer. That's how that happened. But the others, the less likely? Never got a watcher. It's different now. ALL of them are slayers, and all need to be trained."

" Yeah, ok. But how're you gonna do that?" Faith, despite herself, was beginning to be interested.

" Well, I see a series of schools. Worldwide. Kind of like boarding schools, I suppose, but exclusively for Slayers. They'll be trained in groups in these academies, by people trained by those who have the experience to train them. Then there has to be those who can travel from academy to academy, to check on the training, revise it as necessary, and to recommend changes at the central training academy. "

Faith nods her head, " Sounds good, Giles."

" I've got some people I can tap to train watchers, but there are few, very few, capable of training the physical trainers. And even more rare, are the traveling overseers. Got any ideas who might fit the bill?" Giles looks at her.

" No, I told you, Giles, I'm out of it. You've got the girls from Sunnydale we trained. They can pass the training along. You don't need me."

" Faith, what do I need to do to convince you how important, how valuable you are to us? To me? I need everyone I can get to help out. I don't often beg, Faith. But I'm pleading with you. Please, please, don't turn your back on this."

" I'm sorry, Giles. I really am. But I've done my time, I've paid my dues, " Faith looks out the door, " I've got to move on now. I just can't do this. I just can't."

Giles is silent for awhile. The look of disappointment is plain on his face. Finally, he sighs, and moves towards the door.

" I guess I couldn't expect anything more, considering. I'm sorry, Faith. I really am. For everything that was done to you." He starts to walk out, then turns back. He hands a card to Faith.

" That has my number on it, where I can be reached, anytime, day or night. If you ever change your mind, call me…"

" I won't, Giles. I'm sorry, " Faith says.

" I'm sorry, too. I really believe you could make a difference. Goodnight, Faith" Giles turns, and walks out the door.

Faith watches him leave, then walks over and closes the door behind him. She leans against the door, and her fist comes up, hitting it again and again.

" Dammit…. Dammit… don't they get it? Just leave me alone!"

Faith, angry , throws herself on the bed. She no longer feels like going out. She no longer feels like anything.

Except curling up and crawling under the blanket

And hiding.

- 5 –

Willow stands staring at Buffy, stunned and nonplussed .

" I'm sorry. I don't understand, Buffy. What're you talking about?"

" Thought I was pretty clear there, Will. How do you know if you're gay?"

" No, you're not getting it, Buffy. I understand the question, " Willow gives her a sidelong glance, " I just don't get why you're asking it."

Buffy looks at her, then looks down. Then a flush appears creeping up from her neck to her cheeks, to her ears and hairline.

It's then when it all comes together for Willow. The ton of bricks fall on her, the shutters drop from her eyes, the light shines in on her brain… epiphany happens.

_Oh, my goddess!_

" You? and Faith?" Willow says so softly she's almost whispering. " You… and Faith?"

" NO!…er… yes? No, … yeah, I think…oh god, I don't know, Will! I'm so fucking confused…" Buffy cries, hunching over away from Willow, trying to hide. " I know I've got these crazy feelings about her. I think about her all the time. I … oh god, you wonder why I wore this thing? I was hoping SHE'D notice… crap, I'm lost here, Willow. I don't have a clue to what I'm doing…" The tears start to roll down Buffy's cheeks.

" Buffy…" Willow moves over, encircling Buffy in her arms. " Don't honey, it's ok… it's ok…"

" No, it's really NOT ok, Will. The one thing I do know? She really… REALLY… doesn't share my feelings. Not in the least. Crap… I promised I wouldn't do this." Buffy wipes her tears. " I'm ok, I really am, Will." But she doesn't look ok, or sound ok. She sounds lost, and hurt. Very hurt. She leaned into Willow, and just let the tears flow down her cheeks.

Willow sat with her friend in her arms, feeling completely clueless. She wouldn't have guessed in a million years the way Buffy felt about Faith. Not a clue had Buffy dropped; there had never been a sign of anything but mild competitive hostility with a thin layer of civility keeping them from tearing each other apart. From what she could gather between the tears, Buffy had felt something for Faith for a long, very long time. Almost from first meeting her. Willow can't imagine what it cost Buffy emotionally. Thinking on their relationship, how Faith had betrayed her, how Buffy had stabbed Faith, Faith in a coma, the whole body switch thing, the time Faith spent in prison… and then came back and fought at her side against the First._ Goddess, no wonder she acted weird when Faith showed up. No wonder she seemed to even get more wonky. It must've been torture to see her there, be so close and …_ Willow shakes her head. Willow also wants to give herself a kick for making it worse for her best friend. _I didn't know! How could I know? Buffy never mentioned it. God, I'm her best friend. Why didn't I suss it out? I know Buffy better than anyone; I should've figured it out by her extreme reaction to Faith's going over to the Mayor's side. How she just… this is pointless. I didn't see it, and I just added fuel to the fire of Buffy's insanity bringing Faith into the mix. This is all just so crazy!_ Willow sighs, rocking her miserable friend in her arms. _Of course, when isn't love just a little crazy?_

Of course, Willow might be excused a little for not seeing Buffy's distress, because when it came to the blond slayer, Willow had a major blind spot. If she were truthful with herself, she would admit that some of her feelings for Buffy went way beyond the platonic friendship they shared. It's hard not to have enhanced feelings for someone you've risked your life with over the course of many years. Never mind the secrets and dreams they shared, the time they spent together, and the fact they just really, really liked each other. They were comfortable with each other, and overlooked each others little faults and foibles. And both had to admit that their relationship had lasted the longest, was the deepest either had ever had. Willow knows in her heart that more than once she wished that they had taken that tiny step and made their relationship more than friends. But the timing had never been right, and then there was the whole 'Gay' thing. Willow accepted that she was gay; she had no problem with the idea of loving women. But she remembers all too well Buffy's reaction to her being gay. _Goddess, she nearly had a major wiggins when I told her about Tara. She was so nervous, I thought she was going to bolt and run right there. If I'd ever… well, come on to her, she would've bolted. How could I guess that she had her own … gay fantasy going? Maybe she didn't even really admit it to herself. Cripes, love is so confusing, so hard. Why can't it just be easy? Why does it have to hurt so much?_

Buffy starts to get control of herself, moving slightly away from Willow's encircling arms. She's beginning to feel embarrassed having lost it like that. _God, I'm such a baby!_ She blushes a little.

" Sorry, Will. I'm just being stupid, like usual." Buffy half grins at her best friend. " Getting all weepy over Faith, of all things."

" No, Buffy, that wasn't at all stupid, " Willow says, " but I'm thinking you're starting to be stupid now."

" What?" Buffy frowns.

" Buffy, you've just admitted that you've had these feelings… love, lust , gosh I don't know… for a long time. A LONG, LONG time. Now you're just trying to take it back, say 'just kidding' and bury them deep again. That's not right, and it's not smart!" _Gee, Will, hypocrite much?_ " It's not fair to you, Buffy, to deny what you're feeling. And it certainly isn't fair to Faith."

" Again, I say… what?" Buffy looks at her friend like she's lost her mind. " Not fair to Faith? Where did that come from?"

" Buffy, did you even talk to Faith about how you feel?"

" Are you crazy, Will? Have you even been listening?" Buffy moves over and checks Willow's ears. Willow moves off, a little wigged. " Do we need to get eardrops to clean out the wax, Willow? God, she doesn't even want to be my friend!"

" Buffy, Faith is not stupid, ya know. She probably senses the vibe coming off you, but can't figure it out. It's probably wigging her a little, and she's wary. Given your history, can you blame her?"

" Right. Vibe. Right." Buffy says, " and you're right, Faith's not an idiot. I mean, it's pretty certain there's only one idiot here, and that's me, right?"

" Buffy, what're you talking about?" Willow's flustered.

" Oh, c'mon, Will. You're the smart one here, the one with all the brainpower wattage going on. Did you really think that little remark wouldn't get back to me?"

" Remark? What're you talking about?" Willow's confused and flustered now.

" ' You know Buffy. Sweet girl, not too bright.' " Buffy arches a brow.

Willow flushes brick red. _Oh, I'm so gonna kill Kenny for that! How could she?_ Willow feels her irritation rising.

" Well, you know what, Buffy Summers? If you let Faith go, without telling her how you feel? Then yeah, you're a sweet girl, but definitely not too bright!"

The two women glare at each other, each spitting mad. They continue to glare at each other, but something happens. Maybe it's the fact they've been together so long, love each other so much, and just know each other too well. but the frowns start to waver, as each desperately tries not to be the first to laugh. Finally, Buffy just can't hold it anymore , and a giggle escapes, followed by another. Willow tries to resist. _I'm so darned mad at you Buffy! _But she can't. She giggles, and then they both giggle.

" God, look at us, Will. We're like an old married couple, fighting like this" Buffy laughs, leaning against her friend.

" GRRRR. Buffy, sometimes you just make me so mad!" Willow exclaims, " but then you're just so damned cute, I can't stay mad at you. Do you have ANY idea how frustrating that is?" Willow is laughing now too, and she leans against Buffy. They both sort of fall on the bed, lying next to each other, shoulders touching. It becomes a minor giggle-fest as the two release tension through laughter. It finally becomes quiet as the two just lay there, comfortable together, staring at the ceiling.

Willow feels Buffy's hand slip into hers.

" God, Will, what would I do without you?"

" Well, you better never try to find out, let me tell you, mister!" Willow exclaims, squeezing Buffy's hand.

They both laugh.

They lay there for awhile, just enjoying each other's company. Then Buffy gets up and leans on her elbow, looking down at Willow. Her face is serious.

" Will, I gotta ask you something, and you gotta promise to not like get all weirded out, ok?"

" Sure, Buffy, " Willow senses Buffy's mood, " I promise. Ask away."

" Ok, here goes, " Buffy seems to want to stall, but knows she can't. " How come … well… ok, how come you and I… how come we never got together?"

Willow feels like a nuclear bomb has just gone off in her heart. She stares at Buffy. _Oh, great, Buffy. Just great! NOW you ask that question. Geeze, and you next to me, so damned close, nearly naked in that too damned sexy to be legal swimsuit. Goddess, do you have ANY idea how much I'd like to take you in my arms and kiss you till your lips turn purple? Or how I'd like to ravish you til you screamed? Geeze, Buffy, just pour some more salt on that wound, I don't think it hurts enough!_

" I dunno, Buff, " Willow says instead, looking away because she knows she can't lie to Buffy if she looks at her. " Never really thought about it, I guess." _Willow Rosenberg! You know where you go for lying, don't you?_

" Really? Huh, " Buffy says, doing a little covering of her own, " I never thought about it either, I guess." _Buffy Summers! You're such a liar! Liar, liar, panties on fire!_

" Anyway, Buffy, we've got a great friendship, you know?" Willow goes on, " why screw it up by getting all…well, you know!"

" Yeah, you're right. You're the smart one. Why mess up what we got by messing around, right?"

" Right. You better believe it, Buffy!"

" Right!"

Buffy squeezes Willow's hand.

" You know I love you, don't you Willow?"

" Of course! I love you too, Buffy!" She smiles up at Buffy.

Buffy lays back down, still holding Willow's hand. They both just lie there quietly, thinking.

_Damn!_

_Damn!_

-6-

Buffy eases herself off the bed, being as quiet as possible. She doesn't want to wake Willow. She knows Willow will have a Guernsey if she catches her.

She takes a moment to watch Willow sleep. Willow is tossing a little in her sleep. Buffy frowns a little._ Hope she's not having nightmares again. Poor baby. She's still so hard on herself about last year._ Buffy leans over, and gives her a small kiss on the forehead. _C'mon, big brain. Go to sleep. Let her have some peace, huh? Quiet down!_ Smiling, she goes to the closet, and pulls out some clothing. She looks over, and Willow's still snoozing away. Tiptoeing, she goes into the bathroom.

_I wish my own brain would shut up! _Buffy thinks to herself as she dresses. _God, I made such a holy mess of today. How could I be so stupid, anyway? And, geeze, Faith. Remember how you told me to lighten up a little? God, you're awfully cranky these days!_ Finishing dressing, Buffy checks herself out in the mirror. _Not too bad, but got major bed hair. God! _She quickly brushes her hair, pulling it back in a ponytail. She gives herself another look, with the critical eye._ Oh well, not going to a party anyway. _

She carefully opens the door, nearly having a stroke when the hinges give out a small squeak. She freezes, and opens it more slowly. Finally, she peers out. Willow is still on the bed, apparently sleeping. She quietly sidles to the door, keeping an eye on the bed not to disturb Willow. She reaches for the doorknob, ready to make her escape into the hall.

" Buffy?" Willow's voice is heard from the bed.

_Crap! Crap and double crap! _Buffy is sure she's busted, when she sees Willow stretch a little in the bed and roll over. _Damn, she's talking in her sleep. Give me a heart attack, why don't ya, Will?_

" Mmmm… Buffy" Willow seems to giggle. " Don't!"

_What the hell is she dreaming, anyway?_ For a moment, Buffy is tempted to go over and listen in, but decides that if Willow DOES wake up, and sees her fully dressed, she's going to catch hell. Instead, she quietly slips out the door.

On the street, Buffy just picks a direction, and starts walking. She's not really planning on going anywhere, particularly. She just needs to walk and think.

_Well, Buff. It's fourth down and 10. Do you run with it, or punt? Oh god. Football metaphors, never good! But you really gotta think of somethin', fast. Faith is outta here in less than a week, and you've managed not only to NOT get her friendship, but drive her further away. What the hell were you thinking, anyway? That she'd love you for stealing her book and ruining it? Never mind hitting her with it. Oh for goodness sakes, FOCUS, Buffy. It's got squat to do with the book. You've been a pest, get it? Been in her face with the friend thing. God, no wonder she's running like hell. How the hell is she supposed to deal with Manic Buffy? But what choice have I got? I mean, she's gonna leave in a week! Going to New York! Look a wee bit weird if I just ' happen' to pop up in New York. God, she'll think I'm stalking her. Oh, that'd go over real well!_

Buffy stops for a moment. She turns her head, looking around. She doesn't see anything, so she continues walking.

_Ok, Buffy. Now you're getting paranoid, too. This just blows, you know? What am I gonna do? Subtle? Not working. Making things worse, even. Faith is pretty much convinced I'm a nut job, if I read her attitude right. Maybe I need to be more direct in my approach…_

Buffy stops again. _Damn, I swear I heard something!_ She looks around, then takes a couple of steps forward. Nothing. She shakes her head. _Maybe Faith's right. Maybe I'm losing it._ She starts off again.

_Yeah, that's it. I gotta be more direct about it. No more time to screw around her. Maybe I should do what Willow said. Just go up to her and…_

_Ok, now that time, I know I heard something…_ She stops and whirls around… nothing behind her. _Crap! What the heck? God, I'm what? 23 years old, and I'm already losing my mind. This sucks!_

_Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, telling Faith. Sure. I'll just go up to her and say, " hey, Faith. I know you didn't want to be friends. How do you feel about being lovers?" __Right. That'll work. Sure it will. And what if Faith … well, I mean, she's all experienced, she must've tried it… but, I don't really know. Never seen her really interested in another woman. Well, she was in prison for that time… maybe there? Oh, God, I can't believe I just thought that one. Sounds like every cheesy ' Women behind bars' flick they ever made. Get real. What if she is freaked by the idea? Or… she's tried it, and hates it? Oh man…_

" Ok, I've had enough!"

Buffy stops in her tracks, pulls her stake and whirls around, ready to plunge it into the figure behind her. A strong hand stops her arm mid stroke.

" Heya, B. What's up?" Faith smirks at her, holding her arm in place. " Good to see you too!"

" Faith? What the hell? Why were you sneaking around behind me, anyway? God, I nearly staked you!"

" Gimme a break, B? You're 'bout as fast as molasses. Never mind you've been wandering around on your own little cloud for the last 20 minutes or so. I was out front, smoking a cig when you come strollin' by, all wrapped up in your own little head. Anyway, figured I'd just follow along, see how long it'd take you to catch on. Tellin' ya ,B. I coulda been six muggers or whatever. Kinda sloppy not payin' attention, ya know? You coulda gotten whacked."

" Yeah, well. I guess I wasn't expecting to be stalked, ya know?"

" Stalking? Me. Gimme a break, B. "

" Let's see. Following behind me for 20 minutes, all sneaky like. What would you call it?"

"Well, aren't we lil Ms. Snarky, then? Fine, whatever.. seeya!" Faith start to walk off.

Buffy runs up ahead of her, blocking her way. " Hey, what do you expect?" She says trotting backwards as Faith continues walking. " I mean, didn't you tell me just a couple of hours ago that you didn't want to be my friend?"

" What the heck are you talking about, B?" Faith shakes her head. " I'm thinking you should go back . I think you're still feverish or somethin'."

" I so am not! I was there, Faith You said that you didn't think we were meant to be friends. Don't you go and deny it!"

" Not denying it, B. But listen carefully, ok? I said maybe we weren't _meant_ to be friends. That's a world different than _wanting_ to be friends, you know? Geeze, guess those ESL classes not working out for you huh?"

Buffy, still trotting backwards, says, " I'm confused,"

" That's new?"

" Geeze, thanks Faith. Do you or don't you wanna be friends?"

Buffy, not seeing the rise in the sidewalk, trips over it, and starts to fall.

" Ah…ah … ah… holy crap!" Buffy cries out, startled.

Before she can even think, Faith catches Buffy. For a second they freeze in that tableau: Faith leaning over, holding Buffy in her arms. Buffy lying in her arms, looking up into the face of the woman who makes her… she feels a little dizzy. She feels her heart thumping hard in her chest

Faith for her part, feels the tension, and it wigs her just a little bit. Wigs, and excites her. And that wigs her more. She hauls Buffy up.

" Hey, you ok?" Faith asks Buffy.

Buffy is still standing there, feeling all sorts of things she can't sort out.

" Yeah," She says, a little breathless. She leans on Faith.

Faith starts to laugh a little nervously

Buffy pushes her away.

"What the heck is so funny?" Buffy complains, wiping herself off.

" You're funny, klutzo, " Faith teases her, covering her own nervousness, " God, do you know how to walk right? Geeze, B. I'd think you'd have gotten that one by now!"

" Not funny," Buffy complains, turning away. Her foot twists, and she looks down. " Oh crap, " She whines, looking at the bottom of her boot. " I broke the heel." Her lip starts to quiver. She makes an angry noise and starts to stagger away

" Oh, so your all pissed off now, B? That it?" Faith watches her limp away, " gonna go home and cry to Willow or something?"

" Screw you, Faith," Buffy yells over her shoulder, still hobbling.

" Oh, scared now. Whatcha gonna do, Buffy? Come over and cry on me?" Faith taunts her," shakin' here, B. " Faith laughs again, " god, you're acting just like a girl."

Buffy stops. She turns around. Her expression is angry, her cheeks red. Her mouth is in a severe frown.

" Yeah, I'm a _girl_, F. If you haven't noticed, stupid, so are you! " She advances a step on Faith, who takes a step back. " Oh, all of a sudden, I'm not so funny anymore? Yeah, well, get this. I'm a girl, and I cry when I'm hurt. Trust me, not because I break a heel and twist my ankle on the pavement." She stops, waving her arms around in frustration," what's it gonna take with you? I'm doing every goddamn thing I know to try to be your friend, and you keep rejecting me. Well, fine for you, Faith. Good for you. You hurt me. Happy now?"

" Oh for Christ's sake, B. Get a sense of humor. God, it was only a joke. Shit!"

" My feelings are funny to you? My pain makes you laugh? God, you're a piece of work!"

" Oh, grow up, B. Get real. You're not Ms. Sunnydale anymore, ya know. It's gone. You're not Ms. Pom Pom Cheerleader everybody loves you girl anymore. You're just like the rest of us, get used to it, Ok?. Got it? Not everybody's gonna love you and fawn over you anymore, B. World's harsh, get used to it. Better toughen up, girlfriend, or it'll eat ya up."

" Tough, huh?" Buffy's voice is low and dangerous. " You want tough?"

Before Faith can react, Buffy is on her. She pushes Faith against the wall, and then plants a hard kiss on her lips. She breaks the kiss, then shoves Faith down.

" Tough that one, Faith," Buffy says.

She turns on her heel, and wobbling a little, leaves.

Faith stares after her, wiping her lips on her arm.

-7-

" You did _WHAT_?"

Willow is staring at Buffy, wide eyed.

" You heard me, Will. I slammed her against a wall, kissed her then shoved her down. Then I walked away."

" Well, what did she do?"

" Nothing. I didn't wait for her to do anything. And," Buffy blushes, " been kinda hiding out all day from her."

" From everybody. Damn, I came by your door a dozen times, and you told me to go away."

" Yeah, well… not exactly my proudest moment, you know." Buffy turns to Willow. " So, have you seen her around?"

" Today?"

" No, tomorrow Will. Yes, today."

" Saw her this morning, Ms. Grouchy!" Willow frowns a little.

" Sorry, I'm sorry. I've just been on edge all day. So, how was she?"

" Well, she seemed…" Willow stops. " You know what? I shouldn't tell you. I should make you go find out for yourself!"

" C'mon, Will. Please?"

Willow sighs, " She seemed normal enough. She didn't say anything, and didn't act any different. Of course, maybe since I wasn't you, she wasn't going to waste any of her anger on me."

" Thanks, Will," Buffy says sarcastically, " I feel tons better now!"

" Well, good. If you wanna know how she's feelin' about you, you're gonna have to find out yourself."

" So, you're not gonna help me then?" Buffy's face falls.

" Buffy, your plan is totally insane! It can't work, and it's just going to pee her off more."

" C'mon, Will. Give me a little credit. You know I can be all nice and sweet and kitteny when I want to be. I telling you, it's gonna work."

" Buffy, I told you. You gotta talk to her, tell her how you feel. What you wanna do? It's got wacky scheme written all over it."

" Faith isn't talk and share girl, and you know it. She's actions girl. I gotta do something that'll really catch her attention."

" Oh, this'll do that, for sure, _Lucy!_" Willow shakes her head.

" Aw, please, please, please, _Ethel,_ pretty please?" Buffy goes into full charm mode. She kneels in front of Willow, and wraps her arms around her legs. She lays her head on her thighs." Please, please, please?" She looks up at Willow with her big eyes.

" I'm gonna regret this. I'm so gonna regret this, I know it. But … ok, Buffy, I'll help you, " Willow says, not immune to Buffy when she's in mega charm mode.

" You're the best, Will!" Buffy jumps to her feet, and hugs Willow tightly, " I love you bunches!"

"Why now, Buffy?" Willow says, still uncertain," I really don't think you've thought this through. What's the hurry, anyway?"

" Cuz I told you, Will. Robin's gonna be back tomorrow. I won't get another chance. It's tonight or nothing!"

" You're crazy Buffy. This won't change a thing, you know, " Willow moves away, " I just so don't like this."

" You promised, Will. Don't go Foster Farms on me now!"

" I said I'll do it Buffy," Willow still looks uncertain.

" Don't worry, Will. Mostly, you're just gonna be doing lookout duty. I'll do most of the stuff in the room. I'll just need some help after I get set. Don't want to move around a lot."

" She's going to think you're insane, Buffy."

"No, she's gonna know I'm serious. And trust me, once I get past that, I'm gonna make sure she likes having me in her room." Buffy giggles.

Buffy walks to the door, and looks out. She turns to Willow.

" Ok, she's not in the hallway. She's probably in her room. Do you remember what to do?"

" Yes, Buffy. I'm not Cletus, the slack jawed yokel."

" Tell me."

Willow looks impatient." I go to her room, and slip the note under her door. I wait and make sure she leaves, then I come get you. Doesn't take rocket science here, Buffy."

" Ok, good," Buffy says. She waits for a few moments. " Well… now would be good?" She looks at Willow expectantly.

Willow sighs, rolling her eyes. At any moment, she expects to hear Ricky Ricardo yell out " Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do!"

She looks out the door, and sees the hallway is clear. She hurries down to Faith's door, and slips the note under it. Running back to the stairs, she goes down a few stairs, just enough to be out of sight. She faces up.

She hears a door open and close, and Faith appears at the top of the stairs. Willow pretends she's coming upstairs, and passes Faith going down,

" Going out, Faith?" Willow asks, innocently.

" Yeah. Be back later." Faith says as she hurries downstairs.

Willow smiles. _Hook, line and sinker!_ She watches Faith as she goes out the front door, then turns and hurries to Buffy's room.

" Ok, she's gone!"

-8-

Later, in Faith's room.

Buffy looks around the room, and smiles. She's placed dozens of candles around the room, making it all soft and romantic. She's also spread rose petals from the door to the bed, and then covered the bed with petals. Laying in the center of the petals is Buffy herself, nude except for a few strategically placed petals.

She's been laying there for awhile, waiting for Faith to return. She can't wait to see the look on Faith's face when she comes in the room. _Of course, she'll probably be a little grouchy because of the trick, but I'll take care of that. Soon as she comes through that door, I'm gonna be on her like white on rice. Gonna be so sweet and sexy and loving, god, the poor girl won't have a chance!_ Buffy chuckles softly to herself._ God, I hope she gets here soon. Getting a little chilly lying here naked and all. Patience, Buffy. All good things and stuff._

Buffy wiggles around a little, and settles in to wait. _I know once she realizes how I feel… she'll… I just know she'll realize the same thing. Had all day to think about it, and I finally figured it out. She feels the same way I do, she's just afraid to let me know. She's afraid I'd be wigged out. So, she's acting all cool and distant, cuz she doesn't want to get hurt. Can't blame her, I guess. But, she'll know now that I'm not gonna wig, and that I'm so totally serious about her. It's gonna be sooo sweet._ Buffy frowns a little. _I hope Robin doesn't get too upset when we tell him about it. I like the guy. He's a sweetheart. But, as they say, alls fair in love and war… Where is she? I mean, how long can it take to get there and back? I've been here for hours!_

Buffy yawns, and shifts around a little. _Gotta stay awake! Nothing less sexy than a drooling girl in your bed. What is taking so long, anyway? Sooo sleepy. _Buffy starts to snuggle down. _C'mon, Faith. you're honey's home, and she's gonna show you a good time! What's holding her up? I hope she gets here soon. So, so sleepy!_ Buffy yawns again. _Hmmm… think I'll just close my eyes for a second…_

" I still don't get how you knew I was going to come in tonight instead of tomorrow, " Robin Woods, carrying a couple of suitcases, comes up the stairs. Faith, carrying a suitcase and his carryon, is right behind him,

" I told you, Robin. Someone slipped a note under my door, saying you called, and that you caught an early flight. It had your ETA and flight number on it."

" Yeah, I saw that. It was all wrong."

" Well, duh, I know that now. But I just thought then that your flight maybe got delayed, so I hung around for an hour or two, hopin' you'd show. And you did!" Faith grins.

" Well, that's the really weird part. I got the ticket at the last second. I didn't have time to call you. I was going to surprise you."

By this time, they've reached Faith's door. They stand for a second, looking at each other.

" So, ummm… gonna come in, sexy?" Faith smiles up at Robin, giving him her best 'come hither' look. She drops his cases by her door.

" Maybe we should stow these in my room first, Faith." Robin starts to his room, but Faith stops him.

" Aw, c'mon tiger. Live a little." She takes the cases out of his hands, and drops them by the door. " Been too long without some sugar, sugar" She reaches up, and wraps her arms around Robin's neck. She smiles at him, and pulls his head down for a kiss. The kiss is warm and lasts for awhile.

" I really should put those away, " Robin says, a little out of breath. He's really not thinking of the suitcases right now. Or anything except Faith's soft lips.

" Shhh, " Faith puts her finger up to his lips, " don't even. We'll just stow 'em in my room for now." She starts to kiss him again.

The kiss is longer, and grows increasingly passionate. Faith hoists herself up on Robin's hips, and wraps her legs around his waist. She starts to rub herself against him, and he responds encouragingly. She nibbles on his ear, and whispers softly, " take me inside and make me happy, baby". Her hands are already starting to work on his buttons.

Robin, a little heated and flustered from the attention, maneuvers her around, trying to reach the door. But instead, they bump against it, and both chuckle softly.

Buffy, inside the room, hears the bump against the door and the giggles. She's still half asleep, and somewhat disoriented. She's not exactly sure where she is. _What the heck? Who's that?_ She looks around the room. _Huh?_ Her mind slowly comes out of sleep, and she remembers she's in Faith's room. _God, at last, she's here!_

Robin finally gets the door open, and the light from the hallway spills into the room.

" Wow, Faith. You really went all out!" He says, looking at the room. All the candles, and rose petals on the floor, and everything. Faith blocks his view of the bed, so he doesn't see Buffy laying there.

" Huh?" Faith, looking at him, not seeing behind her, doesn't know what he's talking about. She moves around in his arms, and looks around. "What's going on? I didn't do this!"

Buffy, hearing Robin's voice, seeing Faith hoisted up on his hips, realizes that something has gone terribly wrong. _Oh god! _Hoping against hope to somehow get out of here unnoticed, she slides herself over off the edge of the bed, but miscalculates and winds up landing hard on her butt.

" Ooofff!" She wheezes out.

It's at that moment that Robin and Faith realize they aren't alone in the room.

" Who… what's going on?" Robin calls out, reaching the light switch and turning on the lights.

They both see one very blond, very embarrassed, very naked girl crawling along the floor.

" Buffy?" Faith says, flabbergasted. She starts to slide off Robin's hips.

" Buffy?" Robin looks at Faith, then at Buffy, and then back at Faith. "Buffy?"

" Oh … crap" Buffy groans, and seeing her plans going to hell, grabs the bedspread. Covering herself best she can, bulls through the couple, fleeing out the door and down the hall to her room.

Robin looks at Faith, puzzled.

" What's Buffy doing in your room, naked?" He cocks his head to the side. " Is something going on between you and …?"

" What? No!" Faith, confused , shrugs . " I don't have a clue why she was here… " her expression hardens, " but I'm sure gonna find out!"

" Faith? Wait!' Robin puts a restraining arm on hers. " Let it go. I don't know , but she looked pretty embarrassed. We can find out what's going on in the morning."

" No way. I've been putting up with her antics since you've been gone. I'm tired of it, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it, right now" She shakes off Robin's arm, and starts for the door.

" Faith, it's not a big deal. Just let it go, ok?" He tries to calm her down.

But Faith isn't to be placated. She storms out of the room, and down the hall towards Buffy's room. As soon as she reaches the door, she starts pounding on it.

" Open up, Buffy. We gotta talk, now!"

" Go 'way, Faith. just go back to your room," Buffy's voice, muffled, comes through the door." Your spreads out in the hall. Just take it, and go back to your own room!"

" No way, Buffy. I'm tired of this crap. Open the door now, or I'm gonna bust it down!"

"FAITH!"

Faith whirls around to see Willow staring at her from her doorway.

" You! I bet you're in on this. What the hells going on here? Tell Buffy to open the door, or I'm gonna …"

Willow marches out of her room, and right up to Faith.

"What? You're gonna do what? Break it down? That's mature, Faith! Just go back to your room, and leave her alone."

" No. this is the last straw. She's been acting crazy, and making life around here impossible. I wanna know what's going on. Whatever it is , I want her to stop it!"

Willow expression changes. Her lips draw tight, her eyes narrow, and her cheeks flush.

" God, you just don't get it, do you? I thought you were smarter, but you're pretty damned dense, aren't you?" She knocks gently on the door.

"What the hell are you babbling about now, Red?" Faith growls.

Willow turns to her. Her eyes have darkened. " Do I have to draw you a picture, Faith? Think about it. She's in your room, in your bed, naked. There are candles and rose petals every which way. What the hell do you thinks going on?"

Finally, finally the light switches on in Faith's head. She looks at Willow, her mouth open.

" You're shittin' me! Buffy? No… I don't believe it… move, Willow, I've got to talk to her" Faith has taken her tone down a couple of notches.

" Isn't she miserable enough? Isn't she embarrassed enough for you, Faith? Haven't you humiliated her enough?" Willow looks at her, and sighs." Go back to you're room, please."

She turns away and knocks on Buffy's door, calling out to be let in. " It's Willow, Buffy. Let me in."

" No… Willow, I didn't know… I've got to talk to her!" Faith pleads, moving closer.

" There's nothing you can do now, Faith. Except leave."

" Red, I swear, I didn't do anything to…"

" I know, Faith, I know, " Willow says softly, " but you, here, now? Not helping. Please, just go."

Faith turns, and walks down the hall. Her face is reflects the confusion going on inside her. In a million years, she never would've guess Buffy felt like that, about her. It took her totally by surprise, and she didn't have a clue what to think or do about it.

She reaches her door, and looks back, seeing Willow still knocking at Buffy's door, trying to get in. Robin comes to the doorway, putting an arm around her shoulders.

" Are you ok, Faith?" He asks, looking at her.

" Yeah, I guess," Faith says, still looking down the hall. She looks up at him, " I don't know. I really don't know."

She walks into the room, and the door shuts behind her.

* * *

To be continued. 


	3. Chapter 3

Huh?

Part III

Pairings: Primarily Buffy and Faith, but that doesn't preclude other stuff.

Summary: A story set post " Chosen ". Really rather defies summarization, but it's about the Chosen Two, Buffy and Faith. Do we ever really know someone else until we know ourselves?

Timeline/ Spoilers: Set post Season 7, so it will probably include references from the prior 7 seasons. Hope you've seen them by now( all out on DVD).

Rating: R

Legal stuff : You betcha. The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. I'm just borrowing them. Trust me, I'm not making anything on writing this.

Disclaimer: Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Not good for you…ok, well except maybe the last. Everything is fair game, so if something offends you, sorry. I'm not perfect, and I'm not PC. If you don't like the idea of women being in love with each other, this is NOT the story for you. Also, not the story for you if you're birth date is after 1986. Oh, and if you're heavily religious? This story probably won't appeal to you either. Ooops.

-1-

" YES!"

She screams it out as she feels the familiar tightening in her belly as the orgasm approaches. Her whole body is on fire, and her lover has been teasing her for what seems like hours. She needs release, and she needs it now.

Buffy's head tosses side to side on the pillow, her body covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Her eyes have a glazed look to them, and her face is flushed. She is ready, so ready to cum she can't hardly stand it. But her lover loves to torture her , bring her to the edge then back off. It's driving her wild.

" Do it, do it, oh GOD DO IT!" She screams, looking down between her legs at her lover's head.

She sees Faith look up, her lips and chin covered in Buffy's juices, her eyes bright and dancing in delight. Her lips are curled in a smirk, and she deliberately licks her lips, seeming to tease Buffy further. The sight seems to drive Buffy over the edge, and she feels the whole world explode about her, everything going white.

"FAAAAIITTTTTHHH!"

Buffy shoots upright in bed, covered in a cold sweat. The light from the morning is dim, it's a gray day outside. She feels herself shiver, and also feels another familiarly damp feeling between her legs. She's alone in the bed, except for the fragments of the dream she was having and the spreading wetness on the sheet beneath her.

Aw, Crap! Not again! Shit, shit, and crap! 

She knows she's had another one of _those_ dreams again, and it's just as embarrassing as when she had them as a teenager. Worse, because there was no hope to end them, and it just made her day start out crappy.

Disgusted with herself, she swings her feet out of bed, grabbing the sheet to throw over her. It's a chilly morning, and her shivering from the sweat and fluids is getting worse. _Hot shower should help that… then a cold one to cool off. Damn. Why is this happening to me? Why can't I just forget her?_

As she passes the French doors leading to the balcony on her second floor flat, she notices the day is gray and overcast. She expression is glum. _Paris in spring my ass! Seems like it's been overcast since I got here._

Buffy has been in Paris for a month. She's currently assigned to find slayers in France, recruiting them and arranging for them to be trained. Working with a Council supplied interpreter, since her French is limited to _baguette _and _haute couture_, it's been slow work. It seems every candidate in France is far flung in the countryside, and she's barely been in Paris, much less seen the sights. _And now, that flake of an interpreter has gone and quit, and I've got another one arriving this morning. Swell. I was just getting used to Michel's quirks. Wonder what the new one's gonna be like?_ She sighs, figuring it'll be another one of these snooty French guys with a bug up their butts about her not speaking _la belle français_. _Guess I should've paid more attention in French class in high school. Oh well. _

Noting the time on her little alarm clock, _which didn't go off, I might add, _she rushes to the bathroom. The new guy…girl? _Giles didn't say…_ is supposed to be here in less than an hour, and she's going to be no good at all unless she's cleaned up and has some coffee first. _Won't make a great first impression if I bite his or her head off cuz I'm caffeine deprived._ Entering the bathroom, she looks at the tub longingly. _God I wish I had time for a soak. I could reaaaalllly use it!_ But she lets the sheet fall, and reaching over, turns on the shower taps. Climbing in, she pulls the curtain around the tub, and lets the needle like water wash over her.

It's been eight months since the incident at the guest house in L.A., and Buffy has been in Europe for most of that time. She's been working on recruiting slayers for the council, giving her a good excuse to stay away from the U.S. Somehow, she didn't want to go home… not for a long time, not until the, as she calls it, Fiasco of Faith fades from everybody's mind. She's humiliated herself in the past, sure. But this was the worst. The days after, knowing Faith was still in the hotel, probably laughing at her, was torture deluxe. Buffy did her best to avoid her, turning around if she saw her, hiding in her room. The very few times Buffy did run into her, Faith just stared at her like she were a particularly unpleasant specie of bug. Buffy felt herself redden, and she would slink away like a whipped puppy. She counted the seconds until the time she could leave for Europe. She'd never been so anxious to start a job in her life!

She spent a couple months in Italy, primarily Rome, because she wanted to get Dawn settled into her new school. She made side trips to various countries to check out rumors of girls with ' extraordinary strength'. A lot were just rumors, some were just healthy farm girls, and a few, very few, yielded results.

Once she was sure Dawn was doing ok in the American University in Rome, she started moving from country to country, spending time following up leads about possible slayers. She spent time in Spain, in Germany, Switzerland and Belgium. Now she was in France, and so far, she wasn't overly impressed. _Sure, lots and lots of history, and beautiful sights, but this is supposed to be _the_ season for France, and it's really been gray and overcast. Boy, leave it to me to ruin France!_

Scrubbing herself rigorously, she cleanses off the leftovers of her little dream. _That's just what I'd need. The new guy smelling my odor. Wouldn't that start things off on the right foot, huh?_ She feels irritated, because she just can't stop the stupid dreams. Consciously, she's left her obsession for Faith behind._ It was an insane time, and I went a little insane. It … wasn't happening, and my stupidity just wouldn't see it wasn't happening. I went a little over the top… ok, I went major over the top, but that's past. In the past. Done, over, let's move on already. So, why doesn't the dreaming part of my brain get it? Damn!_

Finishing up, she turns off the shower, grabbing a towel to dry off. She's just about done when she hears knocking at her door.

_What the hell? I wasn't IN there that long!_

" Hold on, one moment, please. Er, Seulement une moment , s'il vous plaît. Moi seront équitable y." She calls out in a very un-French like accent. Looking at the clock as she throws on a robe, she curses. _Damn, figures. I get the eager beaver chomping at the bit to get started. Geeze, get a life! Not supposed to be here for another 30 minutes! Crap!_ Making sure the robe is firmly cinched, running the brush quickly through her hair, Buffy stomps through the bedroom and the tiny front sitting room, grumbling a little to herself. The knock repeats itself just as she's reaching for the doorknob.

" Ok, ok, I'm here, already!" Buffy says, frowning. _God, don't you know the meaning of " Wait a minute?" Geeze!_

Buffy opens the door, leaving the chain in place, and talks through the crack.

" Look, you're early and I'm not ready yet. If you could come back…"

Standing in the hallway, carrying two suitcases, is a red headed girl. Her head is cocked to the side, and she's grinning ear to ear.

" Bonjour , Mesdemoiselles Summers. Je comprends vous êtes dans nécessité de une interprète?" Willow says in perfect French. " Eh bein , voici Je suis. Quand font nous trouver commencer? "( Good morning, Ms. Summers. I understand you are looking for an interpreter? Well, here I am. When do you want to get started?)

Buffy, surprised, stands staring at Willow through the crack in the door.

" Huh?" She asks, not understanding any of this. " Willow?"

Willow grins at the slice of Buffy's face she can see through the space between the doorjamb and the door. _She looks like she's about to have kittens, _Willow chuckles to herself.

" Buff, think you can open the door now? I mean, as hallways goes, this is ok, but I think I'd rather be inside now… and the cases?" She hefts them up a little, " not getting any lighter!"

The door closes then flies open, and Willow is almost bowled over by Hurricane Buffy. She feels herself lifted into the air, and starts to laugh.

WILLOW!" Buffy screams happily, hugging Willow tightly and twirling the taller girl in a circle.

" Buffy, " Willow shrieks, " BUFFEE! Stop. I'm getting dizzy!"

" Oh, gosh, sorry Will. I'm just so happy to see you!" Buffy dances around her , as Willow, a little woozy, sits on her haunches, the weight of her bags pulling her down. Despite that, she's giggling, seeing Buffy so jazzed up.

" What're you doing here, Will? What was that about you were saying? I think I caught interpret in there or something?" before Willow can say anything, Buffy grabs her into another hug." Are you real? I mean, really here? I can't believe this!" Buffy can't remember feeling this happy in awhile.

" Ummm… Buff? Think we can get my bags inside? Me too? Kinda feeling woozily here. I gotta remember NOT to surprise you!" Willow stands up. She reaches for her bags, but Buffy has already grabbed them, and is heading into her flat.

" Well, c'mon, Will. Don't stand out there all day, " Buffy says, turning and walking into the flat.

Willow cocks her head, looking at the back of Buffy as it disappears through the door. She's grinning.

_' Hey, Will, hope I didn't make you too dizzy there'._ She shakes her head. _That's so Buffy!_

Shrugging, she follows her in.

-2-

" I'm sorry, Will. I didn't hear you. I was taking a shower, " Buffy says, emerging from the bedroom, now fully dressed. She's wearing a loose turtleneck sweater, a pair of jeans and running shoes. Her hair is tied back in a pony tail. She's wearing no makeup. " Were you waiting long?"

Willow is sitting on the small settee in the tiny front room. She's been looking around Buffy's flat. She notices that there is nothing personal about the place… it looks rather Spartan. _Goodness, this could be a hotel room. If she hadn't answered the door, I wouldn't know she lives here. There aren't even any pictures out!_

" No, not really. Just kind of taken by surprise by your surprise. Didn't Giles tell you I was coming?"

" Er… no. Giles only told me I was getting another interpreter after the last one flaked."

" Flaked? What happened?"

" I dunno. We were interviewing a potential slayer, and her family was there. The interpreter either misunderstood me, or said the wrong thing, but the crux was, the girls father got enraged. He went into another room, and came out carrying a shotgun. Well, we had to kind of run like bunnies to keep from getting our butts being blown off. I asked the guy what he said, but he just shrugged. I think he totally lost it, because next day he quit and rather faded out fast." Buffy is laughing.

" Geeze, what did he say?" Willow asks, a little wide-eyed.

" Dunno, and I didn't want to hang around to find out. Not with the business end of a shotgun pointed at me. I've never seen any family member get so mad before. Whatever he said, or implied, it must've been really snarky!"

" What happened to the girl?"

" Haven't a clue, " Buffy shrugs," didn't want to face Papa again. Guns? Never useful." Buffy gives Willow a sidelong glance, " so, why are _you_ here, Willow? I thought you were all partying it down in sunny Rio." Buffy looks out the windows, " you can't tell me you're here for the weather."

" Well, Giles told me you were in need of someone who spoke French, and hey, I speak French, and I always wanted to see Paris, and it's the perfect time, right? Springtime in Paris and all," Willow glances out the same window Buffy did, " ok, maybe right now not the perfect picture postcard weather, but it's gonna get better, and did I tell you I wanted to see Paris? Oh, how's Dawnie doing, by the way? Did she get into the American University at Rome? How IS Rome, by the way? I want to see that too, and I figure after Paris maybe we can…"

" Ok, the real reason now, Will?"

" I told you the real reason, Buffy, geeze, what? Do you want me to take a lie detector test or something? Boy, come to help out a friend, and you get the third degree around here. You know it wasn't easy to get here, long plane flight and with all the security, a real pain, but did that stop me? No, I came because you needed help and now …." She looks at Buffy's impassive face, and cracks, " … are you buying any of this?"

Buffy shakes her head, not smiling.

Willow sighs, and seems to deflate. Buffy comes over, sits next to her and puts an arm around her shoulders, hugging her.

" So, what's really going on, Will?" Her tone is gentle.

Willow shrugs slightly, and looks away.

" I just needed to get away, Buffy, " Willow doesn't look at Buffy, " things weren't going so good in Brazil." She doesn't elaborate.

She doesn't have to.

" Kennedy?" Buffy asks, her expression tight.

Willow nods. She catches Buffy's expression out of the corner of her eye.

" Don't blame her, Buffy. It wasn't all her, " Willow says, " I'm to blame too. She tried, she really did, " Willow sees Buffy's skeptical expression, " she did, Buffy. But we're just too different, you know? We … we just don't like the same things. I mean, why should she have to change for me, anyway? That's just selfish, you know?" Willow, caught in her own memory, doesn't see the effect that has on Buffy. " But we tried, both of us. She tried to get into stuff I liked, and I tried to be out there, go where she wanted to go, do what she wanted to do. But I guess … I guess…" Willow's voice gets a tremor in it, " I guess we just couldn't bend enough, either of us. Can't put it on her, that isn't fair, " Willow's voice is getting definitely shaky now, and Buffy's arm tightens around her, " I… I mean she's young, Buffy. Heck, she's barely 20. S-She's not ready to c-commit to anything y-yet. It … it w-was silly to t-think she was r-ready to settle down … "

Willow goes quiet for awhile, trying to hold on, get herself back together. Buffy just sits quietly by her, not speaking, just holding her.

" It was Sunnydale, Buffy, " Willow says, her voice calmer, " We were both feeling lost, looking for some comfort, I think. I think she just… I just… " Willow shrugs, " We just wanted something to hold onto. It was a scary time for both of us, you know?"

" Sure, Will, I know, " Buffy strokes her hair, " it was scary for us all. We all held onto things that in the end weren't going to happen, " Buffy is thinking of Spike, and how he died. How she wishes she could've felt for him what he felt for her. Her eyes get bright.

Willow misinterprets Buffy's nostalgia, thinking of Faith.

" Don't, Buffy. Don't do this to yourself. You loved her, and thought you had a shot. You made a mistake, don't keep beating yourself up about it!"

" Who are you talking about, Will? I was thinking about Spike, " Buffy's voice gets an odd note to it, " I was just thinking if we'd had more time, I mean … well, after he got his soul and all… maybe things would've been different…"

" Oh"

" Look, Will. Let's get this straight, ok? I mean… what happened… after? At the guest house? It was just a moment of insanity on my part. I was trying to be her friend, and with all that went on, and all the loss, I guess I just got my feelings mixed up. I guess I thought something was there that really wasn't. Best it came down like it did. Me and Faith, together? God, that's nuts! We'd kill each other!" Buffy grins, a little lopsidedly. " Anyway, even if I felt something? Doesn't matter, because I know she didn't feel it back. So, dwelling on it? Pointless."

Willow doesn't like this. She feels a sadness coming off Buffy, and she suspects it really doesn't have anything to do with a certain bleach blond vampire. Worse, she's acting as if Faith was a blip in her life, as if what happened never mattered. She knows Buffy too well. She can sense that Buffy is equivocating about what she feels. _Buffy isn't casual in her heart. She's not wired that way. She falls hard, and I think she fell hard for Faith. Now she's trying to pretend like it was nothing. I think it hurts too much, otherwise._

" Buffy, if you ever need to talk about it…"

" It's old news, Will. Ancient history, " Buffy diverts the topic, " So, we got sidetracked, sorry 'bout that. You and Kennedy…"

" Me and Kennedy? Need a break… not sure …if there's going to be a me and Kennedy in the future. Don't know…"

" Ah, honey, don't. I'm sure once you two have some time, you'll work it out. Don't put the coffin nails in it yet, Will, " Buffy hugs her, trying to be supportive.

" I think… I think she's cheating on me, Buffy, " Willow says in a small, sad voice.

"What?" Buffy feels her neck flushing as her anger rises. She stiffens.

" No, don't. Buffy, I don't have any hard evidence. I haven't like caught her at it… it's not like she's flaunting it, if it's happening. It's more a feeling… and I can smell… other women on her, sometimes."

" I'm gonna kill her, " Buffy says, matter of fact in her tone. " If she's doing this, if she hurts you like this, I'm going to kill her." It's a promise, not a threat.

" Buffy!" Willow says sharply, " I don't need a protector, I need my friend. I don't … want to hurt her, not like that, anyway. I need someone to listen is all… ok?"

Buffy looks upset, but nods.

" I don't hate her, Buffy. I don't want you to hate her, either. She… shit, I can't do this, " Willow leans against Buffy, " I don't want to think about it anymore, Buffy. I just want…" she shakes her head, " I don't know what I want, but it doesn't involve Kennedy."

" You know what? You're right!" Buffy says, a slight edge to her voice, " screw her, screw 'em all!"

"BUFFEE!"

" I mean it, Will. Lets get out of here. What're we doin', moping in some room. There's Paris out there, all for us. Let's go out and have some fun. We got it coming, we deserve it, and damn, we're gonna do it!"

"Buff I'm kinda wiped," Willow complains, " I'd really kinda like to take a nap…"

" Geeze, Will. It's morning. Naps are for later. At least, come down to the corner café with me. They serve a great omelet, and I'm famished. Please, please, please?" Buffy puts on her best beg mode. "Aren't you just a little bit hungry? Tasty croissants!"

Willow laughs. She can't help it.

" Yeah, ok. But then, I really need to crash."

" Ok, I promise, " Buffy says, crossing her fingers behind her back, " We get breakfast, then you can come back and crash."

Willow smiles wanly, and grabbing her purse, hoists herself up, heading for the front door. Buffy watches her, a slightly grim look on her face.

Not gonna let that little bitch make Will miserable. I'm gonna see to it she has the best time of her life in Paris, if I have to kill half the city to do it!

She follows Willow out.

-3-

It's late afternoon in Paris, and the sun, in defiance of the weather gods, has broken through the clouds The late afternoon light gives a warmth to the scene, painting it with a soft bronze palette. The play of light against lengthening shadows gives a nostalgic sense to the streets, as if old ghosts are giving up their memories.

Faith sits sipping strong and sweet coffee at an outside café on the Rue Abel, watching as the sun descends behind the horizon. The sky is all slashed with oranges and reds, purples and gold, looking like a madman's painting. There is a small smile on her face, her eyes calm, drinking in the colors.

Faith never used to be one to watch the sun set. She was go to it girl, contemplation wasn't her thing. It wasn't that she didn't like them, didn't love the colors, but she was restless, needing to always be moving, doing. Something to drain the energy that seemed to consume her as well as feed her.

That was the old her. Now, she's changed. Being in prison gives you lots of time to learn how to stand still. How to think, how to examine yourself and fix what you don't like.

Robin did that for her too. He helped her see herself as not just a toy, not just someone's plaything. Their time together taught her to trust herself, to respect herself. To see herself as a whole person. She was grateful to him for that. She had great affection for him. But she didn't love him.

They both came to realize that though they enjoyed each other in bed, and that they enjoyed each other out of bed, they couldn't be more than friends. They were too different from each other, from two different worlds. Four months ago, by mutual consent, they parted friends.

Faith decided she wanted to see Europe, rather than just read about it in books. With what money she'd managed to save, she got to Europe and bummed around, doing the age old Young American in Europe thing. She wound up in Paris, fast running out of money, but not wanting to leave.

Faith loved Paris. She found it all coming together here for her, she felt right here. Despite her lack of education, she had a good ear, and was a natural linguist. She picked up the language quickly; after 3 months she spoke French nearly as well as a native. Even without a work permit, she managed to find a job. Strictly cash, it still paid for her tiny little room, and meals. Tips went to keep her clothed.

She didn't love her job. At times, she really didn't love her job. Sometimes, she would fill in and bartend; that part was ok. But mostly, she was… well, there really was no other way to put it, she was a professional flirt. She had to cozy up to the customers, dance with the lonely ones, make them feel warm and cared about. Again, it wasn't so bad, except for one little hitch.

Le Masquer was a cross dressing gay club. It was a place where those so inclined, both singles and couples, could meet and greet and have a safe haven without all the stares and implied ridicule. It was open to all, but catered to the cross dresser. Part of her job was to dress up androgynously, wearing a bust binder(_ a torture device definitely designed by a man_) along with a full tuxedo, decked out with exaggerated lapels and tails. She'd had to cut her normal mane of hair, and slick it down to carry the effect. The pièce de résistance, however, was the face mask she had to wear. It covered her face entirely, except for her mouth and chin. On busy nights, when the club was overly hot, it was really torturous wearing that thing. Not as bad as the bust binder, nor the toes squashed by truly inept dancers, but it was up there.

Faith finishes her coffee, and gets up, walking along the rue Abel to the club. She's a little late, but she's not too worried that Michel will fire her. She's become rather popular amongst the club's regulars._ What can I say? I'm the darling of the sexually confused. The butch amongst the queens. I really gotta get another job._ But, until her work permit comes through, it's the old dime-a-dance with a rather bizarre twist. Her toes are already aching in anticipation.

For all that, life is pretty good. She loves being here, she loves wandering around, finding new things. She clubs on her nights off, enjoying the night life away from Les Masquer. She loves the food, the people, everything seems to fit just right for her here.

And bonus. No watcher's council bothering her. No Giles looking over her shoulder. And best of all, no Buffy!

For the first time in a very long time, Faith feels she's shed the legacy of Sunnydale, including Buffy and Co. That disaster, that fiasco, that whatever it was at the guest house in L.A. dogged her mind for months._ I know for a fact that it affected Robin's relationship with me. Not saying it broke us up. That would be unfair, and untrue. We weren't meant to be together. I know that, and he knows that. But there was that something in his eyes. I could see it there when he thought I wasn't watching. I know he thought something was going on between B and me. But that… ok, that's just past the point of insanity. He really didn't get our history of trying to pound each other into the ground._ Faith sighs._ Of course, finding Buffy naked in my bed, covered only in rose petals? Not exactly easy to explain. But I had nothing to do with that. I mean, think about it. If I were having a thing with Buffy, yeah, that right there doesn't make you shudder, but, if I were having a thing with Buffy, why would (A) I meet him at the airport, more, wait for him at the airport for a couple of hours, all the while (B) have Buffy waiting naked in my bed. The bed I invited HIM in to share with me? I mean, come on! Be real, that's just lunacy, don't you think?_

_Oh, but the lunacy doesn't end there. Because, when I go to rip Buffy a new asshole for her latest stunt, out comes Red to not only defend her, but tell me that Buffy's crazy in love with me. Yeah, that makes lots of sense. Let's review, kids. This is the same woman that for years has been doing her best to either forget I ever existed, or when I didn't let her forget, do her best to get my ass in jail? You know, the one who wanted to kill me on the rooftop to feed to her vampire boyfriend. Ok, I had something to do with poisoning him, sure. I was screwed up. Not gonna say I wasn't. I did bad things, I went to prison to atone for that. Case closed. But this is the girl who hounded me, hunted me, and was ready to give me over to the Mayor or the Council when Alan Finch died. Who put me in the coma, and promptly forgot I existed. When I woke up, she hunted me to L.A., ready for another pound of flesh. Yeah, I messed with her, messed up her life some, sure. But don't think she didn't fuck me over a few times, too. Oh, and hey, I was feeling the warm fuzzies when the first thing she does when I show up in Sunnyhell to help her fight the first, is punch me in the face. AGAIN! " Sorry, Faith, I didn't realize that was you." Yeah, sure, B. You just didn't like I was hitting on your boyfriend… literally. With punches. How was I supposed to know he was a good guy, huh? Last time we met, he wasn't a good guy. He's a vamp. We kill vamps. Most vamps. Except the souled variety. And up to that point, that meant Angel. Not Spike. Need a scorecard to keep up with the changes around there. Ever figure, B, why Angel ran to L.A.? Maybe because… YOU DRIVE PEOPLE LOONY! _

Faith, reaching Les Masquer, stops, not wanting to enter the club. Not feeling the way she does at this moment. She leans against the wall, getting her irritation back under control. _Why, why can't she just get out of my mind? Why can't I leave her and all the rest of that behind me? Why does the memory of her keep intruding. God, I haven't thought about her or any of it for months. Why now? Why today? She's got to be thousands of miles from here. That still isn't enough, dammit!_ Faith shakes herself out. _Cool it, Faith. That's all behind you. She's gone, and you never have to see her again… her or any of them. That's behind you. Grrr! What got me thinking about her again, anyway?_ She looks at the sky, which is just entering twilight. _Sunset! Had to sit there and watch the damned sun go down. Got my mind wandering, and look where it went! Dammit all, it's just not fair. When do I get to have my own life?_

Stupid sunsets. See if I watch one of those again! 

Faith, disgusted with herself, enters the club, letting the door slam behind her.

If you listen carefully, you can almost hear the fates laughing.

-4-

" No! Don't wanna!"

" Ah, c'mon, it'll be a hoot!"

Buffy is sitting beside Willow on the bed. Willow is lying prone, back to Buffy, gripping the pillow for dear life. She buries her head under the pillow, hoping to muffle out Buffy's voice.

" Buffy Summers, you're a big fat liar!" Willow exclaims from under the pillow, " You told me this morning that we were ' just going for breakfast'. I only agreed because I figured I watch you eat some breakfast, have some tea, then I'd be up here, snoozing. But no, after that it's ' Oh, were just gonna go here for a minute'; then it's 'Aw, c'mon, Will, they've got the cutest dresses, or the cutest shoes, or… the cutest whatever!' . Then it became, ' just one more place, Willow.' You must've said that a dozen times or so."

" Aw that's not fair, Will. I didn't say it that many times, " Buffy pouts.

" Buffy, I'm not you. I told you this morning, I'm exhausted. I was on a plane all night. I'm bushed. I wanted to nap, but noooo… you had to go to breakfast, then all the rest of that stuff. I'm not you, Buffy. I'm not Supergirl. I'm worn out, I'm sore. Heck, my back is sore, my feet are sore, even my sores are sore! I need to rest!"

"Well, geeze, Will. I didn't mean right this second. It's still afternoon. I thought maybe you could get a couple of hours rest, and then…"

" Buffy, honey… I'm really bushed. Think I need eight to recover from today, " Willow looks out from under the pillow, " It sounds like fun… when my feet don't feel like falling off…"

"Oh, man, Will. I'm sorry. You're right, I've run your feet off, and here you're tired and all. " Buffy is genuinely contrite, " Stupid, really stupid. Just… I've missed you loads, Will, and I got greedy. Wanted it all in one day."

Willow burrows deeper into the bed, smiling because she won this round. She starts to get a case of the guilts. _Am I being fair here? I mean, shoot, we haven't seen each other in the longest time, and she was just trying to cheer me up. I know that. But I'm so tired! And this feels so nice… _it's then that she notices that the bed has a very pungent odor to it, a very familiar smell. _It smells of Buffy, big time._ But not just the usual citrus-y vanilla smell of Buffy. No, a more musky smell… _Oh, my goodness! _Willow realizes exactly what the odor is.

At about the same moment, Buffy realizes where Willow is resting, and she remembers how she woke up this morning. In what condition. _Oh, my god…_

" Umm. Will? If you're gonna crash, I really need to change the sheets, " Buffy realizes that her last little dream is still evident in the bedding. " Maybe you could take a bath while I do that ,and run get us some dinner?" Realizing that Willow probably can smell her scent, and that she's nearly laying in the spot… Buffy feels a definite blush creeping up her neck.

Willow sits up, her cheeks also a little pink. _Oh gosh, can't let her know I smelled it. She'll freak. _" Hey, Buff. Know what? I'm thinking I'm getting my second wind. But that bath idea? Sounding real good. Why don't I do that, and you can…" She trails off, trying to keep it light and casual. But her eyes stray towards the bed.

" On it," Buffy calls , already out the bedroom door into the next room." There's soap and shampoo already by the tub, and there are fresh towels in the little closet by the door".

Buffy tarries in the front room, not really wanting to go back in the bedroom at the moment. She can feel her face burning. _God, I'm such a dope. Why didn't I do this earlier. Damn, that was close. I hope she didn't smell… oh, that would be just too… too… ._ Without realizing, she begins to daydream about what happened this morning before Willow arrived.

Willow in the meantime, has recovered her sense of humor, and is standing by the bed. She's chuckling to herself over Buffy's evident embarrassment.

_Poor Buffy. Gosh, what? You think I'm a nun, Buffy? That I've never masturbated? Sheesh. So, who were you thinking about? Did a certain brunette slayer get you all… _It's about then that the image of Buffy, semi naked on the bed, masturbating, hits Willow and she blushes to her roots. _Holy … bad, bad brain! Buffy … we don't think about her that way._ Then another thought hits her. _There's only one bed in here! _Suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, Willow starts towards the bedroom door. _Gotta work out the sleeping arrangements…_

Willow peeks her head out the bedroom door, catching Buffy standing facing away, woolgathering. _What's going through that head of hers?_

" Hey, Buffy" Willow says, quietly.

Buffy nearly jumps a foot. Bedclothes go flying.

"Geeze, Will. Gosh, don't do that!" Buffy's tone sounds guilty, " You nearly gave me a heart attack!" She bends over, starting to pick up the sheets. "thought you'd be in the tub by now, getting all soak-y and bubbly."

"Sorry, " Willow comes over and helps Buffy retrieve the scattered bedding, " I just got to thinking. I kind of dumped myself on your doorstep, and I thought well, you'd have a bigger place," Willow hands Buffy some pillow cases._ Like maybe, twin beds at least._" How're we gonna handle the sleeping arrangements?"

" Oh!" Buffy is a little surprise, " hadn't thought about it. I mean, the bed's big enough, I thought we'd …" She sees Willow's expression. " Well, that's tricky I guess… hmmm… well, guess you'll take the bedroom, and I can sleep in here." Buffy looks at the settee, and frowns a little.

" No, that's not right. I mean, I'm not going to kick you out of your bed!" Willow moves over to the settee, and sits down. She bounces on the cushion. " See, comfy!" She lays down, her legs dangling over one arm.

Buffy rolls her eyes. " You know, we're being just a little stupid here. The bed's big, we can share. Not like we haven't before."

Willow looks at her eyebrows raised.

" Sleepovers, Will. My house, or your house. We used to sleep together in smaller beds, you know."

_Yeah, and we were kids, and neither of us were attracted to women at that time, and it was… oh, crap, Willow. Grow up. You're an adult, for goodness sakes. You can sleep in a bed with Buffy without anything happening. God, what is your problem, anyway? Geeze Louise, we spent a year living together in college, never mind all the time in Sunnydale. Nothing happened. What's your deal now? Yeah well, I wasn't single then, either, and she wasn't so damned cute … at least, not in that way, and I didn't have a clue she thought women could be sexy… I mean… sexual… oh crap, what is my problem, anyway? Nothings going to happen, because I'm not going to let it happen, and why am I even thinking this way? Because I smelled her? Not like it was for me…_

"Willow… sweetie… Will, wake up honey, " Buffy is next to her, shaking her gently by the arm. " Where are you? Earth calling Willow…"

" Huh?" Willow, startled, sees Buffy next to her. " Sorry… look, you're right. I'm being silly. Stupid to waste the bed, especially since this thing wouldn't sleep a munchkin comfortably." She sits up.

" I really did poop you out, didn't I?" Buffy says, a rueful smile on her face. " C'mon, sweetie. You go soak in the tub, and I'll make up the bed. I'll get some take out from around the corner, and boom, we'll get you all tucked in, cozy and snuggly. "

" Aw, Buffy it's really early yet," Willow says, trying to suppress a yawn." Just gimme an hour or so, and I'll be ready to go out."

" Don't be silly. You were right, you need some serious Z's."

" What're you gonna do, though?"

" I dunno. I'll go out and take a walk, probably. That's what I do most nights anyway, " Buffy grins, reaching out a hand to help her up.

_God, that sounds so lonely!_ " Really, Buff, I'll be fine…"

" Now, don't make me get all maternal here, Will. You're out on your feet. It's not a big, honest. We have all of tomorrow and lots of tomorrows for hanging out. Tonight it's bath, supper and bed for you, young lady. No arguments, now!"

" Yes, ma'am" Willow teases her. She lets out a huge yawn. She smiles sleepily, " guess I really am pretty wiped. Thanks, Buffy."

" Well, giving you a reprieve tonight, but you better get your rest, girlfriend. Tomorrow I'm gonna run your butt off."

" 'K" Willow heads towards the bathroom. She stops. " You're the best, you know that, right?"

" Oh yeah, " Buffy says ironically, " I'm just a regular Mother Teresa. Now scoot!"

Willow disappears through the bedroom door, while Buffy gathers up the remaining bedclothes.

_Yeah, I'm a regular gem,_ Buffy thinks to herself, a little sulkily, _I'm special!_

Sighing, she enters the bedroom.

-5-

Buffy stands outside the club, working up the nerve to go in. Clutched in her hand is a flyer she found at a local café, advertising the establishment:

**_Viens à Les Maquer. Une situer être âgé qui vous vouloir être âgé. Toutes bienvenue. Visiter , à-pic votre masquer , et être les véritable vous._**

(Come to Les Maquer. A place to be who you want to be. All welcome. Drop in, drop your mask, and be the real you.)

Buffy is torn. After the little incident in L.A., and the subsequent dreams she's been having, she's beginning to question a lot of things about herself. Try as she might, she can't put away the feelings she felt back then, and it's worrying her. _Am I like, gay now? What does this all mean, anyway? I don't understand what's going on with me, but I notice women more, in wholly different ways than before. I thought it was just an infatuation thing, a crush or something. But … I can't stop thinking about her, and it's crazy, because I just want to forget her, and all the crap that went on. This is stupid, Buffy. Just go in. They won't bite you… will they? No, don't be stupid!_ Buffy walks to the door, reaches for the handle, and backs off. _What am I gonna find out going in there, that I don't know already? I'm attracted to girls, ok, I think I get that. But I'm attracted to guys, too. So what does that make me? Really confused! Maybe I should talk to Will. She's got more experience here. Maybe she can … no, I don't want to weird her out already. I almost lost her as a friend back in L.A. with the whole Faith fiasco. What if she wigs on me? Like I did on her when she told me she was gay. Ok, Buff, you're not giving her much credit, are you? She's got to know what the confusion is like. But… what if she thinks I'm coming on to her? What if it gets weird between us? I don't want that. No, can't talk to her, not now… not til I'm sure._ Buffy takes a deep breath, walks to the door, and stops. _And this'll make me sure? Geeze, Buffy. Sure about what? _She looks at the flyer again. _The real me? Who is that, anyway? God, I hate feeling like this! _Buffy stares at the door, then turns on her heel, walking away. _Screw this, I'm outta here. This was a dumb idea. What am I gonna find here, anyway? Just go home, and go to bed, and… right, next to Will, who's already looking at you funny. Right, that'll be good. Damn!_ She turns again, and heads back to the door. _Stop being such a chicken, Buffy. Just do it!_

Buffy takes a deep breath, and enters the club.

She is greeted at the door by a hostess, who smiles warmly at her.

" Hello, honey. Well, aren't you the pretty one?" She gives her the once over. " Gosh, you couldn't even tell!"

Buffy looks at her strangely. _Tell? What the heck? You can tell? Is there some kind of secret code here?_

"Anyway, baby, I need to collect a 10 euro cover charge from you." She holds out her hand for the cover.

_She has really large hands…_ Buffy digs in her purse, and pulls out a bill, handing it to the hostess.

" Thanks, sweetie, enjoy Les Masquer"

Buffy smiles, a little tightly, and starts into the club when she feels a whack on her butt. She whirls around, but the hostess is talking to another patron. _Ok, getting a little personal now, aren't we?_ She rolls her eyes, and walks into the main room.

The place is hot tonight. The main room is dark and smoky, computerized laser lights and small table lamps providing the illumination. There is a band onstage play loud techno dance music, and singles and couples dancing on the large dance floor. Buffy stands back, taking in the atmosphere.

_Not so bad. Pretty much like any other club. _She moves in a little, watching the dancers. _Boy, lot of tall girls here. Hope they don't mind shrimps like me._ Looking around, she searches for a table, and finds one toward the middle. She sits down, watching the action.

Faith is circling the club, stopping at tables, chatting with the regulars. She, however, is looking out for the 'newbies'. The first timers that look a little lost and scared. Part of her job is to set them at ease, make them feel welcome at Les Masquer. Also, if they're looking to dance, well that's her job too. _Professional flirt at your service, Dames et Messieurs._ Dressed as she is, she feels like the host in _Cabaret!_ _Yeah, and look how he ended up!_ She cruises towards the dance floor, and then spots one.

No doubt 'bout it. Staring at the band, trying to look casual and on the know, but all closed up. Tiny little thing, too. From the back, you couldn't tell 'she' is a cross-dresser. Maybe not. Maybe a 'civvie' just in to check out the show. We do get some straights in here… mostly curious or feeling a little confused. Well, Faith, showtime. Go work your magic!

Faith moves up behind the girl, approaching slowly so as not to startle her. I'm thinking she's not new. She looks familiar, somehow. Been here before, I bet. I just don't remember her. Faith shrugs, and pulls out the rose she carries, placing it on the table over the girl's shoulder.

" Sage veillée , Mesdemoiselles. Bienvenue aux Masquer. Si il y a quelque chose Moi peux font pour vous , ou si vous avez tout problème, s'il vous plaît sentir que libre me passer voir.I s'apercevoir de vous êtes voici près de vous-même ça veillée? Si vous tellement souhaiter , Moi être très joyeux à danser par les vôtres!"

(Good evening, Miss. Welcome to The Masks. If there is anything I can do for you, or if you have any questions, please feel free to call on me. I notice you are here by yourself this evening? If you so wish, I would be most happy to dance with you!)

Buffy turns and looks up at the man staring down at her, and smiles a little sheepishly.

" Pardon, messieur, I didn't understand a word you said. Ummm…Parlez-vous l'anglais ?" Buffy's brows knit. " I think that's right?"

Faith nearly has a cow. _Buffy? HERE! Oh god, this is just too… too…_ She feels her throat constrict, and starts to cough.

" Are you ok?" Buffy asks, a little worried. " Do you need help?" _Damn, how do I say that in French?_ " Ummm…Avez-vous besoin de l'aide ?" She stands up, and starts patting Faith on the back. " Are you choking?"

Faith shakes her head violently, and moves away from Buffy. " No, I'm ok, Miss" She croaks out, " I'll be right back."

She hurries away quickly.

Buffy sits down, her expression resigned. _Doing great. Been here 5 minutes, nearly killed an employee. This is fun, uh-huh._ She picks up the rose, and holds it to her nose. _Nice rose!_

Faith leans against the bar, panting for breath. She lifts her mask, daubing her face with a napkin.

Michel, the bartender/ owner walks over, looking concerned.

" Faith, cher. Are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Faith looks up at him, grimacing. " Worse."

" Worse? What? Who did this to you?"

Faith points at the table where Buffy is seated. Michel looks at her, then back at Faith.

" That little slip of a girl? Did this? What, is she like a … ummm … how do you say? Witch?"

" No, just her friend is, " Faith babbles, trying to calm down. Her breathing begins to slow.

" Eh? You're not making sense, Faith. How could that little woman make you like this?"

Faith looks at him balefully, " Long story, not a happy ending. Tell you sometime, but right now, I've just got to avoid her!"

Michel looks at her. " Eh… no"

"What?"

" No, Faith. She is a customer, and from the way she keeps looking over here…"

" She's looking over here?" Faith puts back on her mask.

" .. I think she's rather worried about you. Never mind that it's your job to make the customer's comfortable… not worried. Go over, and attend to her."

" Michel, were you listening? We have a bad history. If she finds out who I am…."

" Faith, go, go, go. I've never seen you so… well, being such a coward!"

" I'm not a coward… geeze, Michel, you don't know what she's like… she's insane!"

" Bah, you're being foolish. Go over and take care of her, now!"

" Fine," Faith growls, " but this won't be pretty."

" Stop being so foolish, Faith. Just pour on the charm. I've seen you, I know you can do it. Just go!"

Faith runs a hand through her hair, and straightens her jacket. _God, with all the clubs in Paris, why did she come here? Well, ok, B. You wanna be entertained, fine. Hold on, girl. It's gonna get bumpy!_

Buffy notices the man coming back to the table, and she sits up, trying to act casually. _Ok, Buffy. Now remember. No more killing the employees. Be nice!_

" Hello, again, Miss. I'm so sorry about before. I just…´ Faith makes some exaggerated gestures about her neck," … well, I got something caught in my throat. I apologize. I didn't mean to upset you!"

" Oh, you do speak English then?" Buffy asks, " Whew, my French? It sucks!" Faith pretends not to understand, and gives her a look. " I'm sorry, I mean… it's bad." She smiles shyly, " I usually don't have that effect on people."

" Ahhh… non, Mlle. Not you, believe me. I just… silly, ate something dry, and it caught in my throat… and viola, I make a fool out of myself." _That's right, Faith, lay it on thick. God!_

" Are you ok?" Buffy asks, " You really looked … well, it was like you saw something bad."

" Eh? No, of course not, that's silly, " Faith laughs, " I mean, you are … ummm… un femme assez jeune. Pardon, forgot…pretty young woman."

"Oh?" Buffy blushes, " that's sweet." She looks at Faith out of the corner of her eye, " You're paid to say that though, aren't you?"

" Paid? Well, yes… but to make sure you have a good time, you know? I mean, dance or whatever if you wish, but my opinions? My own, Mlle."

" You're the charmer, aren't you?" Buffy smirks, but her cheeks are a little pink, " not in a bad way… ummm… oh, great, I'm so rude. I didn't get your name?"

" Remy, Mlle…er…heh, I don't know your name, either" _Like it wasn't burned into my brain._

" I'm sorry, of course. I'm Buffy… Buffy Summers," Buffy says, shyly. _Wow is he a sweetie._

" No, really… what's your name?"

Buffy cocks her head, " That's my name. Buffy."

" Bouffy? " Remy/ Faith laughs, " That's… so …hmmm… unusual. You are Americain, yes?"_ Oh, man, this is starting to be fun. Would you look at her? She's eating this crap like candy!_

" You're laughing at me!" Buffy protests.

" Ah, non, ma cher. Not at all, " Remy/ Faith reaches over and pats her hand, " I'm sorry, you just are so … ummm… sweet, I guess?"

" You don't know?" Buffy says, flirting a little.

" Oh, I know, " Remy/Faith replies. _Sweet as salt, B._

" Thank you for the rose, " Buffy waves it at him , then puts it to her nose, " It's very pretty."

" Not as pretty as you, " Remy/Faith smiles._ Wow, that's got to be a 4 alarm blush!_

Buffy blushes nearly as red as the rose she's holding. " You're flirting with me!"

" Yes, I suppose I am, Mlle. You don't like?"

" Oh, I like it, " Buffy smiles brightly at Remy/Faith.

_I bet you do, B. God, this is a hoot. She's getting all giggly and girly on me. God, I'd love to take off the mask, and watch her face. It'd be a real hoot and a half. Whatta dope! _Faith reaches up to grab her mask, then stops. _Naw, this is way too much fun. Let's see how thick I can lay it on first. Then poof._

" Well, miss, if all is well now, I suppose I should be going. Do have fun at Les. Masquer, " Faith starts to stand up.

Buffy reaches out, covering her hand." Do you really have to?" She looks into Remy/Faith's eyes.

Faith looks back into Buffy's eyes, and sees the loneliness and hurt lurking there. Suddenly, this isn't as much fun anymore. _Oh man, I just wanted to tease her a little…shit, look at her!_

" I'm sorry…er… Bouffy? No, Buffy? Yes, Buffy… as you say, I'm paid to …ummm… circulate around. It's my job, " She shrugs, gently taking back her hand.

"Of course, I understand, " Buffy says, her voice low. " Thank you, you've been very sweet." She smiles tightly at Remy/Faith.

_Oh, man. Don't.. don't do it Faith. Don't do it. Don't go soft on me now. You got away with it, she won't be back, not now. Don't blow it now!_

" Of course, if you ask me to dance, I'm can't refuse, " Remy/Faith hints. _Shit, idiot! Moron! What're you doing? Run!_

Buffy turns to her, smiling broadly, face all lit up. " That's right. You've got to dance with me, don't you?"

" Yes, that is so, " Remy/Faith replies, " that I do." _Stupid, stupid, stupid! What is your problem, Faith? Why do you feel sorry for her, after all she's done to you? God, you're the dope!_

" Then… ummm…" Buffy gets a case of the shys, " would you… I'd really like to dance. Would you dance with me?"

" Yes, of course, ma cher, " Remy/Faith puts out her hand, taking Buffy's. She leads her to the dance floor.

And at that very moment, the band changes tempo, and play a slow sweet love song.

_Figures,_ Faith sighs.

" Is something wrong?" Buffy asks.

" No, cher. Just… I'm not real good at the …slower dances." Remy/Faith lies._ Change your mind, decide you don't want to do this. C'mon, B. for once, cooperate!_

" Shhh… don't be silly. Just put out your arms, and I'll…"

Before Faith can control the situation, Buffy has slipped into her arms, putting her arms around her neck, leaning on her. _Oh, this just gets worse and worse._

They dance around the floor, gently swaying to the rhythm of the music. Faith can't help but smell Buffy's clean soft scent, nor the way her body seems to move just so against her body. _This isn't going to end very well. _

Buffy lets out a soft sigh, feeling better than she has in awhile. _I don't understand it. Why do they think Frenchmen are rude? This Remy is so… sweet. _

" Hey, " Buffy says softly.

" Yes?" Remy/Faith replies.

" I thought you said you couldn't dance, " Buffy teases her, " You dance beautifully."

" Thank you, Mlle., " Remy/.Faith replies. _Maybe if I stepped on her toe, she'd get the hint? No, probably not._

" You know, maybe it's me… but are the women here kind of tall?" Buffy asks, looking around at the dancers on the floor.

" Pardon? Tall?" She looks at Buffy, " You don't know?"

" know?

" About the club?" Buffy does an " Oh" with her lips," I heard it was a gay club," She whispers . She looks again," though, a lot of straight couples seem to be here."

" Ahhh… mon doux, don't you know? It's a …how you say? Cross-dressing club?"

" Huh?" Buffy looks puzzled…then light bulb goes on, " Oh. OH!" She looks again. " You mean…?"

" Yes, a lot of those ' women' , well… they aren't" Remy/ Faith chuckles. " Same with the boys…"

"Really?" She looks at Remy/ Faith with a small smile. " What about you? Are you a boy? Or a girl?" She leans in close, nearly touching Faith's ear with her lips, " I don't mind, either way."

Buffy reaches up to lift Remy/Faith's mask, but Faith gently bats her hand away. " Cher, is that fair? I mean, do I try to look down your dress to see if you're what you advertise?"

" No," Buffy blushes. She looks back up into Faith's eyes. " but, I really don't care, you know." Unconsciously, she runs her tongue over her lips to wet them. Her eyes sparkle.

_This is getting way out of control. I gotta stop this now._ Faith hears a tiny voice inside her ask, " Do you really want to?"._ God, yes! I don't want this! This is bordering on insanity!_

The dance ends, and Faith extricates herself gently from Buffy's arms. She smiles at Buffy charmingly.

" Thank you, miss, for the dance." She makes a slight bow, and turns.

" Yeah, I know , you got to work. But…" Buffy bites her lips, then blurts it out. " Can I see you again?" She moves over in front of Faith. " Maybe without the mask?"

_Do it, Faith. Just do it. End it now, or it's… just do it!_

" Miss Summers? I'm sorry, I don't think you understand. I'm sorry if I somehow misdirected you?"

" I'm sorry?" Buffy is puzzled.

" Miss Summers… er, Buffy. I'm just doing my job here. I dance with the patrons, and er… well, make sure they have a nice time at the club. But, I don't get involved.. I don't date the customers."

"Oh, " Buffy says, quietly.

Faith sees Buffy's face collapse. It's only a brief second, Buffy recovers quickly. But she can't remember a time when she saw such raw pain.

_Well, Faith. Good work. Happy now? You really hurt her. Proud of yourself?_

" Thanks for the dance, Remy. You've been very charming and sweet. Sorry I… I really have to go now, " Buffy turns, and heads back to the table where her purse lays. Picking it up, she heads for the door.

_Crap!_

Faith rushes after her, catching her as she's walking away from the club entrance. She stops in front of Buffy, blocking her way.

" Buffy… please. I'm really sorry, let me explain."

Buffy smiles at her sadly, " I know, you're just doing your job. I got it."

" No…" Faith sighs, " listen, cher. Long time ago? I knew a woman, like you. Very sweet, yes? But, well, I liked her, but she took it wrong, you know? She thought I loved her, and I didn't. I… really hurt her rather badly, you see. I thought it was her foolishness, for the longest time. But, eh, I think tonight, you showed me, I was to blame a little, too. You know? You're a very nice woman, Mlle. I don't … really don't want something to happen to hurt you." _You're a pretty slick liar, Faithy. Gosh, I'd almost buy that one. An hour ago, you were ready to make her cry. Why's it different now? _

Buffy looks at her, really looks at her._ Why does this feel so … déjà vu-y?_ " Somebody hurt you, didn't they? Was it this woman? She really hurt you."

" No, cher, you weren't listening. I hurt her, not the other way around."

Buffy smiles at her, sadly. She moves a little closer. " I'm sorry, Remy. You're not a very good liar. Somebody hurt you, pretty bad. I can tell. But…" Buffy moves closer, putting a hand on Faith's chest, " I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't hurt you."

Faith gently pushes Buffy's hand away. " No, ma cher, you don't get it, " She says, feeling a sudden sadness, " You just don't understand at all."

" Oh, I think I do." Buffy says quietly. " I really think I do."

Impulsively, she puts her hands on Faith's shoulders, and stretching up a little, kisses her. A light, tender kiss.

" Goodnight, Remy," Buffy says softly. She turns, and walks down the street.

Faith watches her go. Her lips are tight

" So, Faith, ma cher. You seem to have fooled your little friend. She didn't seem all that upset with you," Michel is standing at the entrance of the club. He's smiling broadly.

" Shut up, Michel, " Faith growls, pushing past him. " Just shut up!"

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

Huh?

Part IV

Pairings: Primarily Buffy and Faith, but that doesn't preclude other stuff.

Summary: A story set post " Chosen ". Really rather defies summarization, but it's about the Chosen Two, Buffy and Faith. Do we ever really know someone else until we know ourselves?

Timeline/ Spoilers: Set post Season 7, so it will probably include references from the prior 7 seasons. Hope you've seen them by now( all out on DVD).

Rating: R

Legal stuff : You betcha. The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. I'm just borrowing them. Trust me, I'm not making anything on writing this.

Disclaimer: Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Not good for you…ok, well except maybe the last. Everything is fair game, so if something offends you, sorry. I'm not perfect, and I'm not PC. If you don't like the idea of women being in love with each other, this is NOT the story for you. Also, not the story for you if you're birth date is after 1986. Oh, and if you're heavily religious? This story probably won't appeal to you either. Ooops.

-1-

Willow groans quietly and awakes. Her eyes feel gummy, and she has a foul taste in her mouth. Squinting, she looks around.

_Mmmm… Where am I? Still dark. When's Kenny getting back? Did she go to another party._ Willow sits up, and as the cobwebs clear in her brain, she realizes she's not in Brazil anymore. _Damn, that's right. In Paris. With Buffy. _She looks over, and notices Buffy's side of the bed is empty. _Huh?_ She puts a hand on the mattress. It's cold. _Hasn't been to bed. What time is it?_ She looks around and notices the alarm clock. _Midnight? Where is she? Not patrolling. She doesn't do that anymore. Least that's what she told me._ Willow swings her legs over the side of the bed, and gets up. She hears a noise in the next room. _What? Is she sleeping in there? I thought we had this settled. I better go get her before she wakes up with a sore back and a sore mood._ Willow slips on a robe and slippers, and pads over to the doorway. She opens the door quietly, and notices the front room is dark. Only the moonlight coming through the French windows illuminate the scene. She looks over at the settee, and sees Buffy sitting on it. She's hunched over a little, and seems to be rocking.

Willow is about to walk over when she hears a sob escape from Buffy. _She's crying. Poor baby!_ She notices Buffy has her hand in her mouth, as if to suppress any noise. She stands there a moment, quietly watching her. The rocking is actually shaking._ She's trying to be quiet. That's why she's in here. She doesn't want me to know she's crying!_ Willow feels her heart go out to her. All her instincts, all she feels for Buffy, want her to go over and hold her, soothe her and try to comfort her. But she also respect's Buffy's privacy. It's hard, but she quietly slips back into the bedroom. She feels her own tears well up, thinking about her crying._ She's been acting so brave, pretending what happened doesn't matter to her anymore. But it does, it still does. I just wish I could do something to help. Yeah, like what, Will? You're so good at dealing with broken hearts. Nearly destroying the world when your heart broke. Yeah._

She hears some sounds from the sitting room, and realizes that Buffy is probably going to be coming into the bedroom soon. Not wanting to confront her, not when she's so upset, Willow quickly slides back into bed, and pulls up the covers. She pretends to be sleeping.

She hears the door open, and footsteps softly cross the bedroom floor. The bathroom door opens and closes, and she squints through lowered eyelids, and sees the bathroom light come on. She hears the water running.

Buffy is in the bathroom for a long time. When she exits, Willow sees through her lidded gaze that Buffy has changed into her nightwear. She feels her slip into bed, and start to settle in. Willow grunts, pretending to half wake up.

" Hey, " she says softly.

" Sorry, Will. Had to pee. Didn't mean to disturb you."

" 'S ok. Just getting home?"

" Are you nuts? It's midnight. You've just been sleeping like the dead."

_She's lying. She's been out and lying about it. Why?_

" Yeah, I guess, " Willow agrees, avoiding direct confrontation for now.

Buffy turns towards Willow." Hey, sorry about today. Didn't mean to run your feet off. Wasn't thinking too good, I guess. I was just so happy to see you and all…"

" Hey! It was fun, just… well, I guess jet lag caught up with me. But It was fun, really, " Willow reaches over and touches Buffy's cheek, " why the somber face? Is everything ok?"

" Huh? Oh, guess your jet lag just caught up with me too, " Buffy smiles, a little tightly, " I'm just feeling tired."

" You sure?" Willow probes, trying to find the reason for the tears. Though she feels she already knows the answer. _Starts with F, I'm thinking._ " If you need to talk about anything…"

Buffy smiles, genuinely this time. " Subtle isn't your strong suit, is it Will?" Buffy teases her. " I wasn't thinking about her, honest." _Liar! _" Like I said, just kinda tired. Be all bright eyed and well… let's hope no tails grow over night…"

" Buffy, really, you should…"

" Sleep, and so should you. If you think you were tired today, wait til I get done with you tomorrow, " Buffy cuts off the train of thought, " Night, Will." She rolls over, turning her back on Willow.

" Night, Buffy, " Willow says softly. She stares at Buffy for a moment. _Why won't you let me in? Why won't you tell me what's going on? Please, Buff, I want to help._

They lay there quietly side by side for awhile. Willow listens to the sound of Buffy's breathing, trying to sleep. But her big brain is worrying overtime, trying to get a handle on why Buffy is so closed about this. Finally, she feels herself just starting to drop off when a hand gently touches her.

" Will, are you still awake?" Buffy asks quietly.

Willow murmurs something unintelligible, trying to claw her way back to consciousness.

" Never mind, sweetie, " Buffy says, and rolls back over. She snuggles deeper into the bed, and is soon softly snoring.

Willow lies staring at the ceiling, wide awake.

-2-

Faith stands by the window, staring out at the city at night. She holds her cigarette out the window to keep the room from smelling like smoke. Her face looks grim, her eyes tired.

She gave up sleeping awhile ago. Every time she shut her eyes, she saw that look in Buffy's eyes. A look of need, of want of desire. As if she could find the answers in Faith's eyes.

_Shit, girl, don't even look at me for answers. What the hell do you want from me, anyway? I don't even know you. How am I supposed to figure out what you need? I don't even know what _I _need ! But one thing I do know, it's not you. Get it? It's really NOT YOU!_

Faith wonders what made Buffy come into her club tonight. _What does she want in a club like that, anyway? Ok, I know she didn't know it was cross- dressing, but she did know it wasn't exactly ' straight' either. Not her kind of place, come down to it. Thousands of clubs in Paris, and she's gotta choose that one! It's like she has some homing beacon implanted in that tiny brain of hers, and every time she gets within range, she's there, sticking her nose in my life. God, what did I ever do to deserve this, anyway? I went to prison, wasn't that enough? Do I have to pay and pay all my life? She makes me fucking crazy! Why won't she just go away?_

Faith carefully crushes out the cigarette in the ashtray, then sets it back on the small table. She sits on the windowsill, watching the light traffic moving through the city. _I've gotta think sometimes that there's something bigger behind this. That something keeps shoving her back into my life, usually at the worst times. I can't get it otherwise. How can it be that she just keeps coming back? Thing is, what's going to happen now that she's here? Is she staying in Paris? God, no, please! I love it here. Do I have to … shit, I hate this whole thing. I was just getting settled here. Things were starting to get good. Sure, not loving the job, but it's work, and when the permit comes through, I'll get something else. Everything seemed to be clicking. Is that over now? If she stays, man, I can't stay. I don't know what it is, but just knowing she's here will fuck me over, royal. Never mind she gets all moony eyed over " Remy"._

She sees it again in her mind's eye. She sees Buffy walking to her. Looking at her, as if looking deep into her. She feels it, how it felt, watching as she tried to see her under the mask. How she seemed to see something; something she needed, or wanted to see. How she came up and put her hand on Faith's chest

" Somebody hurt you, pretty bad. I can tell. But I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't hurt you."

_What was that about, huh? You think you can hurt me, B? Any worse than you already have? You'd never hurt me. That's a laugh. Ever since I've known you, Buffy, you've hurt me. And you just keep coming at me. You think you know me, don't you? You think you know what I feel, don't you? You don't know me at all, B. I fooled you. You don't have a clue who " Remy" is, do you? You don't know that, do you?_

" Oh, I think I do." Buffy says quietly. " I really think I do."

_You don't know shit, B. You thought I was some poor sap, thought I was bewitched by you. You thought you had me, just wiggle your fingers and here I come a pantin'. Well, you got it way wrong, B. I got you. For all your looking, for all your searching, you couldn't see me behind the mask, laughing at you. Making you the fool this time, B. You know nothing!_

Faith remembers the rest. Buffy coming up to her, putting her hands on Faith's shoulders, and kissing her. A small kiss, not much more than friendly. She barely lingered and then it was done. She said goodnight, and walked away, and somehow again, she got Faith. She got her again, by not even trying. Faith can still feel her lips, can still taste them. She can't sleep, because she can't put that moment out of her mind!

_STOP IT!_

Faith, disgusted with the whole situation, and especially herself, throws herself on the bed. She stares up at the ceiling.

_Not your mommy, B. Not my deal to protect you. You wanna be a dope, don't let ME stop you. Wanna play games, I'll play games. Done with this feeling sorry for you. You're not a baby, you're not a little girl. You're supposed to be an adult. If your too stupid, or too blind, or too whatever to look beyond the mask, that's YOUR fault. All bets are off. If you break your heart, it's not me gonna save you!_

_Not even gonna try!_

-3 –

( Author's note. To prevent having to translate long passages into French, **Bold text** will be when characters are speaking in French. Thanks for your patience.)

" Buffy, are you absolutely sure about this?"

Willow looks at the entrance to Les Masquer with some uncertainty. It certainly isn't anything like The Bronze, or any of the clubs she's used to hanging out at. Willow tends to be rather conservative in her choice of social venue, preferring straight clubs and those gay clubs that weren't outrageous. This place, from the front at least, had a vibe of being somewhat outrageous. She looks back at Buffy with some puzzlement in her eyes.

" What?" Buffy protests, innocently, " I thought it might be fun. It looks like fun. I mean, look at the flyer. It advertises a place to take off the masks and be yourself. Isn't that a cool place to be? " she shrugs as if not understanding the subtext, " I mean, wouldn't be the kind of place that's open … you know, not all uptight about sexuality and all that stuff?"

Willow cocks her head, an odd expression on her face. " Buffy, what's the deal? I mean, it's not like I go cruising or anything… not in straight bars, anyway. My being gay? Really not an issue; I don't go around making a point of it, you know. I'm usually pretty comfortable no matter where I wind up. But…" she watches the patrons entering Les Masquer" … there's something weird about this place."

" Weird?" Buffy smiles, " What's weird? Aw, c'mon, Will. Where's your sense of adventure? I mean, how weird could it be, after Sunnydale? It's not like it's a demon bar, or anything…" she raises a brow, " … you think?"

" Of course not. But… oh, ok, what the heck. You're right I guess. I'm being silly, " Willow shrugs. She looks again at the line of Patrons waiting to get in, " but…" She leans in towards Buffy, whispering conspiratorially, " Some of the women in line? I don't think they're women!"

" Huh?"

" I mean, look at them, Buffy. The really outrageous makeup? The wigs? Oh, and look at their hands. I mean, c'mon, they could play basketball with those hands, some of them…"

" Meeeooow" Buffy chides Willow.

" What?"

" Being just a little catty, aren't we?"

" No, just pointing out the obvious…" Willow looks at her, her expression growing suspicious, " Buffy, why did you want to come here, again?"

" Why the third degree, Will?" Buffy says, getting a little uneasy, " I told you, I saw the flyer, thought it'd be fun. No big."

" 'K, " Willow says, but not letting her off the hook," just, I saw other flyers from other clubs closer to your place. Places that looked like it'd be fun to go to. Just wondering why here?"

" Willow, if you'd rather go somewhere else, just say so. We don't _have_ to go here, you know."

Willow's mouth starts to work, wanting to get some answers from Buffy about last night, when she was crying on the settee in the front room. _What was going on with her? Why she's been distracted all day? _But she couldn't find a way to put it without making it seem she was grilling Buffy, and she didn't want Buffy to get all bent and then go home, and maybe sneak out later. Somehow she felt this club was involved, why else come here, especially?

And maybe, she was feeling a little hurt. _I've been Buffy's best friend for … god, forever. Something's going on, I know it, but she's being all tight-lipped about it, and … why? Doesn't she think I'd get it? Or doesn't she trust me anymore? Is it something she's ashamed of? Why won't she talk to me?_

All this passed through Willow's mind in a second.

" No, no point in going somewhere else now, Buffy. We're here, and almost at the front of the line," Willow looks at the entrance again, " So, this is the first time you've been here?"

" Yes, Will, first time. Like you." Buffy sounds a little annoyed. _Or defensive?_ Willow thinks to herself.

_Ah, geeze, why'd I say that? God, what if someone recognizes me? What do I say when Remy comes to the table… if he's on tonight? Damn!_

" Uhhh, Will… I gotta tell you something, " Buffy starts to confess, but is interrupted by the hostess at the door.

" **Good evening. Welcome to The Masks. We have live music tonight by The Chopped Frogs…**

" Will, really, there's something I have to tell you…" Buff tries to get Willow's attention. She starts to pull her over to the side, away from the hostess. " … it's really important."

" Ah, non, Mlles. I really need to take the cover… AH! It's the joli blond from last night. Hello, again. And you brought a friend! Marvelous. She … my, she looks so pretty tonight, like yourself. You must tell me how you do it, yes?"

Buffy, realizing she's busted, feels the blush start to creep up her neck.

" Last night?" Willow queries, eyebrow raised. " She was here last night?" She addresses the hostess.

" Oh, yes. I remember her well. I thought then how natural she looks. So…well, you can see for yourself. You too, my dear. But, enough beauty talk, I do need to collect the cover charge from you. That'll be 10 Euros each, si vous plais!"

" Let's go, Will. Obviously the woman is crazy! I've never been here before in my life, " Buffy acts indignant," You are so wrong. I've never been here!" Buffy starts pulling on Willow's arm, trying to get her out the front door… where she can try to explain, or cover, or whatever she can get away with.

Willow shakes her off, looking at her with tight lips and a " who are you?" look. She walks to the hostess, pays the cover, and walks into the club. Buffy, realizing she has no choice, starts to follow . The hostess, six feet tall without heels, blocks her way.

" Sorry, cher, but I really need to take the cover from you, " She says, a little sorrowfully. " I didn't realize your friend didn't know you'd been here before. My apologies… but…" She shrugs.

Buffy looks at her, not intimidated at all by her size. Heck, she's taken out demons a foot taller and maybe 200 pounds heavier. But the point is to get in the club and go after Willow, not create a scene that would get her kicked out of the club. She hands over the cover, and walks in the club, looking around to see where Willow went.

She sees Willow standing by a table off the dance floor, talking to a server. When the server leaves, Willow starts to look around the room , taking in the atmosphere. There is a quizzical look on her face. Buffy has a sudden urge to run. _Total mistake. Why did I bring her here? Why did I pretend I'd never been here? What the hell was I thinking… or was I even?_

Willow's gaze comes to rest on Buffy, and her eyebrows go up, her mouth a tight little bow. The expression clearly says " Well, are you going to stand there all night? Don't make me come get you!" She crosses her arms over her chest.

Buffy, whipped, slinks over to the table. Like a little girl caught with her hand stuck in the cookie jar, she sits down, withering under Willow's gaze. Willow sits next to her.

Willow doesn't say anything . She just keeps gazing at Buffy, her mouth tightly closed.

Buffy tries to bluff it through, hoping that Willow will just let it go. But as the silence lengthens, she feels herself starting to get wiggly in the tummy, her butterflies turning into bats. Her fingers tap nervously on the table, and try as she might, she can't look Willow in the eyes. She focuses on the band, hoping Willow will just stop looking at her. Buffy glances at her out of the corner of her eye, and Willow is still looking at her, waiting. Buffy feels her throat get dry, wishing she had something to drink. Lots of something to drink. She glances over when Willow's drink arrives, gazing longingly at it. She turns away, feeling a little bead of sweat break out on her forehead.

" Ok, ok, I'm sorry!" Buffy breaks finally, not able to stand it any longer. " I was here before. Last night. I came because I saw the flyer when we were out, and I snagged it. I saw the part about being the real you, and I wanted something to find the real me. God, Will, it's been so … I've been so off these last months. I… I've tried to get over her, put her behind me, tried to convince myself it was a case of temporary insanity. But I just can't let her go. I … I didn't have anyone to talk to, you weren't here. You were in Brazil. I know I should've called, but after L.A. what I said to you, I couldn't … I was ashamed! God, then there was the sheet incident yesterday, I was so embarrassed. I … that happened when I dreamed about her… what I wanted … shit. I don't get this Will. Am I gay or something? I mean, what's going on with me? I didn't know, I don't know! So I came here, thinking it might be like… well, you know, a gay bar, or something. But I found out it was a cross dressers club. Ok, really embarrassed and confused now.

" But that's not the half of it. When I was here, I met someone, Remy. I don't … it was like I knew him already, ever get that feeling? Something about him just felt right, you know what I mean? He was charming and sweet and we danced and Goddammit if I didn't nearly wet my pants when he held me close! And, the weird thing is, while he seems so familiar, he's mysterious. He's hiding something I can tell it. I think it's some love he lost out on, something that really hurt him. I was feeling so sorry for him… and he looked so lost… and I kissed him… and I thought my heart was going to explode out of me! I can't remember feeling like that…except with Faith… and I … oh hell…" Buffy feel her eyes stinging; she bites her lip to hold back the tears.

" I got home, and I was on the settee, and I was thinking about Remy, and Faith kept popping into my mind, and I started crying; god I'm such a baby! But I was so confused. I didn't know what was going on. Here I'm carrying this torch for her, and then he walks in and sneaks right into my heart and now I don't know what to think or feel or what! All I knew was I had to come back here. With you, so I could get your opinion of him. But I didn't want you to know what I'd been doing … I'm so stupid! Dumb, dumb, god I'm a moron!" Buffy lays her head on the table, sighing and wishing she could just disappear.

Willow reaches out and strokes Buffy's hair. Her expression has changed to one of sympathy. Buffy had been acting off all day. She was distracted, and there were too many times when she seemed on the edge of saying something, only to bite her tongue and change the subject. Willow felt the vibe, wanted to broach the subject, but didn't dare. She was afraid Buffy would clam up or worse, lie. So she just waited, and waited… and nothing. Then Buffy pulled out the flyer for this club; Willow could see it wasn't Buffy's usual type of haunt. Or hers, for that matter. It didn't make sense, but she went along with the plan to ' check it out' . She felt there must be something going on. Now she knew.

" I'm sorry, " Buffy says, looking up at her, tears not shed brightening her eyes, " I should've told you."

" Yes, you should've, " Willow agrees, then softens it a little, " I mean, Buffy, I wish you would've. Don't you think I noticed? You were preoccupied all day. I was worried, thinking something bad had happened! I wanted to say something, but the vibe wasn't right. I didn't know what to think!"

" Something bad did happen, " Buffy mumbles.

" What? You mean, meeting someone else?" Willow takes Buffy's hand in hers. " Honey, that's not bad. I think it's good, don't you?"

Buffy looks at her, misery and confusion written all over her face.

" Buffy, honey, " Willow continues, " why so glum? This could be the start of something very nice for you. I mean, don't you think you deserve something nice?"

Buffy shrugs.

" Still punishing yourself, aren't you? Over the Faith thing?" Willow sighs, " Buffy, not going to say what you did was smart, or even right. I think you should've talked to her, told her how you felt. That would've been the adult thing to do."

" Yeah, like I'd ever do that!" Buffy grins lopsidedly.

" Still, crazy as it was, the idea was right. You were trying to express your feelings for her… in a rather bizzaro way, but … " Willow shakes her head and sighs at the remembrance of that night. " Uhhh… look what I'm saying is that you've got to stop punishing yourself over it, and move on now."

" I've tried, Will. I really have. I've tried to forget her, put her out of my heart, but it… I just can't. I just can't seem to get her out my head, my dreams anything!" She looks pained, " when I think about her, I still … I ache!"

" That's cuz you're not really dealing with what your feeling, Buffy. You're trying to tell yourself that what you felt wasn't real. But that's just not so. It was real, very real for you. You've got to acknowledge what you feel, look at it, accept it, and then let it go. " Willow squeezes her hand, " you know you have to let it go, right?"

" What if I don't want to let it go?" Buffy says quietly. " What if I can't?"

" Buffy, you've got to face reality. You and Faith? Just not going to happen. Ever"

" WILL!"

" Buffy… you said it yourself, more than once. She doesn't feel like that for you. And probably, never will. You've got to accept that, and try to move on. It hurts, I know, honey, but you got to!"

" Easy to say, Will, " Buffy says, a little bitterly, " I mean, who have you ever wanted that could resist your Willowy charms?"

Willow stares at her, an urge to slap her rising strong in her heart. _God, Buffy, are you really that blind? You can't even see… moron!_ Willow doesn't say anything, but just stares at her.

Buffy senses Willow's sudden anger, and misinterprets it. " Sorry, Will. My bad. Strike that. Or, better, let me strike Kennedy, ok? I promise, the bruises won't show."

Willow almost has to laugh. _How can you be so clueless and so utterly sweet at the same time? God, sometimes I want to slap you silly, then kiss all the boo-boos. WILLOW! Don't go there, there lies pain and more heartache. God, listen to you, lecturing Buffy on letting go. You're such a hypocrite!_

" Buffy, " Willow says gently, " I'm just wanting you to be happy. I know your feelings for Faith aren't bogus, but honey, what good is it doing you pining away for her? I love you, you're my best friend. Eating yourself up like this isn't going to make it happen. Nothing probably will, not if you're right in your belief of her feelings. Buffy, I don't want to be cruel, but you've got to stop this, and let her go. Move on, and give this Remy a chance. Otherwise, you're just going to be unhappy."

Before Willow can duck or stop her, Buffy leans over and kisses her on the cheek. She puts an arm around Willow's shoulder, and smiles at her.

" No wonder I love you, Will. You're … god, best friend doesn't even cover it. " Buffy leans closer to her, her face barely inches from Willow's. " Why can't I find someone like you? Someone sweet and wonderful, who knows me like you do, who cares about me like you do?" For a moment, a brief moment their eyes lock.

" **Good evening, Ladies. Are you having a good time? My name is Remy, and I would be happy to be of service to you tonight.**"

Willow and Buffy break apart, the moment broken. They look up at Faith, who is dressed differently tonight. Still wearing the bust binder and other ' accessories' she is wearing a black turtleneck sweater and dark, loose fitting trousers. She smiles at them.

Buffy seems to light up, as if a thousand candles were glowing from within her. Her smile is bright and full, and genuine.

Faith, seeing her light up, in a moment of epiphany , suddenly gets it. Gets it all. She feels if she's been struck by lightning.

She backs away, feeling her gut tighten up. Her nerves feel all jangle-y and edgy. For a brief moment, she loses her cool. She loses that native self confidence that carries her through any situation. Not knowing what to do, she freezes.

" Remy!" Buffy almost sighs, " Hi, remember me?"

Faith doesn't respond, can't respond, for a moment.

_Oh, god. It's true. She loves me. That's… ok, that's just nuts! But… that means she loved me back in L.A. too? Because god, she looked the same way, I get that now. I didn't see it then… but I get it now. I thought Red was delusional… but… this is INSANE!_

"Ah, yes, the joli blonde… Bouffy? Yes, I remember you," Faith recovers enough to keep up her act. " Hello, again. I see you have brought a friend with you?"

" Yes, my oldest and bestest friend, " Buffy smiles, " Remy this is Willow. Will, Remy". Buffy makes the introductions.

"** Good evening, Remy, I'm very pleased to meet you.** " Willow says in perfect French. She smiles up at Remy.

" **Ah, how charming. You speak French! **" Faith, scrambling to pull herself together, replies, " **So, how are you enjoying Paris? Have you been here long?**"

" **I just arrived a couple of days ago. I love what I've seen so far, **" Willow gives Remy the once over, starting to assess him. Her nose is twitching , _something just doesn't seem right here. What is it?_ "** So, Remy, tell me something about you. Is Paris your home? Were you born here?**"

" **Yes, I was**" Remy/ Faith replies briefly, slightly distracted.

_Gotta get out of here. Gotta think. This isn't good, and Red's grilling? Not helping!_

" Hey, guys, remember me? The moron that can't speak French? Ummm… think we can switch to English for awhile?"

" Sorry, Buff, " Willow blushes a little.

" Ah, pardon, Bouffy. My manners, how rude!" Faith is looking for some way to escape. Her stomach is doing jumping jacks.

" Buffy."

" Eh, pardon?"

" My name is Buffy, Remy. Not Buffet" Buffy gently teases him.

" Ah, yes, Buffy. Sorry, ma cher. " Faith looks around. " Ah, can you excuse me ladies? I fear my boss seems to want me for something." Without waiting for a reply, Faith hurries off towards the bar.

Buffy watches 'him' leave, her eyes a little dreamy, a small smile on her lips.

Willow watches ' Remy ' leave, her face no where near as enraptured. Her brows are furrowed._ Ok, what is it? Why doesn't 'he' seem to be genuine? What's bugging me?_

" Well, what do you think?" Buffy asks breathlessly, turning to Willow.

" Ummm… not really much to think, yet, Buffy. I mean, I just met him. Don't know anything about him, do I?" Willow pauses. " Do you?"

" Huh?"

" I mean, you met him last night, right? Ok, I'm all with the _Wuthering Heights_ romantic stuff enough to believe in love at first sight, and all. But what do you really know about him?" She sees Buffy's crushed little expression." I'm not saying he's not a good guy, but gosh, Buff. You've got that look… that lost- puppy- will –you- love me look. And I don't want you to get hurt, is all."

" I so do not!" Buffy protests. " Do I? " she thinks about it . " No, I don't! That's just silly!"

" Buffy, Will here. Know you better than anyone. You got that look."

" Oh, god, " Buffy blushes. She looks at Willow beseechingly. " Do you think he saw it?"

" Buffy, when you saw who it was? You light up like a searchlight, " Willow teases her, " he'd be blind not to see it."

" Oh god, " Buffy repeats, " I used to be so good at this." She mumbles the last to herself.

" When was that?" Willow hears her.

" Thanks, Will. Moral support, so glad my friends give it to me!" Buffy snaps. Then blushes. " Sorry, didn't mean that."

" Buffy, I'm just … look, Buffy, what do you know about Remy?"

" He's sweet, and charming, and I know he's had a broken heart, and I know I like what I feel in his arms, and that he's a gentleman, and has manners… unlike some at this table."

" What's his last name, Buffy?"

" What?"

" His last name? Where does he live? What does he do for fun? Where do his parents live? Or are they alive? Does he have any brothers or sisters?"

" What's with the _20 Questions_, Will?"

" It's just you're getting all tied up so fast, Buffy, and I just want to know what you know about Remy."

" I know what I need to know, " Buffy says, defensively.

" Really?"

" Yeah, really!"

" Parker Abrams."

" HUH?"

" Parker Abrams. Remember him?"

" Yes! What does Parker Abrams have to do with anything?" Buffy feels irritated.

" I seem to remember a certain blonde slayer who got all hurt when Parker Abrams turned out to be a shit heel. Seems she thought he was just so… so. Know what I mean?"

" God, I was a freshman in college, confused and … geeze, Will, Remy's nothing like him!"

" Uh-huh, " Willow says, " Why am I getting this " fake" vibe off him, then?"

" WHAT?"

" Something about him just doesn't jive, Buff."

Buffy stares at Willow, then leans back, a little smirk on her face.

" What? " Willow is thrown a little by her expression.

" you're jealous!"

" What the hell? Where do you get that, Buffy?"

" Oh, c'mon. it's pretty obvious, Will. I mean, you just broke up with Kennedy…"

" Didn't break up. Taking a break. Difference, Buffy."

" Whatever! The point, you're having troubles with Kennedy, and now you don't like I'm finding someone. That's it, isn't it?"

" That's… I'm not even going to dignify that with a response!"

" Cuz you can't. Cuz it's true!"

" You… you're nuts, Buffy! I'm just watching your back. I don't want to see you get hurt… _again_!"

" What's that supposed to mean?"

" You know what I mean! Must I list the ways? Angel, Parker, Riley, Spike…"

" HEY!"

" … Faith!"

" Shut up!"

" Truth hurts, Buffy?"

" Truth? Want truth? What about you and oh… Xander?…"

" That was 10th grade, Buffy."

" Oz… twice!"

" Buffy!"

" and now, Kennedy. What's the deal with her, anyway? If you're so good at picking them, Will, why're you here, sitting in a club with me, and _not_ in Brazil? Why is that, exactly?"

"I'm beginning to wonder about that myself, " Willow's voice grows cold. She stands. " Maybe I should just leave."

Buffy realizes that she crossed a line. _Good, Buffy. Lose your last friend, why don't you?_

" Willow… I'm sorry, really. I just… I want you to like him so much, because I'm liking him… don't you see? Please, don't leave…"

Willow doesn't sit. She stands looking down on Buffy.

" Maybe I'm thinking this was a mistake."

" Maybe you're right. We'll leave…"

" No, I mean me coming here. To Paris. Maybe I should go back to Brazil."

" Willow, please, don't leave! I need you here! I'm don't know what I'm doing here…"

" I couldn't agree more, Buffy. You don't!." Willow nods at Buffy. " You're going to rush headlong into something that you haven't figured out yet, and then when it breaks apart, and you're in tiny pieces, I'm going to have to Hoover up the mess."

" Willow, " Buffy looks stricken, near tears. " Why're you doing this?"

" Because, Buffy, someone has to . You won't do it yourself. You don't stop and think, you just plunge in, hoping it all comes out ok. It doesn't, Buffy, then you're friends are left with the fallout."

" What friends?" Buffy stands up, her face red. " Not seeing any here!"

" I'm your friend, Buffy. Only a good friend would tell you this. Someone who gives a damn."

" Uh-huh, right, " Buffy's voice gets dangerously low. " Got it. " She moves away, walking towards the bar.

" Where are you going?" Willow says, starting after her.

" Don't. Stay. I need something… Air, a drink, something. But not here… not with you. Stay here!" She turns, walking off.

Willow watches her go. She feels her neck flush, and in frustration kicks the chair, knocking it over. It skids across the floor a little. She goes to recover it. She stops suddenly when she sees who's bringing the chair back.

" What do you want?"

-4-

Faith puts the chair back at the table, then shrugs.

" Retrieving the chair, Mademoiselle. You seem to be angry at it."

Willow sits. She indicates Faith should sit. She does.

Willow purses her lips. " That's not what I mean, and you know it. What do you want with her?"

Faith has been off to the side, trying to figure out exactly that. _What do I want with her?_ Her little epiphany has thrown her off her game. She thought she'd toy with Buffy a little, make her pay for years of misery she gave Faith. She never figured that there might be more to it; that Red had been telling her the truth at the guest house in L.A. She figured it was some game Buffy was playing with her head, again. Like always. The _Gotcha! _game they always played. Or seemed to play. Now she had to wonder. Seeing that look on her face made her realize this wasn't any game. She didn't know how she felt about what Buffy was feeling, but she knew she had to end this charade, now.

" Who do you mean, cher?" That didn't mean she couldn't mess with Willow's head, however.

" Stop it! You know who I mean."

" Ah, the joli blonde? What? I don't want anything with her!" Faith's gaze is piercing, " What's _your_ interest?"

" WHAT? She's my best friend, " Willow is a little shaken, " I'm looking out for her."

" Ah hum, I see, " Faith smirks, " So, it's all friendship. Nothing more."

" NO!" Willow is flustered. Then angry. " Hey, this isn't about me, it's about you. What's your deal, anyway? Buffy is all gaga about you. You've been putting the full court press on her, at least that's what I get from her. So, what's up? What do you want from her?"

" I told you already, nothing. We danced a little, we laughed a little, and we flirted a little." Faith shrugs, " Men and women, they do that, it's nothing."

"It's not nothing! She doesn't think it's ' nothing'."

" I told her last night I don't … how you say? Date the clientele. It's my job to make you feel at the ease, you know?" Faith leans back, crossing her arms over her chest, " that's my job. To make you have the good time. There's nothing more to it than that."_ And that's why you're feeling sick right now, right, Faithy?_

" Who the heck do you think you're fooling?" Willow glares at her.

_Shit!_

" I don't understand?" Faith bluffs. _Shit, does she know?_

" You're not French, any more than I am!" Willow confronts her.

Faith breathes a sigh of relief.

" What do you mean?" Faith acts indignant.

" You've got an accent, ' Remy', " Willow sneers, " I can hear it. You're not from Paris, that's for sure. Probably not France, even."

" So?" Faith shrugs dropping the accent," the patrons, they want their ' hosts' to be French, so I do French, you know? What's the big?"

" You're American!"

" No shit?"

" Hey, brain trust, if I'm not buying it, why do you think the others are?"

" Because they want to. If you haven't noticed, most of the people in here? Aren't French. They come to ogle and look at the ' funny Frenchmen' and maybe find out something about themselves, you know? It's a tourist trap, girl. The others? Regulars, and they like me, and don't mind. So, again, what's the deal?"

" The deal is that my friend is buying your act, hook , line and whatever. And I'm not gonna sit by and watch her get hurt, not by a sleaze like you!"

" She's a grown up. What're you? Her mommy?"

" No. I just watch out for my friends!"

" I think you are, or think you are, " Faith leans in to the table, pushing her masked face towards Willow. " Or maybe, you want to be something more?" She smirks at Willow's discomfort, " Well, here's the deal, Red. I was gonna tell her, the truth. Let her down easy, you know? Or whatever, but I wasn't going to let it go on. Not after…"

" What?"

Faith is looking over Willow's shoulder.

" She's coming. Chill !"

"We're not done here!"

" We are in English." Faith leans back in her chair. " **Speak in French from now on, so she can't ' hear' **"

Willow makes a face. "** Fine.**"

Buffy walks up, clutching a drink. Her face looks as if she's been crying. She looks at Remy, then at Willow, and back again. Her lips tighten.

" What's going on?"

" Nothing, cher. You're friend and I? We were just having the chitchat, is that not so?"

" Right, Buff. We were just talking."

" Right, " Buffy's unconvinced. She sits in the empty chair. " So, Will, is he the axe murderer you thought he was?"

" Buffy!" Willow turns red to her roots.

" Axe murderer? Me? Non! I swear, I'm … oh, you're making the fun of me?"

" Not you, Remy, " Buffy gives Willow a pointed look. " Has she been giving you a hard time?"

" Hard time?" Faith knits her brows, as if puzzled. " Oh, you mean, is she giving me trouble? No, of course not. You're friend has been the perfect Angel." She turns to Willow, as if addressing her. " **See? Covered for you, Red. Aren't you glad?**"

Willow's smile freezes on her face. " **You phony. I don't need your help**"

Faith smiles broadly, " **You're welcome!**"

Buffy looks pained. " Hey, French challenged here. What're you saying? Speak English, please!"

" Ah, cher, it's just so nice to speak to an Americain with such command of my native tongue, " Faith grins at her. " And she wants to practice. So?"

" All he said was " isn't that so, and I said " that's right" Willow goes as if to explain. " Don't worry, not keeping secrets here!" _Liar!_

" **Nice lie, Red. I almost believed you.**"

"** Just shut up, ok?**"

" So, what did you talk about while I was … away?" Buffy sips at her drink, looking over the rim at each, trying to suss out what's going on.

" About you, of course, cher. You're friend, she praises you to the sky. I think that's the right way to say it, anyway."

" Really?" Buffy looks at Willow, " Really?"

" Oh, yes. You friend, she thinks you're the … ummm… la femme fantastique!" She smiles at Willow, " You're friend is quite fond of you."

Buffy's face softens. She turns to Will, and puts an arm around her shoulder. " Will's the best, you know?" She leans in and whispers to Willow, " Hey, I'm sorry acted like a jerk before!"

" Me, too. I … just worry, is all, " Willow hugs Buffy back.

Faith smirks under her mask. _Well, isn't this all candy and flowers?_

" **Smooth move, ' Remy', but you're not off the hook. When're you gonna tell her?**"

" **Tell her what, Red?**"

" **Stop calling me that!**"

" **What?**"

" **Red! I hate that nickname!**"

" **But, it's so _YOU_ **" Faith mocks her. " **Of course, you've always been a little uptight haven't you, Red?**"

" Guys?" Buffy whines a little, feeling left out.

" I was just complimenting your friend on her hair. It's so _RED, _so pretty, don't you agree?"

" Yes, it is " Buffy agrees, not getting it.

But Willow does, and her nose is twitching overtime. She looks at ' Remy' with her head cocked, as if trying to see ' him' from another angle.

" **Oh, goddess. I was wondering what was bothering me. God, the walk should've tipped me. What the hell… you're not a guy! That's what the vibe was. Why I thought something wasn't right. You're a girl! **"

" **Good one, Sherlock. Wondering when you'd get it,**" Faith smirks at her, " **Took you long enough.** "

" **You've got to tell her! Tell her now, or I will! **" Willow frowns. _Oh, god, if Buffy finds out about her sex now, it'll just … no, can't do it. Not now!_ " **Wait, no, you can't. Don't tell her! **"

" **Which? Tell her? Don't tell her? Don't you think she deserves to know the truth?** "

" **It'll just hurt her. No, don't tell her! **"

" **And later? What then? If she finds out on her own… I mean, if things get a little hot and heavy… **"

Buffy looks back and forth, smiling, feeling like she's watching a tennis match. _Why're they speaking French? Can't they just say what they want in front of me? What's going on here, anyway?_

" **You said there wasn't going to be a later. That you were going to tell her everything!**"

" **Ah, no, I said no such thing. I said I would tell her the truth. Including…**" She looks down at her lap, and grins." **What she wants after that… well, that's her choice, isn't it?**"

" **You shit! You promised!**" Willow is fighting hard not to reach over and slap ' Remy'. _Like she'd feel it through the mask!_ She keeps smiling, trying not to let Buffy see her anger. In sugary tones, she continues, " **Why're you doing this to her? What's your game? Why do you want to hurt her? She's really fragile right now… she fell in love with someone back in the states… **" Willow stops dead. She looks at ' Remy' closer.

The lights come on, the door opens, and the bricks fall. Right on her head.

" **You! YOU! It's YOU! **" Despite herself, Willow loses her cool for a second. " **Goddess! I should've seen it. Damn you!** "

" Willow? What's wrong?" Buffy looks at her friend, who's gotten upset really quickly, " What is it?"

Willow almost tells her. Her anger is up, and she's not at all pleased with the game Faith is playing. She turns to Buffy, ready to spill it. Then she looks into her face, and sees that it's not going to fly. That Buffy will only wind up hurt again._ No, won't do it. Won't hurt her. Won't let her get hurt, not again. Not by HER!_

Buffy looks at ' Remy', sitting back in his chair, then at Willow, who's flushed and angry.

" Ok, I've had enough of this!'' Buffy growls, getting angry." You two have been like cats and dogs, all night. What's going on here? Why the game? Tell me, one of you!"

" Nothing, it's nothing!" Willow bites her lip.

" Cher, I think you're friend wishes to tell you something. Something personal. Maybe I should leave?" Faith starts to stand up, but Buffy puts a restraining hand on hers. " Cher?"

" Sit down!" Buffy almost barks. " No one's going anywhere until I say so. I want to know what's going on , and I want to know NOW! "

" Mon Dieu! So forceful! Well, well, " Faith looks over at Willow, who's glowering at her now, " Shall you say, cherie? Or shall I?"

Willow doesn't say anything. She just stares at her, seething.

" No? I guess I must then, " Faith hesitates. She looks at Buffy. _I'm sorry, B. I really am. But better the truth than this…_ " Buffy, you wanted to remove my mask last night, remember?"

" It's ok, Remy. I realize. You … aren't ready … it's good ." Buffy is dying with curiosity, but won't force him.

" Ah, cher, it's time for the truth. I want you to see me, see the real me. Go ahead, remove it." Faith leans in so Buffy can pull off her mask.

" You're sure?" Buffy asks, " I can wait…"

" Do it!"

" It doesn't matter, you know that. I told you, I don't care… whatever… you get that, right?"

" Just do it!" Faith says, growing impatient for this farce to be over.

Buffy pulls off the mask.

Faith braces for the explosion. She closes her eyes tightly, hoping that Buffy won't throw a fit.

She waits. And waits. And waits.

Nothing happens. She opens her eyes, seeing a smiling Buffy staring at her.

_What the hell is going on here?_

" Buffy?" Faith queries, dropping the accent. " Are you ok?" _She's just sitting there, goofy smile on her face. She's not even surprised! What the hell? Did she already know? Is this another one of her ' make Faith sweat' games? Why isn't she hollering? Why isn't she trying to hit me? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER?_

" Buffy? What's wrong with you? It's me, Faith? Why're you sitting there like a moron grinning at me?"

" Oh, no… not at all, " Buffy almost gushes. It's as if she didn't even hear her. " You're… you're so… cute!" Buffy leans closer, kissing her cheek, " I don't understand why you were so afraid, Remy. You're … handsome!"

" REMY! God, are you BLIND? It's ME, Faith! Get a clue, Blondie!" Faith almost shouts at her.

Faith is getting an awful, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She looks over at Willow.

Willow is grinning like the Cheshire cat.

" **What have you done?**" Faith grabs up a glass, looking at her reflection. She sees herself staring back at her. "** What's going on?**"

" **She's seeing what she wants to see,**" Willow smiles at Faith, " **A rather handsome version of yourself. Nice, if I do say so myself **"

" **Nice try, Red. But it won't fly. I'll just tell her the truth. She'll just be pissed at you, too.**"

Willow shakes her head. " **Sorry, she only hears what her heart desires. And right now, that isn't the truth.**"

Faith flushes. " **You're evil ! How can you do this to her?**"

Willow's lips tighten, and her eyes narrow. " **I'm evil? You've got a lot of nerve! What about you? She came her last night, confused, wanting to find something about herself. Because of YOU. Because you hurt her so badly. She still dreams about you, did you know that? She still loves you; who knows why. Even when she thought she was falling for ' Remy', her heart was all confused, because YOU still are in her thoughts, haunting her. She came in here, and you played her. You played her, knowing you were going to tell her the truth, and hurt her again! Worse this time, because at least in L.A. , the hurt wasn't your doing. But this time? You're beyond loathsome!** **You wanted to hurt her again, didn't you? Rub her nose in it. Not gonna happen, Faith. Not while I can help it.**"

To Buffy, Willow and ' Remy ' are just chattering casually. She smiles, thinking it's great they're getting along so well now. _Glad they worked that out!_ She can't take her eyes off ´Remy'. _He looks so familiar. Why is that?_

" **This is helping her? Are you totally insane, Red?**" Faith growls at her, " **What about when the spell ends? You're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, she'll have to face the truth. And it's going to be harder, because of this. Think she's going to thank you for it? Are you really that stupid?**" She catches Willow's expression. " **What? **"

Willow smiles, and Faith feels a chill in her heart.

" **This isn't a mere spell, Faith. I put a penance malediction curse on you. For Buffy, I cast a temporary glamour, until the hex kicked in. Look at the glass again, Faith.**"

Faith picks up the glass, looks at it, and almost drops it. She looks like a boy.

Somewhere, she knows, the gods are laughing.

" **What have you done to me?**"

" **You still don't get it, do you Faith? I didn't ' do ' anything to you but put the hex on you. _YOU_ chose your form. Obviously, you've got some issues to work out.**"

" **Damn you, witch! Fix it, reverse it! Make me right again!**"

She stands up, almost upsetting the table. She grabs Willow and hauls her to her feet.

Willow's eyes go wide, but she doesn't lose her smile.

" **Even if I could ' fix ' you, Faith, I wouldn't. The only way you can break the spell is figure out what's in your heart. Hitting me won't help, you're stuck until you figure it out.**" Willow shrugs. " **Wish I could say I'm sorry.**"

Faith wants to wipe the grin off Willow's face with her fist. Instead, she lets her drop back in her chair. Faith sits down. She notices Buffy is grinning at her like a fool.

" **What's her problem? She's grinning like a monkey.**"

" **She only sees what she wants to see. Right now, I suspect she thinks were chatting merrily away about the weather or something.**"

" **Well, you really screwed up, if you think this'll help Buffy, Red. Frankly, I don't want to see her, or you, or any of the scoobies, again. You can go to hell, and take her with you!** " She stands up, ready to leave. " **You can both rot !**"

" **Then I hope you like the 'new' you, _Remy,_**" Willow chuckles. " **Whatever's going on with you? Involves Buffy. You drop out of her life, well… I guess you'll peeing standing up from now on.**"

"**What're you talking about?** "Faith glares at her." **This is an illusion. I'm still…**"

" **The change becomes reality, Faith. You'll be wearing jockey underwear, _NOT FOR WOMEN_, any time now. Welcome to the _New_****You.**"

Faith is burning in rage. She looks at her hand, so large, so … hairy. She looks up at Willow.

" **I hate you. **"

" **Wish I could care. Thing is , better figure out how you feel about her.**" Willow nods her head towards Buffy. " **Or this is your life… literally.**"

Faith puts her head in her hands.

" Remy? Are you ok?" Buffy asks. The glamour is wearing off. She reaches out, putting a hand on her shoulder.

" Actually, cher, I'm feeling rather sick. I think… I need to go home. Do you mind?"

"Awww… poor baby. Can I help?" Buffy leans over to kiss her, but Faith puts up a hand.

" Cher, please. I might be…ummm… catching. I just need to rest some." She stands up. " Bon soir. it's certainly been an interesting evening." She catches Willow's expression. " Maybe another time?"

" And another place?" Buffy hands Faith the mask, " maybe not here, without the mask?"

"Maybe, " Faith sounds doubtful. She casts an eye at Willow. " That might be nice."

Buffy smiles brightly at him, then stands up. She puts her arms around Faith's neck.

" Cher? I told you, I might be catching!"

" Not a kiss, silly. Just want a hug." Buffy hugs her, laying her head on Faith's shoulder.

Faith holds her arms out, looking perplexed. Slowly she brings them around in a hug. Still looking confused.

" Bon soir, cher." Faith looks over at Willow, and her expression hardens. " **I'll get you for this, Red. Count on it.**"

" **You wish,**" Willow grins at her.

Faith nods at both of them, and turning on her heel, leaves.

Buffy sits down, in heaven. She sighs happily, and looks at Willow.

" Did I tell you? Was I right? Of course I was. He's…" She sighs.

" Yeah, maybe I was wrong, Buff. Maybe he's got potential, after all."

Willow smiles at her little joke.

-5-

Buffy and Willow come down the hallway to Buffy's flat.

Buffy is giggling like a schoolgirl. She's walking as if her feet aren't quite touching the ground. She's feeling happier than she's felt in a long time, and she doesn't want it to end.

Willow's smiling, trying to keep Buffy in her mood. But looking closely, you can see the strain.

She's beginning to wonder if she hasn't made a mistake.

_Maybe I shouldn't have interfered. Maybe Faith was right, just let the chips fall as they will. But I couldn't stand seeing her broken again. But doing what I did to Faith? Will that really help? Maybe I'm trying to force something that shouldn't happen. Maybe I should learn to butt out._

They reach Buffy's door. Buffy is pulling out her key when a figure steps out of the shadows.

In an instant, Buffy's ' on'. She rushes toward the figure, blocking Willow to protect her. She pins the person to the wall.

" Ok, what do you want?" Buffy growls.

" Buffee?" A feminine voice calls out. A familiar voice, sometimes rather irritating, but familiar nonetheless.

" Dawn?" Buffy lets go, and turns the girl around.

Dawn looks at Buffy, her eyes wide. She recovers quickly.

" Nice to see you too, Buffy." Her expression grows serious. " Where've you been? I've been waiting here for hours. Been trying to reach you."

" What're you doing here, Dawnie? You're supposed to be in Rome."

" Can we go inside, please? Been waiting forever, really need to pee."

" Sure, sure, " Buffy says. She gets a sinking feeling in her tummy. She turns and opens the door, letting them in.

" Willow! You're here!" Dawn says, smiling. " When did you get here?"

" Couple of days ago, honey. Been staying with Buffy . She's been showing me Paris."

" Lucky you! I wanted to come, but uh-uh. I had school." Dawn pouts a little. She looks around. " maybe just as well. We'd be sleeping on top of each other. Could you have gotten a smaller place, Buffy? I mean, really. The Council's paying for it, you know."

" I'm sure you didn't come here to criticize my flat," Buffy says, giving Dawn a sidelong glance. " What's going on?"

" Where's the bathroom, Buffy?" Dawn stalls, " I do really need to pee."

Buffy waves vaguely towards the bedroom.

Dawn leaves, and Buffy sits by Willow on the settee. Her brow furrows, her good mood of moments before broken.

" It's probably nothing, Buffy. Probably got a bad grade, and is afraid to tell you. You really do ride her hard about school, you know."

" Only because she's smart, and can do great… when she's not cutting or being lazy."

" Buffy, c'mon. I'm sure she's doing her best."

" No, she's not. She acts like she's still in high school .Giles' is paying a lot for her to go there, because she wanted to go there. Fine, but don't mess around and nearly get kicked out."

" What? When did this happen?"

" Couple of months ago. She pulled some kind of prank, and it backfired, big time. She was this close…" Buffy holds up her thumb and forefinger, " … to getting kicked out. It took some fast talking to keep her butt in school."

" Buffy, I'm sure it's nothing like that. Don't go too hard on her."

" Why not? She's my sister, my responsibility. I'm going to give her hell if she's back in trouble at school again…"

" It's not about school, Buffy, " Dawn enters the room. Her expression is solemn.

" Dawn, what is it?" Buffy sees her expression, and her stomach starts to flop over. " What's wrong?"

She stands and goes over to Dawn. She puts a hand on Dawn's shoulder.

" Buffy, sit down, please." Dawn says softly, " please."

The stomach starts whirling faster.

" I'm fine Dawn. Just tell me. Whatever is , we can fix it."

" No, you really can't, Buffy, " Dawn looks sorrowful. " No one can."

" Dawn, you're scaring me! Tell me, now!"

Dawn turns around, putting her hands on Buffy's shoulders. Her grip is tight.

" Buffy, it's about Angel…"

" Angel?" Buffy's voice has an odd catch in it. " What about Angel?"

" Buffy… something's happened…"

" Dawn…what? What's this about? Tell me!"

" Buffy… Angel's dead." Her voice is almost a whisper.

For a moment, Buffy doesn't react. She stands stunned.

Then she feels funny, as if her muscles are all out of energy. The room starts to darken.

Before she knows what's happening, the lights go out for Buffy.

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

Huh?

Part V

Pairings: Primarily Buffy and Faith, but that doesn't preclude other stuff.

Summary: A story set post " Chosen ". Really rather defies summarization, but it's about the Chosen Two, Buffy and Faith. Do we ever really know someone else until we know ourselves?

Timeline/ Spoilers: Set post Season 7, so it will probably include references from the prior 7 seasons. Hope you've seen them by now( all out on DVD).

Rating: R

Legal stuff : You betcha. The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. I'm just borrowing them. Trust me, I'm not making anything on writing this.

Disclaimer: Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Not good for you…ok, well except maybe the last. Everything is fair game, so if something offends you, sorry. I'm not perfect, and I'm not PC. If you don't like the idea of women being in love with each other, this is NOT the story for you. Also, not the story for you if you're birth date is after 1986. Oh, and if you're heavily religious? This story probably won't appeal to you either. Ooops.

-1-

" Buffy, we really should go in now."

Buffy and Willow are standing at the garden entrance to the Hyperion Hotel. Willow is carrying some flowers; beside their hair, that's about the only color about them. They are both dressed in black. Willow is aware that the memorial service will begin soon. But she's hesitant to hurry Buffy too much.

Ever since that night when Dawn told Buffy about Angel's death, Buffy has seemed a little lost. As if her anchor to reality has been ripped away from her. It's only been a week since they got the news; for Buffy it's seemed like years. _It's strange. I didn't cry for him. Why not? I just can't seem to cry._ Maybe the pain is too deep, too buried in her bones. Maybe she won't or can't accept the reality that Angel's really gone._ It's like he's there everywhere with me. I hear a step, and I turn, expecting to see him. I hear a voice like his, and my heart starts to beat faster in my chest. I see someone that even vaguely looks like him, and I stand there, waiting for him to turn, so I can run into his arms. It wasn't even this bad when we broke up… god, nearly 6 years ago! We moved on, both of us. Why is it like this? Why is it hard to breathe?_

" Buffy, honey? Are you ok?" Willow comes to where Buffy is leaning against the stone arch leading into the garden.

" Yeah, I'm ok, Will. I just … I never really knew this part of his life. His friends, what he was doing. God, you … or was it Giles? Or Dawn? … someone told me he was working for Wolfram and Hart. How'd that happen? What happened here? Where … I just seemed not to know him anymore… and I … I never will now." Her eyes focus on Willow. " Did he go evil? Is that why he went to Wolfram and Hart? I can't believe that. I mean, he even … he reached out to Faith, when she tried to kill him. Why would he go to work for Evil, Inc. ? "

" I don't know, Buffy. I only talked to him on the phone after Sunnydale collapsed. I didn't actually see him. He arranged everything for us by phone. I didn't even really know he was working there. I only learned recently, like you. I heard that he took it over from Wolfram and Hart, it was some kind of concession on their part … for winning? But that doesn't make sense. And it was W&H that sent the horde of demons that killed him." Willow moves to Buffy, putting her arm around her shoulders. " I'm sure there's an explanation … somewhere. Maybe Giles knows something."

" Maybe, " Buffy sounds doubtful, " It was what he wanted. Our lives, separate. I respected that, kept away from him. He had L.A. , I had Sunnydale. It's what was needed, right? It was the right thing to do, wasn't it?" Buffy tries to convince herself of that by saying it over and over. " It was the right thing, I know it. But why does it feel like I've lost something precious? I mean, we didn't really know each other anymore, did we? Shouldn't it be easier to take?" She looks around at the garden, at the building, her expression forlorn. " He's really gone," her voice is just above a whisper.

" Buffy, " Willow feels an ache build in her for her friend.

" I kept hoping that somehow it was all a mistake. We'd get here, and he'd be here, or hiding, or something. But alive. I'd be angry at him, want to hit him for scaring me, but he at least, he'd be alive." She moves slowly into the garden, turning around in it as if expecting to see him in the shadows. " I always expected I'd go first. That he would be there at the last, the last thing I saw before…. This isn't right. He's not supposed to be dead. He's supposed to live forever. I'm supposed to die first." She drops down on the bench by the fountain, as if her muscles lost power. " This is insanity. We weren't together. We haven't been for years and years. I shouldn't feel this bad. We were over years ago. I'm maybe just starting something new, with Remy. I should be sad, but not like this. Not like this…" She looks up at Willow, her eyes dry. They feel grainy and hot. " Why can't I cry for him? I know if I could, I'd feel better. But I can't … It's just this ache burning in me. Burning."

Willow feels her own tears, burning at her eyes, blurring her vision. She's never seen Buffy so devastated before. It was painful to watch her best friend, her almost sister, seem to collapse into herself. She sits by Buffy, encircling her in her arms, laying her chin on her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

At first, neither is aware of the young woman that has come into the lobby from the garden. She, like Buffy and Willow, is dressed in black. Her long brown hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and her wide blue eyes are filled with concern. Dawn is rather worried about her sister. To her, Buffy has always been the strong one; even in the worst times, Buffy has taken charge, taken care of things. It's very strange for Dawn to see her like this: Lost, confused, needing help. It's brought a gentle, patient side out in Dawn. She's taken charge, making sure things were done, all the while taking care of her sister.

She sits on the other side of Buffy, and smiles briefly at Willow. She takes Buffy's hands in her own.

" Buffy, they're nearly ready to start. We should go in now."

Buffy looks up, and smiles. It's genuine, if sad. She reaches out and touches Dawn's cheek.

" Thanks, Dawnie," She gets up, and starts in with Dawn. She stops and looks back. Willow is hanging back in the garden. " Coming, Will?"

" In a minute, Buffy, " Willow says, still standing by the fountain. She seems to be looking off into the shadows.

" Ok, don't be too long. Really like you being with me right now, " Buffy turns, and with Dawn, leaves the garden.

Willow watches the sisters leave the garden and enter the hotel lobby. She waits a moment, then turns back to where she was looking.

" Who's there?" Willow calls out. " I know someone's there." She moves further to where she thought she saw some movement. " Come out, I know you're there!"

A figure dressed in a long black duster emerges from the shadows behind her. Before Willow can move she's been captured, arm around her holding her tight, a hand clamped over her mouth. She struggles to break free, but realizes that she won't be able to break free. She stands still, very still.

" If I uncover your mouth, will you scream?" a soft male voice whispers in her ear.

Willow shakes her head.

" Promise?"

Willow nods.

" If you scream, I'll have to hit you. I don't wanna do that. Promise?" The tone lets her know that he's not kidding.

Willow, wide eyed, panicking a little, nods vigorously.

" Ok, then"

The hand drops from her mouth.

" Before I let you go, I need you to promise to help me."

" W-What do you want?" Willow tries to turn to see who it is, if she knows him, but she's held too tightly to move.

" Promise."

" I … I don't know if I can help you. How can I know if you don't tell me?" Willow's voice is a little shaky. " Please, don't hurt me."

" Not going to hurt you, moron. I just need you to do some of that mojo junk you do!"

_Something's familiar here. Familiar… and weird!_

" Faith?" Willow says, relaxing a little. " is that you?"

Willow finds herself pushed away. She nearly falls, but recovers. She turns around, and looks at her captor.

Faith is definitely not the same person. Even so, there is no doubt it is her… or her brother, at least. _He_ has a heart shape face with deep dimples. _His_ hair is unfashionably long for a man, and is tied in a ponytail. _His_ eyes are a deep rich chocolate color, like _his_ hair. They reflect anger and sadness. Dark circles mar the otherwise smooth skin of _his_ face. _His_ nose is surprisingly delicate, small and straight. _His_ mouth is full lipped and sensual. Currently, it's turned down in a frown.

Willow is taken back a bit by the effects of the curse. She didn't see Faith after that night; evidently, the spell did more than she expected. Faith even smelled like a man. It was eerie… and fascinating. She stares at Faith, trying to see the ' girl' in the man.

" What're you staring at? Quit looking at me like I'm a freak, " Faith's tone lowers, " even if I _am_ a freak." She sits down heavily on the bench by the fountain. She is hunched forward, her hands balled together in her lap.

" Faith, you're not a freak, " Willow says, approaching her, sitting next to her, " you're still you, even in that form."

" You're joking, right? Please, tell me you're kidding. I can't believe you really believe that."

" It's true, though, Faith. Inside you're still you, whatever the outside looks like."

" Maybe, sort of," Faith looks at her." Do you have any idea how incredibly hellish it is to think like a woman, feel like a woman, and then look in the mirror and realize you're not? Every morning, I wake up and see this stranger looking back at me out of the mirror. He's got my eyes, my hair; he sort of has my face. But I don't know who he is. It's not me, I know that. I sometimes came off sort of butch, I know that. But I'm still a girl! I mean, I like being a woman. This body makes me … I don't know. It freaks me, and I feel like a freak, because I don't like the way this body moves, or feels, or any of it. It's strange and awful, and I hate it. It smells different, I smell different. " Faith pushes herself off the bench, starting to pace. " Do you understand any of this? I don't feel like _me _anymore. I feel like a stranger. I used to be comfortable with myself, somewhat anyway. I used to feel good about myself. Now it's just all wrong!"

" Faith you just have to adjust to…"

" Adjust? I have to adjust?" Faith is incredulous, " Dammit, Red I don't_ want_ to adjust! I don't want to ' get used to it'. This isn't who I am. I want _me_ back!"

" Faith it's only until you figure out why you chose this form…"

" Yeah, says you! But how can I trust you after this?" Faith gestures at herself, " For all I know you're lying to me. This might be permanent, for all I know. At least, until you reverse it. " Faith moves over to her, putting her face right into Willow's. " Change it. Make me … ME again!"

" I told you," Willow says quietly but firmly, " _I _didn't make you that way. _You_ made you that way. You're subconscious chose to be a man. Don't you even want to know why?" Willow queries. Faith just glares at her. " I told you this was a curse, Faith. Its power is determined by the target. That's you. Don't you even want to know why you chose to change into a man? Why do you feel you can't be a woman anymore, Faith?"

Faith's face flushes red with anger. " I don't give a rat's patootie about that mumbo jumbo, Red. All I know is I want this over… all of it. Especially the nightmare of knowing you and Blondie. Just change me the fuck back. Lift the curse, do a rain dance, do whatever you gotta do to make me myself again!"

" No," Willow said simply.

" WHAT?" Faith almost yells. She's taken aback by Willow's calm refusal.

" I said, No, " Willow crosses her arms over her chest. Her face is set with a resolved expression.

" Why the hell not?" Faith's voice becomes measured. Her rage is barely suppressed. She walks over and stands close to Willow, almost threateningly close.

" At first, Faith, I admit. I cast the curse on you, simply to punish you for trying to hurt Buffy… again. I certainly didn't expect this" she indicates Faith's appearance, " this to happen. Don't you find it rather odd? That you chose subconsciously to become the one thing that would continue the illusion you started with Buffy? That you chose to be the one thing that Buffy wanted to see? Why?"

" Don't play Freud with me, Witch, " Faith grabs Willow, lifting her bodily off the bench. She holds her up, glaring directly into her eyes. " Either change me back , or I'm gonna…."

" What, Faith?" Willow says, defiantly. More bravely than she's feeling. _Oh, crap! This one kills, remember that Will?_ "What're you gonna do, kill me?" _Right, give her ideas. Good one, Will !_

Faith's eyes go wide, stung more than she cares to admit by Willow's words. She feels anger welling up in her, and resentment. She starts to throw Willow away from her when a voice comes from behind her. Someone grabs her arm.

" Put her down. Now."

-2-

Buffy feels numb. As if her insides have been frozen.

She sits in the back row of seats set up for the memorial service in the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel. Dawn sits next to her, holding her hand and occasionally leaning over to whisper something to her, or check on her. Buffy isn't sure which, because she isn't really paying attention.

She's watching the groups of people scattered about in the other seats. In front is a group of young men, seemingly out of place at the service. They look uncomfortable in the formal clothing they wear. Among them was a blond woman, someone Buffy recognizes from the past. Anne. She seems to have and air of authority and influence over the group; most seem to defer to her. Buffy has to smile. Anne, cum Chanterelle cum Sister Sunshine seems to have made something out of herself. _I've got to talk with her, catch up if there's time after._

Across the row sits a rather nerdy looking fellow wearing, of all things, a purple cape over his black suit. She thought he was just a weirdo until he turned his head and she recognizes his face from pictures she's seen. David Nabbit, billionaire software developer. _Angel knew him?_ Next to him sits a rather skanky, in Buffy's opinion, woman wearing all black leather. _Who's she?_ Next to her sat a young blond woman she doesn't recognize. She's crying rather intensely. Buffy sighs. She wishes she could express her own feelings so easily.

A few rows back sits a woman with rather frizzy red hair._ Obviously wealthy,_ Buffy judges by her clothing. Again, it's someone Buffy doesn't recognize. But next to her is someone Buffy does recognize. A blond woman, with an intense expression, and ice blue eyes. Detective Kate Lockley. The officer who arrested Faith, and tried to arrest Angel when he wouldn't give up Faith. _What's _she_ doing here?_ Buffy wonders. Last she saw of her, Kate had a real jonesing for Angel… a jonesing to watch him turn to ashes and die. _ What changed?_ Even from here, she can see the tears being held back.

Behind them, just a row ahead of Buffy sits a middle aged couple. The woman is obviously broken up with grief. The man is trying to keep it together for her, arm around her shoulder trying to comfort her. From his description of them from one of the few times they got together after he left Sunnydale, Buffy guesses them to be the Burkles. Fred's parents. Despite the emptiness, the lack of feeling she feels, her heart goes out to them. Their grief is obvious, genuine and deeply felt.

But what surprises her most was all the people that turned out to remember Angel. She hadn't realized exactly how many people he and his group had touched , been a help to. A lot of people couldn't find seats, and are standing in back. All here to share memories of him._ I wonder if he knew? Exactly how many people not only remember him, but want to share this moment?_ It makes the numbness she felt inside almost ache. She feels more alone, more alien than ever. She feels out of place, a fraud. _ Why can't I feel what they feel? Why do I just feel so empty, so hollow? _

One person is conspicuously absent. Giles isn't here. _ I know that there was bad blood between Giles and Angel. I don't think he ever forgave him killing Jenny Calendar. Or nearly torturing him to death. Still, we all did work together at one time, for the same thing. He should be here._ Buffy had queried Dawn about Giles, whether he was coming to France, or if he would meet them in L.A. Dawn had been vague and evasive. Buffy now can guess why. _He's not coming. He never planned on coming. He didn't want to be here. I guess he just couldn't let some things go._ Buffy's just glad that Dawn was here with her. And Willow.

_ Where in heck is Will, anyway? She should be here by now. _ Buffy looks towards the garden entrance, hoping to see Willow coming over to sit down. She feels a little guilty saving her a seat, especially when someone glares at her. But she isn't going to sit here without Willow. She looks again, but no joy. _ Where is she? _ Buffy's brow furrows, but she turns away, back towards the front.

She glances over the pictures set up around the speaker's podium up front. Angel's is set in the center, surrounded by the people she worked with. Buffy identifies some of them based upon Willow's descriptions._ There's Gunn, I think that's him. And Fred. Don't know why Willow thought she was geeky. She's kind of cute, in an Audrey Hepburn sort of way. And Wes. God, look at his picture. He really changed. Kind of … rugged and … well, who would've thought it? And Spike… Hold on! Spike? What's Spike picture doing there?_

" Dawn!" Buffy whispers to her sister.

" What?"

" What's going on? Why's spike picture up there with the others?"

" Huh?" Dawn looks at Buffy briefly, then upfront. " I dunno."

Something in Dawn's tone doesn't set right with Buffy.

She grows suspicious. Then irritated. Then just plain angry.

" Dawn," she nearly growls at her sister, " What's going on?"

" Nothing!" Dawn won't look at Buffy.

" Don't ' Nothing' me, Dawn, " Buffy grabs her sister's arm. " Why is Spike's picture up there with the rest?"

" I told you Buffy, I don't know!" Dawn almost shouts it at her.

The people in front of them turn and look at them. Both girls blush. Buffy stands up, pulling Dawn along with her, and hustles her away. Dawn struggles to get away, but Buffy isn't about to let her go.

Buffy notices the office door open , and guides Dawn over in that direction. Nearly pushing her into the office, Buffy follows, shutting the door behind her. She leans against the office door, arms crossed over her chest.

" Ok, Dawn, I want the truth now. What's going on? Why is Spike's picture up there along with the rest?"

" Buffy, I told you already. I don't know!"

" Dawn, you know you can't lie to me. Don't even try. You know, and I want to know. Now!"

" I can't Buffy, I promised." Dawn tries to get around Buffy, but Buffy isn't about to let her go.

" No way, Dawn. You're not leaving til I get some answers. What did you promise?"

" Buffy, please. I promised. I can't tell you!"

" Tell me what?"

" About Spike."

" WHAT ABOUT SPIKE?" Buffy yells in frustration.

"That he was alive, and working with Angel."

Buffy is stunned. She stares at Dawn, her face going white. Red dots appear on her cheeks.

" You knew this," Buffy says very quietly, " You knew Spike was alive, and you didn't tell me? What, you didn't think I'd want to know?"

" Buffy, I'm sorry…" Dawn starts to cry," I'm so sorry. But I learned by accident, and I promised I wouldn't tell you."

" Who was it, Dawn?" Buffy asks, quietly. Deceptively calm.

" Please, Buffy. Be mad at me. But … don't… " the tears are rolling down Dawn's cheeks.

" Shhh… Dawn, honey, it's ok, " Buffy comes over to Dawn, putting an arm around her. " I know it wasn't you. I just want to know who asked you to lie to me."

" Buffy, don't be mad at him, promise me. Don't," Dawn looks at her, pleading with her eyes. "He was just trying to protect you…"

Buffy's eyes seem to go flat. Her expression is tight.

" Giles?"

Dawn nods.

" What else, Dawn? Do you know anything else that Giles is ' protecting me' from?"

Dawn blurts out about Angel and the psychotic slayer, how Andrew took her from Angel, and how he told Angel that it was by Buffy's order that she not be left with Angel… that they didn't trust him anymore. None of them. Also, how Angel and Spike showed up in Italy, wanting to see Buffy, but again, Andrew ran interference… by Giles' order.

" … he didn't mean anything bad by it, Buffy. Really. He just wanted you to be safe. He didn't trust Angel, or Spike, and thought…"

" He thought. He thought he knew best for me. How… typical." There's a bitter edge to her tone." Who else Dawn? Who else knew about this? I mean, besides you and Andrew?"

" Buffy…" Dawn is trembling a little.

" Who. else?"

" Buffy," Dawn screws up her courage, " you know you don't always think things through. You act on your heart, your emotions a lot; sometimes that's a disaster. We were only trying to keep you from getting hurt…"

" Right. Because I'm too stupid to make my own decisions about my own life, right? "

" That isn't what I meant… what anyone meant, Buffy, " Dawn protests.

" Yet, somehow, I managed to get us through, after mom died. You know that _was_ me, right? The dumb blond sister? I managed somehow to get us through…"

" 'Til you died." Dawn's voice is angry and hurt." Til you died and left me alone!"

" What was I supposed to do, Dawn? Let the world end? Let YOU die? Did you forget that? It was our blood needed to end the apocalypse. Should I have let them kill you? That's what Giles wanted to do!"

" I… I don't believe you! You died because you couldn't deal with it, with me. You…" She starts to shake again.

" I died, Dawn, because there was no choice. The world was going to be torn apart. Hell on earth, Dawn. The only way to stop it was with the blood of the key. Your blood… or mine. Ask Giles sometime. He wanted to … he was going to kill you, if need be." Buffy tone goes soft. " He didn't, because he knew I'd kill him if he tried."

" Who cares? The thing is, you died, and left me alone. Mom died, and you died, and I was alone…"

" Alone? God, I wish I were so alone sometimes! You had Giles, to take care of you, and Spike, and Willow…" a thought hits Buffy, hard. She starts toward the door. " Willow. She knew, didn't she? About Spike, and Angel, and all the rest. Didn't she?"

Dawn almost flings herself at the door, trying to stop Buffy. " Don't. Please, Buffy. She just wanted to protect you. She loves you, she didn't want to see you get hurt!"

" GOD! I wish everyone would stop protecting me out of my life!" She sees Dawn's expression. " Don't worry, I'm not going to yell at her, I just want to talk to her." Buffy opens the door. Dawn starts to follow her, but Buffy stops her. " Stay here. I need to talk to her alone."

Buffy emerges from the office. She quickly scans the crowd to see if Willow has come in. _God, what did she do? Leave town?_ Buffy , as quietly as possible, edges around the crowd towards the garden entrance. She hears someone telling about her experience with Angel and Co. ; briefly she wonders why she doesn't stay and listen. _Maybe I just need to say goodbye in my own way, alone. I can't do this right now. I've got to find out what Willow knew. Why she was hiding things about Angel. What was going on._ She quietly slips out the garden entrance to the lobby.

She hears what sounds like a squeak, and looks into the garden. Someone, a man, is lifting Willow off the fountain bench, and holding her threateningly. She quickly moves to behind the man, grabbing his arm.

" Put her down. Now!"

-3-

Faith, startled by being grabbed and the voice, drops Willow back onto the fountain bench. She turns around just in time for her jaw to meet with Buffy's fist.

" Ow!" Willow cries, hitting the stone bench rather hard on her tailbone.

" Ow!" Faith cries, staggered a little by Buffy's punch.

Buffy, on the other hand, gets handed yet another shock today.

" Remy? What're you doing here? " Buffy is surprised and somewhat taken aback. " Why were you … what's going on here, anyway?"

" Uh…uh…" Willow stalls, trying to think fast. " Buffy! Surprise! We… Remy and I, well we knew you'd … well, we thought that maybe it'd be a good idea if he was here. I mean, I talked to him, and we agreed you'd need some support, so he came over too. Isn't that great?"

" Uh- huh, " Buffy isn't buying a word of that story," you can't lie to save your life, Will. Well… It thought so until maybe 5 minutes ago." She turns to 'Remy", and arches a brow. " So, what's YOUR story? Why were you attacking Willow?"

"Cher, let me explain, " Faith starts, then stops. A funny expression comes over her face. " No, fuck that. I'm done playing games. Time for the truth." She shakes her head, rubbing her jaw. " You still hit like a girl, B."

Buffy looks at 'Remy', then looks at Willow, then back to ' Remy'. She feels her anger rising again.

" You're not French! You're American!" Buffy says, realizing how stupid that sounds after it came out.

" No shit, really?"

" Who are you?" Buffy comes closer to Remy. " Why do you look so familiar to me?" She looks at Faith's face carefully.

Faith just smirks at her, and turns to Willow. " Well, Red, I think the ball's in your court now!"

Buffy's eyes go wide. It was the smirk that did it. She's seen it so often…

" FAITH?" She backs up. Stunned is too mild a word for what she feels. " Faith?" She almost whispers it.

" Bingo, Blondie. You got it on one." Faith grins. " You're a lot more observant than I give ya credit for. But then again, Red isn't exactly casting a glamour now, either…"

Buffy stands very still. The only thing moving are her eyes. They go back and forth between Faith and Willow. She frowns, and turns to Willow.

" Ok, I want an explanation, now." Her voice is quiet. Too quiet.

Faith also turns to Willow, her expression expectant.

Willow is trapped, and knows it. She looks at Buffy hopefully, but she sees not sympathy there. She quietly explains her motives to Buffy, going over everything that happened at Les Masquer when they were there, and Buffy removed Faith's mask.

" … I just didn't want to see you get hurt again, Buffy. Not after what happened in L.A. I knew you were still upset over that, and when I found out who ' Remy' was, and that she was planning on unmasking, I just used a harmless glamour to let you see what you wanted to see, " she glares at Faith, " I didn't want her to get away Scot-free with playing you again, so I cast a penance malediction on her. Like Amy used on me, remember? I just wanted her to pay for hurting you, don't you get it? I had no idea this is what would happen!" She looks at Buffy, hoping to see understand or forgiveness.

Instead she sees Buffy looking at her with tight lips, and stone cold eyes. She feels her heart sink in her chest.

"Protect me. Yeah. By lying to me, over and over, " Buffy looks at Willow, then at Faith. " From her, I kind of expect it." She waves at Faith. " She doesn't like me. I'm getting that now, finally."

" B, it's not that I don't like you…" Faith protests. Buffy puts up a hand to cut her off.

" It's ok, Faith. I understand. I haven't treated you really fair over the years. What the hell was I expecting?" Her tone turns a little harsh, " would've been nice if you'd told me the truth that first night, and not played with my feelings. Make me fall in love with you all over again, or at least, have feelings for you. Nice story you told by the way. Really iced the cake, you know? Nice." Buffy nods her head. " But it's not really you I'm angry with."

She turns on Willow. " You, I expected more from, Willow. What were you thinking? Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

" Buffy, I told you. I didn't have time. She was going to unmask, I had to do something…"

" Not about Faith, Will. Though, I'm pretty damned mad about that one, too. No, I'm talking about Angel… and Spike."

"Huh?" It's Faith's turn to be surprised.

" Why didn't you tell me that Spike was alive? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you let me know that both Angel and Spike had come to Italy to see me? Why didn't you tell me the truth, Willow?"

" Buffy, " Willow manages to get out, but seeing Buffy's expression, she looks down at her hands. She really doesn't have a good explanation. Not one she can share.

Faith gets it, however. It suddenly hits her like a freight train. She looks at Willow, and knows.

" No, instead, you lie to me, Willow, " Buffy turns and walks away, wanting some distance between her and Willow. " You hid it from me, to protect me, right?"

Willow doesn't look at her, she just nods.

" You don't have that right. None of you. Not Dawn, not Giles, and not you. I'm an adult, Willow, " Buffy says, feeling suddenly drained . " I have the right to love whomever I want. I have the right to make a fool out of myself. You're not my mommy, Willow. You're not my lover. And, right now? You're not even my friend."

Willow snaps her head up. " Buffy, please! I'm so sorry!" She gets up, and starts to walk over to Buffy. " Please, don't do this. Forgive me, I'm really sorry!"

" Buffy, that's harsh, really harsh!" Faith says, " there were reasons…"

" Don't you even start!" Buffy turns on Faith, " don't you start telling me how to live my life, too!"

"Fine!" Faith puts up her hands, backing off.

" I'm leaving. I think I've had enough of everything for today." She starts to walk away, then turns back. " Well, Faith, at least someone here got their wish. I won't be bothering you anymore. You should be dancing in the aisles." She turns to Willow. " I'm checking out of the hotel, and catch a flight to England. There's someone I need to see there. Then I'll be in Paris again. You can get your stuff then. Ok?"

Willow nods, not looking up.

Faith won't let it go at that. She moves over to Buffy.

" Buffy, you and Red? You've been friends for… years. Are you sure you want to throw it away over this? Can't you find it in your heart to forgive her?"

Buffy looks at Faith, and her expression isn't angry. It's sad.

" We were best friends, Faith. We shared everything. We could tell each other anything, knowing that it was safe. She's like my sister, as close to me as Dawn. But this wasn't just some small lie. Some lie you tell someone to spare their feelings. Like wearing spandex when you're way too fat for it. She took any chance I had to see Spike again away from me. Spike and Angel. She decided she knew better how I should live my life. Ok, I'm not perfect, I grant you that. But when I saw her hooking up with Kennedy, did I try to stop her from doing it? I mean, behind her back? I said I didn't like her, or trust her, but I let her have the choice. It's her life, and her choice. She took that from me. And now, it can never be fixed. It's too late. How can I trust her again? Tell me, and … never mind, just never mind."

Buffy turns, and walks back to the lobby doors. She hesitates a second, realizing her life is going to change. She opens the doors, and walks through them.

Willow sits looking at the ground. All the life seems to have been drained out of her. Faith stands, looking at her.

" So, are you ever going to tell her?" Faith asks.

" Tell her what, Faith?" Willow doesn't even seem to be listening. Not really.

" That you love her. That you're in love with her."

Willow looks up sharply at Faith.

" What're you talking about?"

" God, haven't you learned your lesson yet? It all fits together, all of it. You try to protect her from big bad me. From Spike, from Angel. Why is that, unless you love her? You don't want to see her hurt, because it hurts too much to see her hurt? When are you Sunnydale people ever going to be honest with each other?"

" What does it matter, Faith? She doesn't feel that way about me, " Willow sounds weary, " It's kind of pointless, and would only…"

" Confuse the issue? Hurt her? Didn't she just say something about her right to be hurt, if that's what she wants? But no, you guys are gonna do this merry –go –round forever, aren't you? Never just say what you feel. Just keep lying to each other, " she pauses. And sighs. " Of course, I guess it must be catching, because I haven't exactly been honest with her, either. I guess I need to take my own advice, and own up to my own feelings. Kinda being a hypocrite, huh?"

" Being a little hard on yourself, don't you think?" Willow says, still looking at the ground.

" Guess I gotta be. Who else is gonna do it?" She walks over to Willow, putting a hand on her shoulder. " Cheer up, Red. She'll get over it. She'll cool down, then you and her can go back to playing your don't ask, don't tell games again. She's not gonna throw you away… not after all this time."

Willow shakes her head. " I think this might be a deal buster, Faith. Don't think she's likely to forgive me any time soon."

" Maybe not. Maybe you've learned something though."

" Like what?"

" Maybe not to try to ' fix' everybody's life? Gotta let them just make their own mistakes, act like morons. Then be there if they need help picking up the pieces." She hesitates, then plows on. " So, Red, can you like… I know you're kind of upset, but do you think you can take this spell or curse or whatever it is off now? Kinda pointless, all considered."

" Yeah, of course. I'm really sorry. Another stupid thing I did," Willow looks up, and stops. She stares at Faith.

" Ok, I know I'm a gorgeous guy, Will, but please. You're gay, you know? Get over it!"

" Faith? I think you should go get a glance of yourself in the lobby doors."

"What're you babbling about? I know what I look like. Just fix the spell already, ok?"

" Faith? For once? Just do as I ask, ok?" Willow says. A small grin tugs at her lips.

" God, you and you're games. Sheesh." Faith throws up her hands, then walks over to the lobby doors. She looks at herself, and does a double take. Then she does a triple take.

Faith is Faith again. She's back to her cuddly, sexy female self!

" Whooo hooo!" Faith almost yells. Then she stops, and tilts her head. " Wait a minute, I'm not getting this. I thought you said this would only happen if I figured out why I changed in the first place. Not really getting it."

" I'm guessing you figured it out, Faith. Must have to do with all the being honest with oneself stuff?" Willow says, pointedly. " Maybe you finally changed back to you, because you know what you've got to do now."

"Meaning?" Faith suddenly feels she's not going to like the answer.

" I'm guessing, talk to Buffy. Tell her the truth, the whole truth, about how you feel."

" Shit, " Faith frowns, not liking it one bit. " And if I happen to skip that part?"

" Then you skip it. But I don't think you're going to like the consequences."

" You're not taking off the curse, then?"

Willow shakes her head.

Faith sighs.

" Thought not. Damn." She sighs again. " I really hate you, you know that?"

She leaves, disgusted and upset. She almost got a clean break. Almost.

" Join the club. I hear it's very popular, " Willow says to no one. She sits down, folding her hands together.

Dawn enters the garden a minute later. She finds willow sitting at the fountain, staring at the ground.

" Willow? Will? Are you coming?" She sits next to Willow. " What happened? She's really upset."

" I think right now, Dawnie, it's best if you don't hang with me. Not at least, if you want Buffy to continue talking to you. I don't think I'm on her favorites list." She sees Dawn's puzzled expression." We had a fight. A pretty bad one."

" Don't worry 'bout me. She's barely speaking to me, anyway. More grunts than anything." She puts an arm around Willow. " She'll get over it."

" Don't think so, Dawn, " Willow says, leaning against the younger woman. She starts to cry. " I really blew it this time, Dawn. I really did!"

Dawn holds Willow as she cries out her broken heart.

-4-

Buffy stands alone in the Hyperion lobby. It's later in the evening.

The others are all gone now. Most everything is gone. The only things left are the flowers and the pictures of the fallen.

She walks over to the picture of Angel, which sits center to the rest. She reaches out, and brushes her fingers over his cheek. There is a sad smile on her face.

" Well, look at you. All gone now. You, and Wesley, and the rest. All gone. No one knows what happened, not really. There are rumors that Wolfram and Hart came at you in a big way. Kind of weird, seeing how you were running one of their branch offices. How did that happen, anyway?"

" I really wish you'd called me before you did whatever it was that you did. What got you killed. I so would've liked to at least have had one last chance to hear your voice, talk to you… maybe try to talk you out of it. But I guess you thought I'd turned against you. I've been learning that certain people were telling you things that just weren't so. They told you I didn't trust you anymore, that I moved on, didn't care anymore. At least, that's what I'm hearing. It wasn't true, Angel. Really, it wasn't true. I thought you knew me better than that. Sure, we had our …ok, we fought, ok? But I never stopped caring Angel. Yeah, we weren't together anymore. We moved on. I moved on; I hope you did too. We weren't 'in love" heavy breathing can't keep our hands off each other. But that doesn't mean I didn't care. That I didn't still love you, just differently now. A little more calmly. Maybe a little more distantly. But I still cared."

" Had to go be the hero again, didn't you? You goof, why'd you do it? Oh, I know the others, they thought that Wolfram and Hart changed you, made you corrupt or something. But I know that didn't happen. I know … knew you, Angel. Better than anyone, I think. I know they couldn't get you, not that way. No, you must've done something really big to piss them off. They never found a trace of any of you. Nothing. Always with the big show, huh? Had to just stick it to them, right? Couldn't you've once, just walked away?" She shakes her head, her smile growing broad." No, that wouldn't be you then, would it? That wouldn't be the Angel I know."

Feeling suddenly weary, as if a great weight is pressing down on her, she sits down by the picture.

" You weren't supposed to die first. You know that, don't you? Neither of us was supposed to die for a long time yet. I was gonna go first, you know. I'd be in some hospital somewhere, all alone, because all my friends had died already. I'd be all wrinkly and old, tubes running every which way. Then you'd be there, still so young and pretty. You'd look down on me, and smile. And I'd see in your eyes that you still loved me. You still saw me not as some hagged out old lady, but as I was … when we met. You'd lean over, and kiss me goodbye, and then I would slip away. That's how it was supposed to go." She looks angry. She hits the picture, knocking it over. " Damn!" She scrambles up, putting it back up. " Dummy, why'd you have to go change things?"

She stands silently for awhile, just staring at his picture.

" So now what, Angel? What am I supposed to do now? I guessing you think I'm going to get all weepy and wail-y over you. Well, get over yourself, Angel. Not going to happen!" Buffy's lips tighten, her expression grows harder." I'm so mad at you, I could spit. Why'd you do it? Think it changed things? Look around, Angel. The world's still harsh and ugly and cold. Whatever you did, think it made a difference, really? It didn't… it didn't. So, what, are you special now? God no! We're just plain ordinary people, fighting against something we can't ever stop. Nothing's changed except now we've got one less fighter. So what, did you get your redemption? Are you free now? Are you happy now, that you've really gone away from me? Left me behind? You left and you never even said goodbye!"

Angry, she hits the picture again, sending it flying. She doesn't bother to go after it, she just stands there, fists clenched at her sides.

" Well, goodbye Angel. I'm not going to cry over you. Pretty much see now that you didn't want me to. So I won't!"

She starts to walk away, but then turns back, facing where the picture landed.

" I'm not going to miss you, Angel. I won't! I'm going to move on, just like we agreed, all those years ago. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to go on with my life. Without you. Get it? Don't need you! Don't need you!"

She turns her back, starting to walk away. She gets a few steps, then her knees seem to give out on her. She sits heavily on the floor, in the middle of the lobby. Angry with herself, she starts to get up, but then falls back. The emotional dam breaks, and the tears that wouldn't come, couldn't come, come. For a long while, she just sits there rocking back and forth, crying quietly. She finally regains control, and lifts herself off the floor. She walks over to where the picture is laying, and picks it up. She brings it back to where it was, rights the easel it was sitting on, and places it back in position.

"So this is goodbye, for reals. No going back, no coming back. It's really goodbye." She cocks her head to the side, tears still shimmering in her eyes. " This is what you wanted, isn't it? To finally let me go. This is your last gift to me." She leans over and kisses the picture. " Goodbye, honey. I do love you. I hope you found that peace you wanted."

She stands for a few more moments, looking at his picture. Then she turns, crossing the lobby, up the steps, and exits .

-5-

Buffy rushes around the small sitting room, putting the final touches on her packing.

_God, why didn't I just do this last night? Could've been done and gone by now!_

But that's not really true. Over on the settee is a pile of stuff that doesn't belong to her. It's Willow's stuff. The stuff she left here when they went to L.A. She arranged with Buffy to pick it up this morning.

Buffy looks at her watch, impatiently. _Hurry your ass up, Willow. Not going to wait all day for you. If you're not here in 10 minutes, you're just going to have to fight with the landlady for your stuff._

Buffy's been back in Paris a couple of days. She made a stop off in Britain, and after a huge fight with Giles, has quit the council. She's wrapped up her affairs here in Paris, and is getting ready to return to Italy. After that she's not exactly sure what she's going to do with her life.

But the one thing she knows is, it won't include Giles, or Willow, or the Watcher's council. That's done. That part of her life is over.

And she's pretty sure that Faith is pretty much out of her life, too. _That never would've worked, anyway. We never got along, so I guess this is for the best. Sure it is. That's why you've been all weepy for the last couple of days, huh?_

She looks at her watch again. _Dammit Will. This isn't a hotel. _Out of patience, she grabs her bags, ready to leave. She goes to the door, and wriggling around a little, manages to open it. She almost runs right into Willow, who's standing in the doorway. Shaking her head, she backs up, making an impatient noise.

" Exactly how long have you been standing there, Will? I was ready to leave!"

" Couple of minutes. Sorry, I was just working up the nerve to knock, " Willow says quietly. She doesn't enter, she just stands in the doorway.

" Will, for God's sake, I won't bite your head off!" Buffy softens her tone. " Ok, we're not friends anymore, but I'll be polite, ok? Your stuff's on the settee over there." She indicates with her shoulder, since her arms are full of bags. " Try not to take too long. I've got a plane to catch."

" Thanks, Buffy." Willow moves quickly to the settee, starting to pack her belongings.

A silence descends between them. Very uncomfortable for both, since neither are used to feeling the way they feel. Finally, Buffy breaks the silence.

" Pretty crappy weather we're having, " She says, looking out the window. " looks like rain. Whoever came up with the "Springtime in Paris" crap was pretty full of it."

" uh huh"

Another silence.

" Heard you quit the council, Buffy. What're you gonna do now?"

" Dunno. I'll figure something out. Live like a civilian, I guess."

Silence.

" What about you, Will?"

" Giles wants me to take Europe, now that you're leaving. I dunno, though. Not really looking forward to it. But…" She shrugs.

" Right"

Silence.

" I need to say something, Buffy."

" Go ahead, Willow."

" You're not going to like it, considering how you feel. But I've got to say it."

" Just say it, Will. Don't make a production out of it!"

" Fine!"

" Fine!"

" I love you, Buffy Summers. I'm in love with you."

Long pause.

" I know, Will."

" Huh?"

" I said, I know Will."

" Yeah, I heard that. Just… how did you know?" She turns towards Buffy.

" I'm not stupid, Willow."

" I never said you were stupid!"

Buffy tilts her head.

" Ok, ok… but… how did you know?"

" I figured it out, Will. I mean, what other explanation really fits? I know you Willow, and you wouldn't hurt me, not deliberately. You wanted to protect me, because…"

" … it hurts too much to watch you hurt, Buffy, " Willow finishes. " I … hate seeing you hurt. It hurts me."

" I know. I don't like seeing you hurt either, " Buffy says, softly. " But Will, I don't…"

" I know, Buffy. Not a moron, either. I know you don't feel the same way."

" I wish I did, Willow. Somehow I figure loving you would be the best thing for me."

" Buffy, please don't. Not the " wish I loved you" speech, ok? Just … I had to tell you, be honest with you. That's what you wanted, right?"

" Yeah." Buffy moves a little towards Willow. " I do love you, you know that? I mean, just not romantically."

" I know , Buffy."

" I hate this… what we are now."

" Me too, Buffy."

" Can we stop now?"

" No."

" No?"

" Buffy, I can't be your friend anymore. I'm sorry, I'm just not strong enough to do it. Every time you fell in love with someone, I'd die all over again. Better to just break clean. We've had a good run, better than most. Best to just let it go now."

" I don't want this! I want to be friends again, " Buffy protests, " Why can't we be friends again?"

Willow can't help smiling.

" That's my Buffy. Sweet girl, not too bright."

" So, that's it? We just walk out of each others life? Forever?"

" Nothing's forever, Buffy. "

" What am I supposed to do without my best friend?"

" Live. Be happy. Find someone to love." Willow feels her lip tremble, and bites on it to keep it still. " You'll be fine, trust me."

" Yeah." Buffy doesn't sound like she believes it.

Willow hands her something. It's a folded piece of paper.

" What's this?"

" Call it a parting gift, Buffy. Maybe it'll help."

" I didn't get you anything!"

" Yes you did." Willow sees Buffy's confused expression, and explains. " I'm going back to Brazil, Buffy. I'm going to try again with Kennedy. Maybe I can make it work this time, knowing that you and me? Not going to happen. I hope so. If I can pour enough love into that relationship, then the ache I feel when I see you? Might be less. Maybe enough so that one day…" She shrugs. " like I said, nothing's forever, Buff."

Buffy opens the paper. She sees an address written on it.

" What is this?"

" Faith's address in Paris. I think you two need to talk."

Buffy studies the paper. She looks up at Willow.

" I'm gonna so miss you, Will."

" Me too, Buffy." She looks at her watch, " I better get going."

" Ok, I understand. Be careful, ok? Don't get my best friend into too much trouble."

" Goodbye, Buffy. Take care."

" Goodbye, Will. "

Willow gets to the doorway, then stops. She lowers her suitcases to the ground, and turns back.

" Aw, screw it!" she says.

Before Buffy can blink, Willow has her in a major hug.

" No tears, girl. It's gonna be fine, you'll see. I hope it works out with you and Faith."

Before Buffy can stop her, she's grabbed her cases and is gone.

Buffy sits on her suitcase, staring at the paper in her hand.

-6-

Faith rushes down the stair leading to her flat. She's a little late, and with Michel making a major stink out her being gone nearly a week, she really doesn't want to be too late.

_Wish that stupid work permit would come through. Then I could tell Michel exactly which of my butt cheeks he could kiss._ Faith shrugs. _Ah well, at least he didn't fire my ass. Whoop on that._

Faith isn't really sure, however, if she's going to stay in Paris, now. After what happened with Buffy , she's not so sure she wants to hang here anymore. Too many bad memories. _Leave it to Blondie to ruin the perfect city for me! I'm just glad I managed to convince( Ok, coerce) Willow into taking that curse off me. At least, I don't have to see her again. I wonder if Nepal would be safe? Why do I doubt it?_

Faith reaches the bottom of the stairs, and glances across the street. Standing there is a diminutive figure, wearing a long coat and a wool cap. Blond hair hangs under the cap. Buffy!

_Aw, crap! _

Faith starts to walk down the street, away from Buffy.

" Faith! Wait. Please, I need to talk to you!" Buffy, on the opposite side of the street, runs after her.

" Go away, B. Don't have time. Get lost!"

" No!"

Faith stops dead. She turns around, hands on her hips.

" What?"

" I said, no! I won't go away, I won't get lost. If you don't talk to me now, then I'll just hang around til you do!"

" Well, hope you like hanging out on street corners. Cuz I'm not talking to you."

" Faith, c'mon. Be reasonable."

" I'm being reasonable, Buffy. I'm not coming over there and pounding you into the ground. Do you have any idea the trouble you and Red have caused me? I'm sick of the lot of you. Get lost." Faith increases her pace.

Buffy keeps up with her, across the street.

" 10 minutes, Faith. That's all I ask. 10 lousy minutes. If you want me gone then, I'll go. No arguments, nothing."

Faith stops. She considers.

" 10 minutes? After that you'll go away, and never bother me again?"

" Yes!"

" No arguments, no tears, none of that girly crap?"

" YES!"

Faith looks at her watch. " Tick tock. Times a-wasting Buffy."

" Come over here, please, Faith. Don't make me yell at you across the street!"

" You come over here!"

" It's nicer over here," Buffy says. She points at a bench." See, a place to sit, and everything!"

" Not planning on sitting, B. "

" Please, Faith?"

" Fine!"

Faith crosses the street. She sits on the bench. Buffy stands, pacing.

" 9 minutes left, B. Go for it."

" C'mon, Faith, give me a break. Reset the clock."

" Whatever. But no more deals. Just speak your piece, and let me in peace. Ok?"

Buffy nods.

" Why do you hate me, Faith?"

" I don't hate you, B. You got it wrong. I just… well, I don't like you too much."

"Why?"

Faith looks up at Buffy, and sees she genuinely wants to know.

" Buffy, just let it go, ok? Nothing's ever going to come of it, so just accept the fact that we're never going to be more than we are."

" I can't do that Faith. I wish I could. Believe me, I wish I didn't feel the way I did. I just lost my best friend, because she loves me. I wish I could love her back, like she wants me to. But I can't. So, I can't just go away and pretend I don't feel what I feel !"

" You're talking about Red, right?"

" You know?"

" Well, a blind Tibetan monk could see it, Buffy. Only _you_ are so self involved, that you couldn't see it. There. There's one reason I'm not liking you so much. You're all wrapped up in Buffy. Who could like you better than you?"

" I'm trying to change, Faith. Really. "

" Well, try harder, and get back to me in a couple of years." Faith sighs. " I'm sorry, I didn't really mean that. You're not a bad person. Not really. Just… god, you bring the bad out in me, and that's another thing that bugs me."

" I'm sorry, " Buffy moves over to put her hands on Faith's shoulders. Faith moves away. Buffy puts up her hands. " Sorry."

" Buffy, let's just finish this. It's pointless to sit here playing around. Here's the deal. I don't like you, because you never gave me a chance to like you."

" Huh? I don't get it."

" Well, surprise there! Ever since I've known you, Buffy, you've treated me like some junior assistant. I've never been your equal. Not in your eyes, anyway. You've never given me any respect; never given my props for being as good a slayer as you are."

" all right, I see."

" But really, Buffy, that's not the whole deal. Not even close. You've always been competitive with me, never let me be a part of your group. Always made me like walk 2 steps behind you, or some such like that."

" That's not true!' Buffy protests.

" Buffy, it's true, and if you want to be honest with yourself, you'll admit it. But then what am I saying? That's never going to happen. Even worse? The holier than thou attitude you always had. Sure, my life was different from yours. I grew up in different circumstances. Not my fault, ok? I was doing the best I could. But you always had this " Faith is the major slut" thing going, pretty much turning all your little scoobies friends against me. Oh, and I loved how if anything went wrong, somehow it was always Faith's fault."

" I didn't say that!"

" Maybe not, but you sure didn't stop it, either! Shit, Buffy, you live like that day after day, see how you like it. It was always ' Be more like Buffy, be more like Buffy'. I had it running out my ears until I was puking . Why couldn't you once try to see my side of it? Try to be a little more like me? God, I bent over backwards trying to please you, and you did squat." Faith stands, and faces Buffy. " Look, I'm not saying you had to act like me. But at least you could've tried not to make me feel I was a mental defective because I wasn't your clone. All I wanted form you was some respect. Some acknowledgement that I was doing a good job too, in my own way. Maybe I wasn't there for every single training session, or every stupid patrol, but I was there when it counted. You weren't!"

" What are you talking about?"

" When I needed you most, Buffy, you turned your back on me. When I needed you to stick with me on Alan Finch, you were all about making me out the crazy psycho killer bitch."

" Ok, now that's just not true. I wanted to help you. I wanted to, but you ran. You joined up with Mayor Wilkins, and oh, yeah, tried to kill us all."

" Sure I did. I had to look out for my ass. Because you sure weren't. You didn't have my back. And your help? No thanks. What were my choices? Let the council deal with me, and like lock me up forever. Or go to jail, and let them lock me up forever. Swell choices, B. "

" You killed a man, Faith. What did you expect? Puppy dogs and a parade? Thing was, you didn't even try to come clean, try to take responsibility. If you had of, you would've found out you might not even have done any jail time. Giles was willing to help you, but you just turned your back on us."

" Yeah, and what about YOUR responsibility, Buffy. You were there with me. As I remember it, I staked the poor sap, but you threw him in my way to stake. Why didn't you stand up to your responsibility? Huh? You were responsible, too! But no, let Faith take the fall. That's the ticket, right?"

" That's not fair, Faith. I would've stuck by you, but you didn't even admit you'd done anything wrong. You thought you were justified in killing a human, just because you happened to be a slayer!"

"No, I didn't" Faith grows quiet.

" Oh please, you told me as much."

" It was bullshit, Buffy. I was hurting, but as usual, you didn't see it. I saw that man's eyes staring at me every night. Shit, I was lucky to sleep an hour or two at a time, with the nightmares. And after I started killing for the mayor, it just got worse. I had to kill my feelings, or …"

" You would've gone crazy? Seems you did anyway, Faith."

Faith goes silent, staring at her hands.

" I still have the dreams, Buffy, " Faith says, not really talking to her. " Not like I used to, but I still get them. I still feel the knife going in, the squishy clicky sound as it goes through flesh and hits bone. I still see the look in their eyes, the fear. I see the life draining out of them, and I still can feel the blood on my hands." She looks up at Buffy, frowning . " Why do you think I quit being a slayer, Buffy? I loved it. I wasn't like you, I loved doing it. Fighting the demons. But … I can't … I can't do it anymore. I can't take the reminders of what I did. Why do you think I want nothing to do with it, with you? Because it all just reminds me of what I did!"

Buffy puts her arm around Faith's shoulders. "It's ok, Faith. You did your time, you paid for what you did."

" No, Buffy. It doesn't work like that. I can never pay. I can never be even again. I can't ever give those people their lives back." She looks at Buffy, eyes dead. " You can't understand that. I hope you never do. Angel did. It helped knowing he did… and now he's gone. I have no one anymore who understands. No one."

" Let me try, Faith. Let me be there for you!"

Faith shrugs off her arm.

" Just go away, ok? You just bring up bad memories. God, just let me be in peace."

" Are you at peace, though, Faith? I don't think so. Let me in, ok? Let me help you. Don't shut me out."

Faith just gives her a sidelong look.

" Why didn't you ever visit me, Buffy? While I was in that hellhole of a prison? Not once, not once did you make the effort to come see me. Even once might have made a difference, Buffy. But you couldn't have cared less."

" I couldn't"

" What? Oh please! You couldn't take a few hours out of your valuable life to drive up and visit me? Oh, and you cared so much about me? Right?"

" I couldn't… because Angel asked me not to."

" Yeah, sure."

" He did. He thought that my coming there would only bring up bad memories for you. He said you needed time to heal, and that me being there? Would only make things worse."

" Mmmm hmmm"

" Ok, first few months? I really didn't want to see you…"

" Ah-hah!"

" But after that, after I had time to cool down, I did. I really did. But Angel… he wouldn't allow it."

" Oh, and you always do everything Angel tells you to. Because he's your Daddy, right?"

" No, of course not. But I thought he might know best in this case."

" Right. Because, you didn't want to come!"

" No, " Buffy lowers her head, " because I didn't want to see you like that. Knowing I should've been there too."

" Excuse me?"

" Ok, what do you want? A signed confession? You're right, Faith. I should've been there too. I was there that night, and yes, I threw Alan Finch in the way of your stake. I was an accessory. Ok? I … I let you take all the blame, but I was to blame too."

Faith scrutinizes Buffy, to see if she's being genuine. She reaches out, putting a hand on Buffy's shoulder.

" Thank you."

" Huh?"

" That's what I wanted to hear, Buffy. Thank you. " Faith turns and starts to walk away. " Now , go away!"

" Wait a minute. What?"

" Go away. Do I have to spell it for you?"

" I don't get it. Didn't we just make a breakthrough there, or something?"

" So?"

" So, can't we even talk about this?"

Buffy by this time is trotting backwards, talking to Faith.

" What's the point, Buffy? We're two completely different people, with two different lives. We don't mesh, girl. We're like oil and water. Never mix."

" Don't you even want to try?"

" Er… why?"

" Aren't you even the least bit attracted to me?"

" Oh, yeah. Short, skinny blondes? Get me all hot." Faith makes a face. " Please!"

" I'll get fatter! I'll get taller!" Buffy moves faster, trying to keep up. " I'll get fatter and taller!"

" Buffy, don't get pathetic on me. It's not attractive!"

" Faith, c'mon… be reasonable…. Whooooaaa"

Buffy doesn't see the crack in the sidewalk behind her. Her heel gets caught, and she loses her balance. She starts to fall. Faith, seeing her fall, rushes to catch her, before she hits the pavement.

"Well, that was close, " Buffy says, smiling up at Faith. " You saved me. See, you do care!"

" Don't get full of yourself, Buffy. I would've caught a falling drunk, too, " Faith stares at her. " You little cheat. You did that deliberately, didn't you?"

" No…" Buffy reaches up, wrapping her arms around Faith's neck. She kisses her. Faith briefly gives in to the kiss, then pulls away. " Now that? I did deliberately" She grins at Faith.

Faith lets her drop.

" Hey!"

" Go away, Buffy. I gotta go to work."

Buffy is back up on her feet, trotting backwards again to keep up.

" No way. You liked it. I could tell. I'm not dumb."

" Could've fooled me. Now, get lost."

" Uh-uh."

" Buffy!" Faith growls.

" No way. You liked it. You like me. Admit it. You do, I can tell."

" Not going to happen, Buffy."

" Ok, how 'bout friends. I'll settle for friends. For now, anyway."

Faith rolls her eyes.

" Ok, promise NOT to kiss me again?"

" Yes."

" Or pull any more stunts?"

" Sure"

" Ok, fine, friends. Whatever." Faith starts walking faster. " Go home, Buffy."

" Don't got one."

" What're you talking about?"

" Quit the council. Don't got a job. Hey, is Michel hiring? Think I'd look good in a tux?"

Faith groans.

" Well, if we're going to live together, I've got to pay part of the rent."

" Who the hell said anything about living together?"

" Hey, no home, remember? What? You'd let a friend sleep on the streets?"

" Works for me."

" You're evil, you know that?"

" Never claimed to be a girl scout, " Faith takes off running. " Later Buffy."

" Wait…. Wait! You can't get away!" Buffy runs after her. " I know where you live!"

Fin


End file.
